is letting go.
i read this article this week. and it broke my heart and terrified me.
a seven year old girl died after a classmate gave her a peanut on the playground. died.
i have a daughter with a peanut allergy. and i'm terrified.
when harper was about 2, i was eating peanut butter. i ate some peanut butter off of a spoon and she asked to try it. there was barely any left. the spoon had only a trace of pb on it. she licked it, i turned around to do something. when i turned back around she wasn't breathing.
i watched my baby stop breathing and choke on her own saliva.
it was the scariest day of my life. i can still remember the look on jimmy's face when he ripped her out of her car seat and ran her into triage.
i can still remember how frantic and out of control i felt. i can still remember the look on her little face.
now look. i know peanut allergies are not unique to us. i know that a lot of people doubt the validity of allergies. i know that a lot of people ask why so many more chldren have peanut allergies now. i know that many people think that allergies are exaggerated.
i don't know the answer to any of those questions.but i do know this. i watched my daughter almost die.
and that's all i need to know.
harper can be in classrooms with peanuts. she can be around people that eat nuts. the people in her class wash their hands thoroughly after they eat.
jimmy's dad once accidentally touched her with cashew oil on his hands and she had a pretty bad skin reaction. turns out she's even more allergic to cashews than she is to peanuts! i can't control what is on anyone's hands at any given time though.
i don't know what would happen if she ate a peanut at almost six. but i don't want to know.
i want to keep her safe. and i know i can't keep her safe. i can't put her in a bubble. but i'm scared to let her go.
i saw a group of people online discussing the article i linked above. and they were saying that this was the reason they'd never let their children go to public school. this was the reason they homeschool.
here's my thoughts on this.
i can't keep her safe. she goes to playdates. and sunday school. and she is around other people all the time. and i wouldn't want it any other way. she goes to public school (SHOCK!!!).
eta: let me clarify the above statement. i am a product of the public school system and a former public school educator. i was being tongue in cheek. i've noticed that many people tend to discredit ALL public schools immediately, which is sad to me. in the conversation i mentioned above, why were people saying that this is why their children don't go to public school…couldn't this happen at ANY school? on any playground? in any place in the world???
i can't keep her in a bubble. i can't keep bad things from happening to her.
there are a million bad things that could happen to any of my children at any time. and this thought is enough to paralyze me. but i can't stop all of the things that might happen.
all i can do is educate her. she has known from the beginning that she should NEVER eat anything that she doesn't KNOW is safe to her. she also has a pretty bad egg allergy. she's smart about it. but she's a kid. she wants to fit in with her friends. i am terrified that she might eat something to fit in.
so we talk about it.
and talk about it
and talk about it.
the school has an epipen. the teachers are educated.
and i make sure every day that she gets it. and gets the gravity of the situation. i don't want to make her overly scared and i don't want it to impact her social skills. but i do want her to think.
she's so smart about it. so cautious. she came to me yesterday with a new brand of pudding i had bought and said "can you make sure this doesn't have peanuts in it?" and it didn't,but she wanted to make sure. she's always been like that.
it's all i can do. teach her.
and let her fly.
but it scares me half to death.
thanks for letting me talk. i know this is long, but it's been heavy on my heart and i think i had to get it out. i'm so scared for her sometimes.
it is not in my hands.it is in His hands. my daily prayer… dear Lord…please keep my girl safe. please help her be vigilant and make smart choices. please let her not be afraid to LIVE to the fullest. just keep her safe.
s
It is a scary thing. We found out that my oldest was allergic to peanuts on her first birthday. Her uncle gave her the tiniest piece of a little cookie and she had a really bad reaction and there was supposedly only a “trace” of peanut in that cookie. We didn’t know, but now we are so careful as you are, and she is smart and careful about what she eats. We have another with food allergies but they can’t seem to figure out the trigger for her reactions so we just have to be so careful and give her Zyrtec every day to minimize the risk. We can’t keep our kids in a bubble, you are right, all we can do is teach them the best we can and put them in God’s hands and know that He loves our kids more than we do.
thank you so much for sharing your heart. we have not experienced this (allergies) ever— but when jonah was born her turned blue the first time i held him. they (nurses in the hospital) had to rip him out of my arms and bag him right in front of me (he had a stress at birth seizure– turned out to be no big deal). so i completely get the horrifying feeling and images of watching something like this happen to your child. i don’t know how i would have coped with that without knowing God is in compete control of every small detail. “worry” is so consuming as a parent … im always working on TRUST!
