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Stephanie Howell

reading, organizing, shopping, momming too close to the sun. Home is wherever the Army sends us.

wordless (ish?!?!?!) wednesday

More like there are no words Wednesday.


There are no words for how it feels to watch your child struggle to breathe. To watch her experience her very first asthma attack.

And no words to fully explain how that feels when it happens in a country where you do not speak the native tongue.


There are no words to explain how it feels to sit quietly crying in the corner of a hospital room while your baby finally sleeps.

And to have a kind Italian nurse come in, hug you, take pity on your exhausted heart…and then bring you a big, strong cup of Italian coffee.

There are no words in the human language adequate for me to tell you how scared I was.

Or how amazing the nurses and doctors were. No number high enough to describe the number of times I prayed.

“Relief” is not a big enough word to describe how I felt when the IV steroids started working.


“Gratitude” does not encompass the emotion I felt towards the amazing pediatrician who soothed me, educated me, and told me what I needed to do and what needed to happen.

There are not remotely enough words to tell you about the kind of friends I have. I did not have to worry about Harper, Sadie, and Lucy for one second. Jimmy and I took shifts at the hospital for 2 days without having to think about how Cate’s sisters were doing.

So even though this post is full of words, they are not nearly enough. Not nearly enough to cover how my heart feels today as my baby girl sleeps in her own bed.

My cup runneth over.

xo

S

Comments

  1. Glad to hear she is ok but how scary for you! So glad you had support to help you through this time. It is so hard when it is one of your children. Take care xx

  2. HUGS and the fact that you had friends to help while you are still new to the country and base is one of the many things I love/loved about being military. You always have someone there to help out in a crisis. So glad Cate’s better and that you had wonderful care at the hospital.

  3. My heart breaks to hear of cates asthma; I’ve been there and it’s traumatic to watch…….anyway, enough of that. Glad all is well. I pray for God’s blessings for you all! Love from OKC

  6. So, so scary. Again, my admiration sent to you and J, and too many hugs. It’s so nice to see your baby (no matter how old they are) smile when a crisis is over.

  9. SO glad to hear Cate is better. And you are right. I can NOT imagine how scary that must have been.

  12. Just remember you are one strong momma! So sorry that you had to deal with this, in another country no less, but glad to hear you have a great support system in a new place and everyone is fine!

  14. I’ve been there and it’s terrifying to watch your child struggle for a breath. So glad that she is home!! Thinking of you all and sending prayers.

  16. Those photos really say so much….
    I’ve lived the asthma lifestyle with my oldest son it got really bad around same age. I know how scary it was but cant imagine the language barrier on top. Saying prayer for her and your family. We did every 6 hr breathing treatments til around age 7 and then were able to space treatments out or use inhalers. thankfully he outgrew it…. though it still hits him with bronchitis quickly when sick to this day (he’s 26). Hope it’s very temporary for your sweet girl.

  18. Glad she is home and smiling. My dd went through the same thing about that age and quickly outgrew it. She is 15 now and very athletic without any problems whatsoever. Sending prayers that the very same is true for your adorable daughter!

  19. OMG!! How very scary!!!! Poor baby, and poor mommy!!! I cannot imagine the fear, but so happy to hear it is all over.

  20. I know how you feel. This past May my Madelyn was in urgent care, taken from their to the ER in an ambulance, we spent the overnight hours in the ER and then were moved to the ICU, then the next day we were moved to a room and were there for 3 days. It was terrifying to see someone struggle to breath when we all just do it without even thinking. It’s impossible to fathom that you can’t help your child. It broke my heart when she asked to go home while we were in the ER and she was still REALLY struggling. It made me angry that every time she started to fall asleep they would need to change her medicine or swap out her mask. It was humbling and scary and eventually she was running around her room and blowing bubbles and coloring and back to her normal self. I feel for you! I know how hard and impossible it is. I’m sorry you had to go through that. I’ll be praying for you and your adorable family!

