This is taken from a post I made on Facebook, but I wanted to share it here too. I’ve felt so down lately. Afraid to share my heart, feeling that I will be judged or rebuked or corrected. That others will say they are disappointed in my for not saying what they think I should say.
Here’s what I shared today:
I wasn’t going to say anything. Because everyone else is saying plenty. But as I thought about it this morning, I realized that I actually do want to say something. I feel compelled to say something.
The words are spilling out of my heart and my mouth like the tears that have constantly been in my eyes lately.And y’all KNOW I’m a big blabbermouth.
I grew up conservative and I’m very proud of my upbringing. I pretty much had the best childhood and parents ever. I’m terribly proud of my roots and of my family and I respect every one of them more than I can say. They are incredible. Until my adult life, I mainly only knew very conservative people.
Then I married Jimmy and left the state and eventually the country. I got to know LOTS of different people. Different faiths, different backgrounds, different political leanings. For the first time I got to know women and men that were more liberal.
I was shocked to see that I could identify with many of them and that I could have excellent and respectful conversations. I changed and evolved and grew. Still me, same heart. Still on my sleeve as always. I just moved a bit more towards the center, where I sit today. I don’t lean either way.
Sorry, I digress.
My point is, I have friends ALL over the political spectrum. And most of the time that makes a beautiful dichotomy. I love it. I truly believe life would be horribly boring if we were all cookie cutter replicas of one another.
Recently, though…recently it’s turned into something else.
1/2 of my friends marched.
1/2 didn’t.
1/2 are republican
1/2 are democrat.
Many are telling each other to suck it up and shut up and to stop posting certain things.
Someone will post a photo of something they believe in and are proud of and others will tell them they are disappointed.
Condemnation from both sides.
YOU ARE EVIL IF YOU ARE A CONSERVATIVE.
I DON’T TRUST LIBERALS!
IF YOU MARCHED YOU ARE STUPID!
IF YOU DIDN’T MARCH YOU ARE STUPID!
I’m disappointed…
unfriend me if you disagree…
I’m unfriending anyone who xxxx
and on
and on
and on.
Finger Pointing.
Mud Slinging.
Open Letters.
Call-Outs.
Pettiness.
Superiority.
Condemnation.
What’ s up with this need to publicly decry anyone you don’t agree with?
I mean…it *is* possible to have beliefs without belittling anyone who might feel differently. Condemning others and their beliefs doesn’t make yours more valid.
And not only that… But how in the world do you expect someone to see your point of view if you’re mocking theirs?
Telling people to shut up when they are sharing their hearts….doesn’t that seem counterproductive?
Can you imagine if people acted like this face to face?
Girl one: I love coffee
Girl two: YOU ARE AN IDIOT FOR LIKING COFFEE AND I’M GOING TO TELL EVERYONE I KNOW YOU ARE AN IDIOT. I’M GOING TO TELL THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE!
I mean, really.
NONE of these little petty details matter. At the end of my life I’m not going to worry about what people said on Facebook. I’m not going to worry which daughter or friend or family member has which political affiliation. Or who they voted for in which election. Because that’s not what matters.
What matters?
The big details.
Love. Faith. Kindness. Respect. Compassion. Empathy. Service. Connection. The ability to listen. The ability to leave the world a better place than it was when you entered it. Doing the good work. Enacting the changes you want to see through your actions.
LOVE.
I’m friends with all of you because I LOVE you.
Whether I have ridiculous, immature, and HILARIOUS memories of you from high school or college, or if you held my hand through one of J’s deployments or held my babies like your own. Whether we taught together, met each other in an elevator, worked out together or met through the crazy online world of blogging, or if I met you and you forgave my horrendous Italian and loved me in spite of it.
I’m friends with you because you are important to me and because I respect you. I will defend you and be loyal to you. I don’t care about the other crap. And I won’t post about being better than you. Ever. I will have your back.
Okay. That’s all. Sorry for the novel. I warned you. I’m a blabbermouth. 🙂
xoxo
xoxo right back at you.
Thank you, Stephanie. Very simply and eloquently put. I couldn’t agree with you more.
thank you jen!