I just said a little prayer for Harper that God will always protecter from eating anything that might hurt her! she is so precious!!! thanks for sharing your heart today! xo
I can so relate to this. So relate. The scariest thing for me is those who doubt the validity of allergies. I don’t want my son to be the real life tragedy that proves them wrong.
I am grateful to read your post, I am with shellfish like Harper is with nuts–being on the other side of the epipen I appreciate the way you are handling it, it’s how I hope I can be if my daughter ever faces an issue like this.
So many days I wish I could wrap her in bubble wrap and shelter her from any possible harm, but that wouldn’t be doing her any favors–she has to live in this world, she has to negotiate it’s dangers (in tiny steps) because she cannot live and thrive in bubblewrap.
Oh wow! I cannot imagine how terrifying that would be!! And I agree that you just have to let them go, we cannot possible control the future. I too live in fear almost daily over all the things that “might” happen, but then I have to stop and remember that it is all in God’s hands. I have taught my children all that I can and the rest is up to Him. Harper is a smart girl and keeping her in a bubble would not be of any benefit, even though it would calm a mother’s heart. I loved this post, Steph!
I feel bad – I am one of those people who has said things like “but there were never peanut allergies like this when I was a kid, I don’t get it.” And there weren’t. And I don’t. BUT that doesn’t make Harper’s allergy any less real, or anyone else’s. My husband is a teacher and his school is peanut free, the entire school, no pb&j sandwiches allowed, no Snickers bars, no peanuts to snack on – PEANUT FREE. I don’t know what school Harper goes to but ours is a public school and the parent went to the board and requested it. For once I think the board did the right thing – it may sound over the top but if just one kid got so sick, or God forbid, even worse, that parent who sent in that one peanut would have to live with that for the rest of their lives. So you have to make some other kind of lunch for your child. That’s okay, if it saves a life.
How very frightening I understand your fear, my daughter has asthma. Sometimes it’s exercise induced. She was a cheerleader, danced & played softball.One night while cheering she didn’t pay close enough attention to the warning signs& collapsed on the sidelines gasping for air. We can’t put our kids in a bubble. We have to teach them to cope with their problems.
First, I applaud you for not letting this identify you. And you have rarely, very rarely, ever even spoken about her allergies here but HECK YES as a mom it must be a crippling fear. But what I really wanted to share is that I have a now 12 y/o niece and she has always been very responsible. She knows her allergies and asks, and then asks again, if it safe. Still, to this day. About a year ago they determined she had outgrown the peanut allergy but the tree nuts are still dangerous and she carries an epipen b.c of it. Your approach can work but yes, it is scary to send her off for X hours per day and hope that everyone else is being vigilant.
hugs and lots of prayers for your girl to stay safe Stephanie..Madison has several allergies, the most severe being latex. There is so much around us every single day and all we can do is be cautious. Every single time I drop her off at school I worry about her day, but she needs to be there. we need her to be there.
and at the end of the day, when she is all snuggled in bed, I say a prayer and start all over again in the morning.
You would worry about her every day regardless of the allergy. I applaud you for letting her live.
xoxo
I only wish we knew why so many kids have peanut allergies and that we could somehow prevent it from happening. I don’t believe people are exaggerating their children’s allergies at all, I just wish the kids didn’t have to go through it. It is very hard on those poor kiddos and my heart goes out to you and other parents of children with severe allergies. It sounds like you and Harper have this under control (as much as you can) and the rest leave to God. He will keep her safe.
Thank you for sharing and it sounds like you have struck the perfect balance between vigilance and realizing that at the end of the day we are not in charge. Unfortunately I feel that the biggest lesson from these types of tragedies is for those of us who don’t have children with allergies. I know that I will never complain about having a no-nut school/daycare and there are some benefits. We are not allowed to bring in homemade baked goods – everything must be store bought to ensure correct ingredient labeling – so no mommy guilt about not having the time to bake!