  21. Stephanie, I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that. I am glad the doctors were nice and helpful and that Lucy is now home a doing good. I know it has to be difficult to have a sick baby in a hospital that you aren’t familiar with. Thank goodness J. was home and that your Army friends were there to help you. Take care..

  25. Wow, so scary! SO glad to hear it all worked out well. God’s grace is amazing! to have the doctors and nurses there for you … awesome. Hope your life gets back to “normal” soon. {{hugs}} from a distant follower!

  28. i am so thankful that in the midst of such a scary time for y’all, that God provided friends and kind medical professionals to surround you with kindness, support, and help. my little brother grew up with asthma (and thankfully outgrew it eventually) so i know how scary it can be. big hugs…so thankful that you are all together again. (and that picture of lucy & cate reunited on instagram? brought me to tears.)

  29. Oh Steph, this one touched me. My daughter had heart problems as a little girl about Cate’s ages, and had to have open heart surgery. I know exactly every emotion you expressed and yes, that gratitude is overpowering. It can change your life and really make you count your blessings. God bless you all.

  30. I’ve been that way myself and know how scary it is and can’t imagine how scary it must have been for her and you guys. So glad she’s okay. I bet you’ll have the breathing machine at home now. Actually, they have me on an inhaler and meds now and I never need the machine!

  31. SO grateful she’s okay. I can’t even imagine how scared you and her must have been…I will be thinking of you 🙂

  34. So sad to hear your little one has been ill & how scary it was for you but, as ever, impressed in your ability to find the positive, to find thankfulness in a time of trouble. Thinking of you all

  36. Sending warm wished and good health to you all. So wonderful to hear a positive story about healthcare– take care.

  37. I am so glad Cate is ok! My hubby has asthma as do 2 of our 3 kids and I know how scary it is (I have lost count of the number of nights I have sat up listening to them breath and happy to hear each breath!). The meds these days are so good and I’m so glad you have such a great pediatrician – that makes it all so much easier. I’ll pray for Cate and your family!

  39. My kids had their share of interesting symptoms over the years as medical conditions arose related to being preemies, even popping up in their teen years. And in their young adult phase I wonder what may be next to appear (usually out of nowhere). But we are in an age of amazing medical technology. It is always hard to watch kids go through these things. But they really are amazing. My son went through surgery in 7th grade and never complained before, during or after. I was the only one complaining! But I was able to share his story at his Boy Scout Eagle Court of Honor. I think it really helped boost his self esteem. Kids learn so many things from these life experiences, which build resilient character. And we cannot forget, God is good. Someday your girls will be taking care of you.

  40. Stephanie, I know it is so hard to watch someone you love struggle for breath! God bless you. I was reminded of a blog post I saw on a Southern Momma’s blog a while back about managing her son’s asthma naturally – I’ll click & paste here for when you have a moment, if you’re interested in reading it.
    God bless you! Please be assured of my prayers for you and your family in Italy!
    http://joyfuljonesjourney.blogspot.com/2013/05/how-i-manage-my-childs-asthma-naturally.html

  41. So sorry little Cate was ill, very glad she is better now. It must have been horrendous for you. Hope all is back to normal soon.

  43. So glad for the angels in your midst — the nurse with the hug and coffee and your friends to care for your children come to mind. May your little one get better and you discover the rhythm that works for Cate to live with asthma.

  44. Oh, poor baby…sweet little Cate. Must have been so terrifying for you. So so glad she’s ok. Praying that you don’t have to go through that again.

  45. So scary. There are no words that I can even reply other than, from one mama’s heart to another, I can’t even imagine. So glad that Cate is home again.

  46. I am so glad little Cate is better! It must’ve ben terrifying to see her truggle with breathing, I remember being scared out of my mind when I was little, watching my father go through an asthma attack…..you just feel so helpless…..hugs, hugs, and more hugs.