I stopped following so many facebook friends during the election and after. Some I agree with, most I don’t. But I am getting so tired of seeing political stuff on facebook. I want to see what their families are up too. What they are doing, what they are reading. I even stopped following people that only posted about the local football team (I am not a fan) who just lost the AFC Championship! haha! So now I pretty much only see a few nonpolitical friends and my alma mater, University of Maryland, pages. It’s fun to see just the stuff I enjoy. I have friends both conservative and liberal and they never act in person like they do online. I want to keep it that way. haha!
cool! i’m glad that works for you! i personally don’t want to hide everyone i disagree with because then i’d be in a bubble of people exactly like me, which i think can get dangerous. 🙂 i hope you have a beautiful and blessed week! xoxo
Hi Stephanie,
I agree with you! While watching from Canada, I know that DJT will definitely impact our great relationship with the US and our economy also. If I was on public media I would be bashing the hell outta the blubberface, 12 year old impetulant new president that has no adult vocabulary or decent morals. I loved watching all of it this past weekend. I am learning things too. The politics, the march, it was all amazing!
You cannot talk to people the way that apparently these people have talked to you. If you don’t do this I won’t be your friend? That is emotional blackmail and that is not being a friend.
I so enjoy hearing other’s points of view, I listen, I take it in, and I add it to what I know so far. So even though I am upset and worried for all of us, I would never give anyone, let alone a friend an ultimatum.
I too have gone more to the middle on many topics, and maybe I am evolving with the times. Sometimes we must learn to adapt, listen to things we may not really think we want to and learn from others. I love hearing other people’s point of views! I always learn something.
I say go in Peace and Love with whatever your politics, religious and moral beliefs are and do not judge or classify others or threaten them. DJT is dividing people all over the world as well as the USA, why act like that? Are we not all grown ups?
Stay strong, don’t let it get you down or depressed. Be and think who you are! That is what equality is all about (male or female)! You can absolutely be friends with may different types of people, that is what makes the world go ’round! (my moms saying).
i’m not going to get into specific politics on this post because that’s just not something i want to do. thanks so much for your encouragement! xo
Love love love this…..I don’t get the hate or the name calling …it’s so much easier on the heart to love and try to understand, I know I’m trying hard to focus on that and the other things that really matter…beautiful thoughts Steph xo
Stephanie, thanks for this. It is hard not saying anything while my friends on the right call for unity, and friends on the left also call for unity while mocking the friends on the right. I am praying about sharing your post. I share very few posts, mostly I listen, but thank you again from the bottom of my heart.
oh my gosh Stephanie… you’ve written what my heart is feeling. I’ve not stepped into the fray because i too have friends and family on both sides, whom i love and adore, and it is not based on who they voted for, or whether they marched or not.
I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, thus… i’ve just kept my thoughts and feelings bottled up inside. Why can’t love and respect be the norm, the Golden rule is the Golden rule for a reason… it’s golden.
I’ve never met you, but i’ve followed you for years and have been a cheerleader from afar. i admire your willingness to put your thoughts to paper, to be vulnerable., to share the good, the bad and the ugly.
Thank you for sharing and putting my thoughts on paper!
Thank you. Love you from afar and really did need this today. Feels like whatever turn I make I am criticized and I try to not let it hurt, but somehow it does anyway. Totally with you on what matters.
Brava & well said!
Beautifully well said
Holy cow this is me! I quit Facebook – just the hourly scroll of everything because if the shizz going on! I have my views and I know I have friends who don’t share them. There is too much of this going on and I couldn’t take the noise anymore. It’s one thing to scroll past but when there is hardly anything fun and light and only political posts I can’t take it. I let it go. I check in once a week or so to see if specific friends posted pics of their kids or dogs but for the most part, Facebook is dead to me.
My instagram feed is full of pretty stuff. Scrapbook, planner, kids, vacations, hand lettering. I have not had this ugly unhappy feeeling for the pst couple of months and it’s nice. I’m the emotional person and I internalize all that shizz. If I don’t see it I can’t internalize anything. My blood pressure even dropped!
You pretty much described me! Complete with the facebook break!
I have wanted to say so many of these things for weeks. Thanks for giving me the courage to do so.
Beautifully put Stephanie, you have such a talent for writing and for being kind and lovely. CJ xx
Stephanie, I love your heart. You have a true gift, friend. I so appreciate your willingness to wear your heart on your sleeve with kindness and compassion, love and respect, etc etc. Keep being exactly the way you are. It’s perfect.
Yes to this! You spoke the words of my heart as well.