How scary. I had not seen that story yet. I feel that the public needs to be educated on allergies, and the severity of them. Definitely ones that involve food. I cannot imagine how terrified you & your husband were when she stopped breathing. I try very hard to teach mine about these things that can happen, and what they can do to help. You are right that you can’t protect them from everything, but you are giving her the knowledge that can keep her safe. ((HUGS))
that is soooooo scary! My nephew is allergic to all tree nuts, but NOT peanut butter (weird hey?) and my niece is allergic to beef,chocolate and a million other things. My nephew gets super sick and blows up and throws up too…
it’s VERY scary!
When Savannah was in 1st grade a child in her class had peanut allergies and their snack couldn’t even say “processed in a factory where nuts are) and Savannah was DILIGENT to the point of checking wrappers on EVERY box! it’s kind of funny (but not, because it’s her OCD) because by the end of 1st grade she wouldn’t eat peanut butter and didn’t eat it again until this year (6th grade) she was that freaked about it, along with every allergy food all her cousins had, wouldn’t eat those foods either until just about 2 months ago! She can go a little overboard, but I was proud of her because she was so caring of not wanting anyone else to get sick!
that must be soooooo hard steph, I had to check labels for Savannah, but because she was paranoid about getting an allergy, not because she had one and that drove me CRAZY! I can’t imagine it, and I am so sorry you have to worry about it!
I will put Harper in my prayer journal and pray for her.
much love,
you are a GREAT mama!
tara
So scary! I too, witnessed my child almost die (due to a deadly illness). You’re right, you can’t protect them from everything……and that’s so hard as a mother/parent!
You are so smart with educating her.
Lets hope you never have to use that epipen!
I wish i could write like you! You ALWAYS make me cry! You are a GOOD momma!!!
Harper sounds like she has a great head on her shoulders! Thanks for sharing your story! My brother-in-law is now 35 but grew up with a cheese and milk allergy that closes his throat, even if something is cooked in a pan that previously cooked something with cheese. His parents went through the same thing when he was very young… but he is now grown with 2 (and 1 on the way) kids and none of them have the allergy and they (and we) are all very careful! People can live normal (but careful) lives with these food allergies. Unfortunately, I think most people think of runny nose and itchy eyes like with pollen allergies, and not the gravity of ingesting your “allergy” like with food. So I guess we should pray for those people, that they can learn the difference. And we will pray for Harper that she has no more scares and maybe she will help teach those people. She is so lucky to have such a wonderful mom helping her help herself!
My 3 yr. old has a mild (hives) peanut allergy. Our family knows about it but doesn’t really “get” it. On a trip home last month (visiting many people who had never met them) our oldest (age 6) walked up to the counter where a platter of homemade cookies were sitting and said to the hostess (whom he’d never met) “Can we move these? They might have peanuts and R doesn’t know not to eat them.” I nearly cried. This is the same child who, when we’re out shopping for toys and I say no, asks “Is it because this is a choking hazard?” You prepare them, you prepare their siblings/teachers/friends, and you send them out, hoping for the best.
OK, first off, I had NO IDEA that people actually doubt the validity of peanut allergies. REALLY? Why would anyone make that up? Whether or not they didn’t happen as much in the past is totally irrelevant.
I have one kid with peanut allergies. His reaction isn’t life-threatening and he can be around peanuts. (Which is good because his brother pratically lived on PB from 4-6.) But I DO fear that one day he might have a really bad reaction.
I used to really, really worry about it. He’s known since he was tiny to watch out for peanuts and now (he’s 14) it’s completely ingrained in him.
When he was about 5, a child in our neighborhood was hit and killed walking to school. And I realized: peanut allergy or no peanut allergy, they are at risk every. single. day. It’s not only peanuts that can get him. And all I can do is pray, and make sure to hug him before he leaves every day, and hope. And pray some more.
My sister has had a few ambulance runs with my nephew – because of his severe nut allergy – once was because a child gave him a pistachio at preschool lunch. Now he is 8 and seems to get it, but my niece is in the same boat and just 4 years old. I’m watching them Sunday, supposed to take them out to a restaurant with my family – epipens in hand – makes me so nervous. Good job on teaching Harper how to be careful!
