Okay. I’m going to warn you. This post is going to contain a tiny pity party. I said tiny. Really. As you all know, I’m pretty good at keeping things in perspective. But the beginning of this post contains a vent. If you are one of the people that finds that “annoying” or “whiny”, then you should probably stop reading now. Warning over. =)
Yesterday was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. Rotten in a million ways.
I had a headache.
BOTH children screamed, cried, whined, or threw a fit all day.
Sometimes in tandem, sometimes one at a time.
But when they had their morning meeting
(I let them sing and talk to each other for a good half hour or so before I get them up in the morning)
When they had said meeting, they decided that yesterday was the day to give me a run for my money.
And they apparently pinkie swore that neither one of them would let there be a single silent moment all day.
And they kept their promise.
Snotty, pitiful, broken heart, you’ve offended me to the core mommy crying.
No naps from either.
Thrown things, broken things, hitting, pulling hair,
licking (Sadie licked Harper’s elbow, and to hear Harper tell it, the world almost IMPLODED at that very moment), kicking, throwing of bodies on the floor,
indignant, furious looks…You name it we had it.
Also this little gem in the morning
Harper: mama, sadie is giving me THE STINK EYE!!!!!!!
me: seriously? i’ve got to quit saying things around you.
What I wanted to do was quote the line from Juno,
” And I doubt she gave you the stinkeye, that’s just how her face looks, you know? That’s just her face.”
But I didn’t quote this line for several reasons.
a. Sadie’s face does NOT always look like she’s giving you the stink eye.
b. I don’t want to put that lovely idea in Harper’s head. We’d never hear the end of it.
Anyway, moving on. As I was saying…
IT WAS HORRID.
One or the other was always in the naughty spot, or getting the “Mommy stink eye”, or on their way to the naughty spot.
I was at the end of my rope. I wasn’t speaking kindly or patiently to either.
How can I be an example of kindness,love, and grace
if I’m not using those things?
How can I lecture Harper about being mean to Sadie, if I’m raising my voice?
That makes no sense.
So, last night, after Sadie was tucked safely in bed,
Okay, that’s a lie. Let me rephrase.
After Sadie had tried every cheap trick she had to get me to come in there and get her up,
and after Sadie fell asleep out of sheer exhaustion (and probably anger),
and after Harper was in bed, shooting disgusted, infuriated looks at the door,
and probably sending Sadie morse code signals of how UNFAIR it all was,
I sat in the rocking chair and cried.
And felt sorry for myself for a little bit.
I lamented, and pitied, and reflected….
got angry for a bit. WHY IS IT that everyone complains about their husbands playing too much golf? Or going away for the weekend for work? IT’S NOT FAIR.
And in the quiet, this thought entered my head.
“yes it is fair. it’s life. you chose this life. you are blessed. everyone feels frustration with their situation. everyone misses their loved ones, whether they are gone for a year to a war zone, or gone for a weekend to a business trip in buffalo. those feelings are still valid”.
I prayed for kindness today. For the words that come out of my mouth to be soft spoken. For the motive behind my actions to be love. Clearly love.
And this morning, I looked at this face standing in her crib yelling maaaaMA maaaaMA. This face that broke into a priceless grin the moment she saw me:
and after this little munchkin ran down the all bright-eyed and crazy haired
yelling
GOOOD MORNING MAMAAAAAA!! I WOVE YOU AND I MISSED YOU WHEN WE WERE AWAY!!!!!
I smiled, hugged them both and said “Today will be a good day!”.
And it will.
Because I have two healthy little girls who, after all, are JUST little girls. I need to remember that. I am not dealing with fully functioning, rational adults.
And I have a husband who loves me. Who is in love with me. Who wants to be married to me. He hasn’t left me. Something tragic didn’t happen to him. We HAVE him. We are just geographically separated, that’s all.
Here’s to perspective, to beginning today in a positive day.
I’ll let you know how it goes, ha!!!
xo
s
p.s. i know we all have the right to miss our men, no matter where they are. but a word to the wise….
perhaps it would be best to wait until I leave the room to loudly bemoan the fact that you NEVER get massages anymore b/c your husband has to play golf. I’m just saying.
I mean, feel free to say it in front of me,
but that will definitely 100 percent, no doubt
earn you the stink eye.
at the very least.
maybe the birdie, too.