  48. How scary! I am so glad that Cate is ok now. My thoughts and prayers are with you all. ((hugs))

  51. I responded to your plight on your previous blog post. I was not sure when you would be able to blog again with having a sick child at home. God Bless and I hope the information helps. Take care

  53. Oh, Stephanie, sending you (and the rest of the family) the biggest hugs and saying thanks to God along with you that she is okay. The poor little pumpkin. I hope she’s back in the wagon with her sister going for gelatos soon. Love, love, love.

  54. I’m so glad your sweet, sweet baby is ok! I can’t imagine how scared you were and add on top the language barrier. Ack! Hugs to all of you.

  57. I’m praying for you, your family and Cate. I’ve been down that road with my middle child – started when he was 6 months – he’s 10 now and thankfully he’s outgrowing it but for years we struggled especially in the winter months. I can’t imagine your other hurdles you’ve faced. Just know you’re in the prayers of many.

  59. Hugs to you! I’m glad to hear that everything got taken care of and Cate is home. I can’t even imagine how frightening that would have been without knowing the language! Take care of you and your sweet little ones, too!

  61. Oh my heart just skipped a beat for you… I’ve been in your shoes at that same hospital with a 6 month old diagnosed with RSV. You are right that words can not describe the panic and frustration and anxiety you feel as your child struggles. Our story ended with a med-flight to Landstuhl.
    SOOO glad she is doing better and I pray that

  62. Oh my! How scary for you and Cate, as well as the whole family! I’m so sorry that happened and so glad she’s better and back home! Thinking of you all and wishing the best!

  64. All of my children suffered from Asthma so totally understand how scary it is…I hope it isn’t something that she suffers with and that this is just a one time occurrence. Sending her hugs from across the globe.
    Patricia
    the PaperTemptress

  65. Both my kids have asthma and my daughter’s has definitely given us a few scary circumstances. I’m so thankful that despite the language barrier and being in another country, that you were able to feel supported by friends and medical staff. Praying that this was a once in a lifetime experience and you don’t have to go through this again. Hugs to you!
    Yvonne

  67. So very glad your family is back together! Blessings!
    It is so wonderful to have the support you do…..

  68. Poor baby and poor momma….it’s so great that people are compassionate and encouraging when they see tears, no matter what language you speak. Glad she’s doing better now.

  70. I can’t imagine how incredibly scary this must have been. Thank goodness for wonderful doctors and nurses and friends. AND that J was with you as well. Poor sweet Cate! SO glad she is better and home. I hope you’ll give an update on how she’s doing and the pediatrician’s advice. Hugs. xoxo

  71. I can’t imagine what you went through. I am sorry this happened and so thankful for the happy outcome. God is good and prayers work!

  73. So sorry for your scary experience, but thankful that prayers were answered and she’s all better!! One thing I thought of is that “momma” is a universal language, so even though they may have not spoken your language, they knew what you were feeling and needed!!

  74. Oh my Stephanie, this made me cry! Thankful for such great people and more so that she is okay. Hugs and prayers.

  75. I’ve just read about Cate being in hospital; how dreadful for all of you. I’m so pleased that she’s now home and I send my love to all the family.

  77. So glad Catie is feeling better – asthma is just scary both for the child & the parents. The first time Amanda had an attack, I couldn’t sleep for days because I was afraid it would happen again. Amanda had several severe attacks when we in the mountains on vacation – the higher the elevation the more severe the attack. With medicine & a good attitude, things will get better.

  78. This post brought tears to my eyes. I can not even imagine how scary that was. Then your post brought a smile to my face as you talked about the relief when the meds started working, or your friends and not having to worry about the other girls. What a blessing they are. Sending you hugs and saying a prayer! So glad Cate is feeling better!

  80. reading your blog makes me laugh and cry sometimes, I have 3 little girls and I feel your pain and sadness and also your happiness through your blog! I love reading and seeing your travels in Italy. Glad your baby is better. love from Australia