Great job! This was just like my son at that age…”Does this have nuts?” He knew to ask and ask and ask….I agree with your perspective…they have to go out into the world…and we teach them…letting go is hard…My oldest just finished driver’s ed…yikes!
ps Why the SHOCK on public school? Curious…
signed a public school teacher…
My nephew is also allergic to peanuts (a careless daycare worker gave him peanut butter) At 4 1/2 he makes sure you know about his allery. When he comes to visit he makes sure his mommy left us with his medicines bag.
You’re an excellent mom. I have a few friends that have kids that a severely allergic to peanuts. They did the same thing, educating their kids, talked to them about it, not scaring them but making sure that they understand how important it is. The parents are also very involved with the school and educating them. They have a peanut free table in the cafeteria that all kids with allergies eat at and it seems to work well. No kids are teased about eating at the table. Most the kids at the school understand the seriousness about it because they are talked to about it throughout the year it. It seems to work really well at our school.
I know exactly how you feel, I don’t have any children with peanut allergies, but I did work for the YMCA after school care program for three years and there were several children with peanut allergies, one girl in peticular, was VERY allergic, if she had to fly, the parents had to make sure there were NO nuts on the plane, it was that bad, and I was in charge of snacks for the kids and there was always a lot of checking things out first, so I know what it’s like to constantly be on the lookout, that story of the 7 year old girl is so sad and so scary, sounds to me like Harper is one smart little girl, it’ll get easier as she gets older, you are doing the right thing by telling her straight out how it is 🙂
not shock from me….i am a former public educator and a product of the public school system. im referring to the publics tendency to badmouth all public schools. just a tongue in cheek comment. hope i didnt offend!
Tears rolling down my cheeks. You know this hits so close to home for me.
Love this post! You really are a talented writer. My 3.5 son has a peanut, along with some other food allergies. Our first er trip was at 1. For now he is home with me but not for long before he will enter public school. I have a year and a half and it something I get so nervous about just thinking about it! I know I can’t keep him in a bubble but it truly is scary. He knows most of his allergies but like you I just keep teaching him a little more each day. I struggle with making him feel differnt from other kids. Thank you for this post. 🙂
I have two children with Severe Food Allergies (13 years and 5 years). My youngest at age 1 had an anaphylactic reaction to a small amount of ground walnut filling in a family Christmas Sweet on Christmas Eve. Her whole body was covered in hives and she was struggling to breathe. I WILL NEVER forget that image. In a way, I am blessed that my older son has food allergies as well because I had an epi-pen on hand at home. I shutter to think what might have happened if I didn’t…I also WILL NEVER forget having to stick the epi-pen into her thigh.
We have since learned that she is allergic to peanuts/tree nuts and shellfish and suffers from asthma.
She starts Kindergarten in the Fall and I am terrified. When my older son entered the school system, there were several unsafe incidents involving his allergies and lack of concern by other parents…parents who obviously did not care or were unaware of what food allergies mean. My husband and I have taught both of our children from a very early age to not eat anything given to you by someone else…ever. My older son vigilantly checks every label, even items that he’s had before because he knows that processing of these items can change. My daughter will shove packages at me at home and in the store telling me to “make sure” they are safe. THEY ARE VERY AWARE. They know it’s life and death. I don’t want to “freak” them out and I don’t think I have, but they need to know that this is the path God has given them, for whatever reason. They just need to be aware.
In First Grade with my older son, the principal actually called us and let us know that a parent of another student wanted to know why his child was put into a class with an “allergy kid.”
I do not want them labeled as “the allergy kid.” They are simply normal children with allergies.
I don’t want special treatment for them. I just want them kept safe.
Someone once said to me that kids with severe allergies should be home-schooled because there is too much burden on the public schools with allergies like this. I say, ridiculous! All it takes is limiting certain allergens in the classroom. It’s really quite simple. Will a child die if they don’t get their granola bar with nuts for snack. No. Might my child die if they do? Yes.
Having experienced it firsthand, I can not believe the selfishness and lack of compassion with some parents. Don’t we want to teach our children NOT to be selfish? Don’t we want them TO BE compassionate? I know that’s how I want to raise my children.