I agree, at the end it only matters that we all learn to love each other for our differences while making the world a better place. We will never all agree. With that I have my views and others have theirs and that’s what makes our country great. Love, kindness, compassion are so important and should be the focus even while we differ.
Social media is not a good place for reasoned discourse. It’s not a good place to read deeply on important topics. It’s easy to retweet or like a post and way harder to read widely and be informed. I hope everyone can get better at doing that. I saw a picture of a child, probably middle-school age, carrying a sign that said, “What do we want” Evidence-based science. When do we want it? After peer review” 🙂
And this is why i love you and your posts! 🙂 thank you for being a loving blabbermouth that wears her heart on her sleeve….and shares it with all of us! 🙂
You are not a blabbermouth. I come to your blog because of your honesty. I feel like I know you even if we’ve never met in person because you share and love so openly.
I think it is so easy to jump on the “negatives” along with everyone else, but all I can do is focus on the love, my love for my boys, family and friends. And I have to remind myself constantly, what you put out into the world is what you’ll get back. So I am practicing my deep breaths and yoga “ohmmmmmms” a lot these days…..xoxo!
clippergirl
Aka Elizabeth
And guess what? I am finally going to Italy in a matter of weeks!!! So excited!
Thank you for this post – it says exactly what is in my heart and head! I too have friends and family on both sides and I agree with you that at the end of our life we are not going to care or remember about any of this – we will remember the love and that’s what’s important.
You said this just right. Thanks, you are the best!
Thank you for saying what so many of us want to say. And in a loving, kind way. I cannot STAND what is happening on social media right now. It is ugly and devisive. Hate spawns more hate. Great words. ❤️
LOVE your post! Thank you!
Amen! It could not of been said better. It is so sad and it is sadder that my children are witnessing it. Hate through and through!
So well said, thoughtful and eloquent. I completely agree with you and wish I had said this. My default is to avoid conflict, to just back away and say nothing because I don’t want to offend anyone. I so long for constructive debate and mutual respect. Thank you Steph. You rock!!!
Well said. I couldn’t agree more.
you nailed it… thank you for always showing your heart.. you are amazing..
Well said, Stephanie! Like it or not, this is the world we are living in and we have to figure out a way to coexist and move forward peacefully. I am not one to wear my political or religious beliefs on my sleeve because I believe that everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Unfortunately when it comes to Facebook, it appears that many people on both sides are using it as a soapbox to force their beliefs on others. I just want to connect with friends, share encouragement, and see pictures of my beautiful grand-nephews that my niece posts regularly! Maybe I will read more and go on social media less! Have a great day!
Well said Stephanie! I agree with every word and have always loved your blog for your humor and honesty. And your beautiful family!
…and for this particular post is why I love you so much! I only know you through the world of blogging & i won one of your gift boxes many years ago. Loved ya then, love ya still. This post is exactly how i feel too. I get so sick of FB & Insta mud sligging- it’s disheartening to see people totally psuh a person they loved/cared for out of their lives because of their political stance. I agree, having different beliefs, loves, and heck- down to favorite color…is what makes this place so grand! I just try to surround my self in positive vibes all day/every day so that I don’t get so bogged down & depressed that people are so ugly to each other! Thanks for being so honest! xo
Everything you said is what I am feeling. I have cried more tears in the past week over this and am so tired of the sheer meanness of people I know and love. I have to believe that all of this comes from being afraid and it is far easier to lash out on social media than in person although there has plenty of up close & personal lashing out around here too. One innocent comment & the world implodes. I thought at this stage of my life that I was older & wiser but alas that is not true. Have to take a step back & reassess my priorities. Thanks for sharing–your words are life changing.
Amen. (to your post)
So, so true. Thanks for posting and let us all be KIND.
Stephanie, you are so awesome!!!
Love this post and love reading your blog
I think I’d just like to print this post out and shout it from the rooftops. So well said, Stephanie. I’ve grown so weary from drowning in opinions all day. Your words are terrific.
Beautifully said.
Couldn’t agree more. Thank you for posting, we all need to spread love and respect, no matter if you are left, right, or middle. At the end of the day we are on the same team!
Thank you! Good and nice and kind are the ways to go!
AMEN!! Like others have said – these are also the words in my heart. And I’ll go forth with love, kindness, and the golden rule 🙂