You’re right Stephanie, we can’t put them in a bubble and I would never do that. I want them to be AWARE. I want them to LIVE LIFE. I want them to live without the “allergy kid” label.
Come this Fall, I will make the school and teacher and class fully aware of the food allergies. I will trust that I have done my best all these years in making them AWARE. I will trust in God and let go…no matter how hard…and yes, a little piece of me will still be frightened, but I will not let her see that 🙂
How scary! Every day when I leave my children I say a prayer. I tell Jesus that they are in his hands now and to please keep them safe and help them make good choices. It used to make me really anxious to leave them, but saying a prayer and letting go really helps.
I am allergic to peanuts and treenuts (have been almost my whole life- I’m in my 30s.) It is my experience that only the most out spoken/spunky/precocious of us have these allergies! I have never been afraid to tell someone about my allergy, ask questions or advocate for myself. This means I don’t EVER have to eat potluck (joy!) I have gone into anaphylaxis shock twice (both times in college.) As I grew up my friends started advocating for me as well. I think you are doing to right thing by making her be in charge. You can do all the right things, but in the end even at 7 she has to know how to survive this. I personally think that the parents who are OVERPROTECTIVE cause more harm to their kids. Remember I had this allergy when hardly anyone else did…peanuts were everywhere and nothing was labled. I am a survivor. From what you share of Harper on here- she has the spunk and wit to be a survivor too! If you have any questions I am always happy to answer them (my friends ASK a ton!)
Hopefully I didn’t offend anyone by my overprotective statement. I more mean the hovering- bubble living etc. By NO means the constant educating.
You are right, it’s all about educating them. I have three that become painfully sick when they eat anything with dairy in it (including chocolate). At 9,6 and 3 they know what they can eat and what they can’t. They talk about it often and their friends will even say “Kennedy can’t have that”. We were trick or treating one year and the house we were at went to put chocolate in my daughters bag (we have taught them to be polite and take it and we throw it away later, her friend informed the woman my children could not have that because they were lactose intolerant. Pretty funny to hear coming form a 4 year old. It seems like Harper is well educated about her allergy and will speak up in school or any place if it’s something she shouldn’t eat. Best wishes in your food allergy journey!
I would say that the feeling is forever…like my son studying abroad…everyday we hear the news..could my son be in the wrong place at the wrong time? Same with her allergy. Is school the worst place for her? Maybe not. Perhaps being on Delta airlines when they handout peanuts…just saying. Or at a neighborhood Christmas party with tons of cookies…Prayer, intellect, determination,and cleverness will ultimately help us survive our time on this planet. And being there for each other.
It’s not just allergies. My oldest is in high school-a big, packed full high school, she is old enough to drive…and have a boyfriend… I ask my husband all the time if I can put her in a bubble. 🙂 He reminds me to pray. 🙂 Keep praying-in hands that are bigger than ours. And teach them-you are awesome. Breathe… 🙂
yes it is scary and no you arent over reacting..it is LIFE!!!! she needs to learn to moderate this herself and say NO…..im glad the school is behind you!!!
i am a teacher and we have banned nuts or any nut products, we have an epi pen and have training on how to use it. Families with this allergy love that they can come to us and be accepted cos its the norm….they arent different!!!
what saddens me the most is the parents who complain about not being able to bring peanut butter sandwiches into the centre…..ONE meal we are asking for this!!! come on there are hundreds of other sandwich toppings… what works for me is saying well IF IT WAS YOUR CHILD AND THEY COULD DIE….WOULD YOU???
glad your girl is safe and you keep on caring Mama bear…its your job!!!
Ohmigosh, I’m sitting here with tears in my eyes reading this post. The way you write about your family and share your life with us has caused me (us) to love these children. Sending virtual hugs.
~ Laura
Both of my girls have severe allergies to peanuts, wheat and eggs. Life can be pretty difficult sometimes when they want to eat something they see others eating and they can’t. Because they are only 2 1/2, we have told them a certain food will make them sick if they eat it and that’s enough to deter them for now. I always worry about going to potlucks, birthday parties, etc. because they literally cannot eat ANYTHING there. No pizza, no cake…nothing. I definitely struggle with wanting to keep them in a bubble and honestly, one reason (but definitely not THE reason) I am considering home schooling is because of their food allergies. They also have severe asthma. I carry an epi-pen and inhalers with me everywhere. I have had to educate all of my family and friends on the dangers of food allergies. No one else in my circle of friends has kids with allergies this severe. It’s so scary to witness allergic reactions and it’s scary to think about the what ifs. Thanks for sharing today. When you live with food allergies on a daily basis, it definitely weighs heavy on the heart.
A good friend of mine has a son who’s just as allergic. He’s about the same age & carries his Epipen clipped to his belt. The school principal at first wanted to argue with that. But the thing is – in the time it takes for a teacher to run to the nurses station to get it he could stop breathing.
So scary. I can’t imagine sending my child to school with that kind of allergy. You’re a good mama!
Being a twenty one year old with food allergies and teaching kids at a recreation department, I am always the cautious one looking out for snacks that are safe for everybody. I am not even a parent and I worry about the kids that I care about, so I can only imagine how scary it is for you! You could get Harper a cool sticker set or a pin on button on cafepress.com that warns those around her that she has a nut allergy. You’re a great mom 🙂
My son has a friend in class who has a peanut allergy – she was playing basketball at another school and it seems one of the other players had some oil on her hands and this was passed by the ball to the girl and the result was an ER visit. I didn’t realize that this sort of thing could happen. That being said home schooling isn’t going to protect you unless you intend never to leave the house. She could be pushing a shopping cart with peanut oil on it – so I guess the only thing to do it to protect her by teaching her the signs and what to do if a reaction happens. We can’t live in a bubble.
yes..that was exactly the point i was trying to make and exactly what i was attempting to say…hope my meaning came through correctly!
There are no words, to articulate fear we all have of out living our children. As you said any number of things could happen to them at any given time on any given day. That’s where faith in the One who gave them to us plays such a huge part. Without faith that He is for us and not against us, and that he knows us intimately, there is NO WAY we could ever let our children out of our sight. It’s good for us to say it out loud though sometimes, I think it helps to keep the thoughts of the unimaginable at bay. Hugs to you Stephanie.
I’m not a mother – I’m not even 20 yet. But I read this post and it made tears well up in my eyes. You are a great writer, Stephanie, but more than that, you are a great mother.
Thank you for this post.
Hi Stephanie! My older son also has a peanut allergy, and last year was his freshman year in college. That was a hard “letting go” time as well. All the talking you are doing with Harper right now is exactly what she needs to keep herself aware in these kinds of situations. Keep talking. (not only to Harper, but to her sisters, Harper’s friends, their moms, etc.) It takes a village to raise our children, and it is amazing to know how all of the members of the village care so much!
Our school is nut free, since one of the teacher’s at the middle school is deathly allergic to nuts, one whiff of peanuts on a kids breath and she’s having a reaction. So the bakery I work at has to make 100% sure that there are no nuts, on the bakery products that are sent to the kids parties.
I don’t have kids but I was bit by a rattlesnake once, and know just how scary life can be, one minute I was loping along on my horse, and the next moment I was flying thru the air, snake spooked horse, she bucked, and I landed near the coiled snake and was bit on the ankle. After being rushed to the ER, and many days in the hospital, I’m fine. Except I wear a scar and a swollen ankle where I was bite. Just a reminder just how I could of met the maker that day.
Scary… complete understood how all moms feel and all.
Myself work with taking care of kids at school. I careful with giving out snacks.. all good.
Do know that my school set table for peanut~free kids only! it helps a lot!!
hugs with you and all parents!!
My son too has a peanut allergy. He is 11 and fortunately we have only had to make one trip to the ER, and that was with the initial diagnosis. Question for you though…Do you allow Harper to have plain M&M’s? If you do, STOP! My son has eaten these because he never had a reaction…he got into these after the diagnosis and we thought he would be safe since he did not react. However, we just learned that if a product label states that it may contain peanuts…IT DOES!! Plain M&M’s have peanuts in the coating of the shell….WTH??!! The company and several others petitioned the FDA for a separate warning because they said that it would give away company secrets if they listed peanuts. However, if the product says that it is processed in a plant that contains peanuts, it does not. The company states that to cover themselves. I received all of this information from a pediatric allergist that we just changed over to. Love him and all of the useful information that he gave us. If Harper has not been tested for other nuts, get her tested. Mine is allergic to EVERY single nut, this we found out after years of thinking that peanuts was his only allergy.
It is scary when you have children with allergies but you are so right, you can’t live in a bubble. My 9 year old has coeliac disease and whilst not immediately life threatening, it has long term implications if she has gluten. She was diagnosed a year and a half ago and now she reads all the labels on food to check first. the hardest issue we face is the school one. Last year she was involved in cooking biscuits using wheat flour even though she has a health plan which states she must have no contact with gluten. After reminding the school, it happened again! I was so cross but she knew not to eat it. They thought it was ok as she wasn’t eating it but if it had been a nut allergy they wouldn’t have made her cook with nuts would they!Ok, rant over ;)I think it’s important they we educate our children as well as others around us so our children can participate fully in life. My 11 year old daughter is starting a new school this year and her school is nut free. I think this is an awesome idea.
food allergies are very scary. I have 3 daughters. Only one has allergies. When she was born it was: milk, eggs, peanuts, shellfish, cinnamon. Now she is 11 and she is severly allergic to only peanuts and shellfish. She carries her epi-pen and now knows how to use it (I pray if it every happens somewhere there is an adult there to help.)I have had to give her more freedom now that she is older. but it scares me. every sleepover, every party, every school lunch school lunch.everyday. Thankfully, her school is NUT-FREE now. You are right. There are alot of people who think food allergies are alot of hoooie…but I know different. By the way…love,love,love your blog!!
I know how you feel, my son is 6 years old and thank God he is only allergic to peanuts and goes to public school, as you, we found out he was allergic when he was 10 months old because my daughter let him lick her P&B sandwich. I would like to say that his teachers and the nurse have been very good about keeping him safe, but I would like to share something that happen about a year ago, we went to see my daughter’s performance and there was a little kid wanting to play with my son and offered him pop corn, my son asked me if he could have some and I said no because the bag did not have a label, so my son said no to the boy, for some reason the boy did not like the answer and he tried to shove the pop corn into my son’s mouth, thank God I was next to him and explained the boy why he could not eat the pop corn but he kept trying to make my son eat it..The moral of the story is that no mater where you are they are always at risk and the only thing that we can do is educate them so they can protect themselves.
I can so relate to this feeling–I worry so much about how I can’t keep bunny safe from everything NOW, and it’s in the womb! Loving someone–the best thing there is, but truly terrifying.
I just got my first epipen in my life about two weeks ago. And only at the constant nagging ♡ of my mother…I am allergic to all shellfish – since I was a kid and as I got older I developed (which some people also don’t believe can happen) an allergy to kiwis and latex – all of which now require the pen…I have many others that don’t need the pen but do aggravate my asthma: cats, dogs, horses, dust, pollen, trees, grass, basically anything with fur and anything that blooms and looks pretty…as well as perfume or heavily scented products. My cousin Carly was 18 months old when we found out about her peanut allergy and it was the same thing…just a tiny amount on the smallest piece of a roll that my aunt gave her and within seconds she swelled, turned red, then blue, because she wasn’t breathing. Carly’s had more than one scare – more than once she’s been stuck with that pen and her whole life she’s never had an O’henry bar, she’s never gone to Dairy Queen, and she can’t ever eat Thai food but she’s graduating high school this year and she’s done pretty good with the whole thing and some of her environmental allergies have weakened quite a bit as she’s gotten older. She has no desire to try the pb to see if it is still as bad as it was when she was 2 but she doesn’t really mind it now, she finds enough peanut free foods and candy and adds lots of stuff to Haagen Daas french vanilla ice cream as it’s peanut free to make it yummy.
I don’t have kids yet but this is something I already worry about..are they going to get my allergies or something worse? What causes it? If I eat too much of something during pregnancy will that cause an allergy or is it just hereditary like my bad gall bladder? Who knows but if the time comes I’ll just do what you and my aunt have done, just talk and teach and hope and pray I’ve done enough and they take care of themselves as well as I do. ((HUGS))
My neice has severe allergies to peanuts, egg, dairy and shellfish. We are always very careful. She is now 14 and has “outgrown” the peanut allergy. She has to eat it now or it may come back…this is Weird with a capital W. Keep the faith…He does work miracles.
none of my children have allergies, but, one of the girls’ friends does…and it touches my heart when my six year old says “be sure my snack doesn’t have peanuts because i don’t want my friend to get sick. i must say…harper looks so grown up in that picture. too cute!
Thank you so much for sharing this. So many people do not understand that peanut allergies are life threatening. I own a preschool with 120 kids, 8 classrooms. Just about every classroom at any given time has at least one child with a nut allergy. We have a very strict “no-nut” policy and people give us a hard time about it all the time. Its infruiating. I think the kids understand it better than the adults:) It sounds like Harper is doing a great job with it…that must be so helpful in giving you peace of mind.
Your post very closely reflects what the author of this article has to say:
http://www.bostonmagazine.com/articles/the_age_of_overparenting/page1
I thought it was a really good article and I hope to be aware as a parent myself of letting my kids make their own choices and live their life to the fullest. Thanks for sharing in your post!
I know how feel, one of my nieces is severely allergic to wheat, egg, strawberries, peanuts and milk. She does go to public school and is aware of her limitations. Sometimes it makes my heart twinge when she asks her mom before eating anything new, but I’m so glad that she knows to ask.
Her mom is working with her allergist on oral desensitization. Basically a small amount of something over about a year to help reduce her reaction. They are starting with wheat. The process takes about a year. They hope that this will help reduce devastating consequences from accidental exposure. Something worth looking into.
Allergies are scary and it is so important for people to be aware. My husband watched a girl die at his 8th grade dance because she ate a cookie that had been made with peanut butter…and she didn’t know. He saw that girl die in her daddy’s arms waiting for help and he still remembers it.
It is so scary and I have a tendency to be freakish about my children. How far away from me they are when we are playing. What they eat. Where they go. I even worry while she is at school or when they are with family. Part of this is just me needing to relinquish control and let God have the control. I don’t think it is easy to do this with your babies. I understand your heart Steph. We can’t always protect our kids from harm. We have to let go and let them learn.
There’s a girl in my daughter’s class with nut allergy. It’s a public school, all her classmates and all teacher are aware and they know what to do if an incident happens.
A good idea is that in the teacher’s coffee room there’s a photo of each child with a health issue, with their names and condition underneath. No teacher will forget when they see their photos everyday, 2-3 times a day.
My young daughter has type 1 diabetes. She was in first grade when it reard it’s ugly head. I was so scared to let her go back to school. She get her blood sugar checked before eating, before and after PE, any time she feels low, on the days her friends bring in cupcakes for birthdays…all the parties. We have been very blessed with wonderful teachers and office staff and school nurses. My husband is in the Air Force and so the hardest part for me is educating each new school. 1st and 2nd grade we were in GA, 3rd grade Korea and now 4th grade California. I am not complaining but I am thankful I can drive my kids to school, and go to the school to help with class parties and that we have a home where all the kids friends like to come over…I like it that way so I can keep my eye on her. She is getting really good now…the school nurse has her doing her own shots at school…the nurse pinches her arm and away she goes…but only at school. She won’t do a shot for us at home. But that’s okay, I love being her mom and don’t mind, it will come when she is ready. She is brave because she gets 6 shots a day and is the most happy child. Anyways I like your post.
Just keep talking with her about it. I’m a teacher…in my tenth year. Kids are really good about letting you know about their food allergies. Its funny, I had a kid a few years back allergic to eggs and peanuts. One day I came in late to the cafeteria (for breakfast) and saw that eggs were being served. I went into a small panic, but the kid was eating Cheerios. Because he knew, and the cafeteria knew he was allergic. Kids are a lot more responsible than we give them credit for.
I love your attitude towards this! It’s such an important reminder to us all that we can’t control everything that happens to our children, but that doesn’t mean we don’t let them live their lives to the fullest. It’s something I thought a lot about this weekend, while my boys stayed with their grandma. It kills me I am away from them for so long, but there’s nothing I can do to protect them except pray. So that’s what I did!
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