I have a confession to make. Before I met Jimmy I was clueless. I had no idea what Memorial Day meant. I had no idea about sacrifice or selflessnes or grief. I truly didn’t.
So please take what I’m about to say with that in mind. I’m not claiming that I’m perfect. I am not saying that you aren’t allowed to have a party this Monday. In fact, I will be at a neighbor’s BBQ this year.
I am not trying to be condescending. But I feel the need to write this post.
What am I saying? I’m saying that Memorial Day is not only about BBQs and the start of summer. It is not all about sales and adult beverages and being at the beach.
I am the first to admit that I get a bit ragey about this time every year. I have a hard time seeing the Memorial Day sale flyers and certain blog posts.
I don’t believe that this should be a day for stores to have big blow out sales. We have enough days for that.
I have a hard time saying happy in front of Memorial Day.
I have a hard time with ads like this.
I have a hard time reconciling images like those with images like this one:
Photo by Andrew Harnik- Washington Times
I get that some people don’t know. But at some point, usually in adulthood, that shouldn’t be an excuse.
So what is Memorial Day?
Many people confuse Memorial Day and Veterans Day.
Memorial Day is a day for remembering and honoring military personnel
who died in the service of their country, particularly those who died in
battle or as a result of wounds sustained in battle. While those who
died are also remembered on Veterans Day, Veterans Day is the day set
aside to thank and honor ALL those who served honorably in the military –
in wartime or peacetime.
See a longer definition HERE.
It’s a day to remember those who died. It’s not the same as Veteran’s Day or Armed Forces Day. It’s a day to honor those who died. Simply put.
Memorial Day is bittersweet. I always enjoy being with friends. And this year I am so grateful that J is HOME. Not just home, but that he is still here with us.
I have so many friends that cannot say the same thing.
Y’all. I do not expect you to walk around all mopey on Monday.That is not my expectation. But i’m asking for a basic level of realization.
And empathy to the husbands and wives that are widows and widowers this year. The parents who lost a son or daughter. The children who have lost their mommy or daddy.
They should not be forgotten. It’s one day. One day to remember.
It’s a tough day to explain to kids.
Especially military kids. As I talked to the big girls about the real meaning of Memorial Day this year they were nodding and talking and listening and suddenly Harper’s little voice said
“Is Daddy going to die? What if he doesn’t come home next time he leaves?”
But I think it’s important to talk about it. Talk through it.
That way they will know. They won’t think it’s all about cookouts and the start of summer. Or that it’s only about blowout sales.
Here are some resources.
CNN is honoring 100 faces in 100 hours
Commemorating Memorial Day with Kids
10 Memorial Day Traditions more meaningful than BBQs
Talk and Remember. Simple.
Memorial Day parade directory
Time for Kids- The Meaning of Memorial Day
My best advice? Talk to your kids about it. Just talk about it. It’s that simple.
I hope you have a beautiful, blessed and relaxing day on Monday. And I hope you take at least a moment to remember why you have the day off.
S
Great article. Thank you for the reminder. I am definitely going to do one of the activities suggested in the linked articles with my children tomorrow.
It really does sort of bring it home for me to read your post because it is so true that this is a bittersweet “holiday”.
I have a friend who was in the Air Force but actually died of cancer at the age of 33.
So even though he didn’t die in a battle on the field, it was definitely a battle. A hard fought battle because he left behind 4 kids under the age of seven 🙁
And to me he was/is a hero.
So I am also praying for him and his family, along with all of the other families who have lost someone in the line of duty this weekend.
Great post!
I live in Canada and we don’t have Memorial Day here. We only have Remembrance Day which falls on the same day as your Veteran’s Day but I know where you are coming from.
I get very upset when people start talking about letting the stores and schools be open on that day or no longer having Remembrance Day ceremonies in the schools.
Both my grandfathers fought in the Second World War, one of them on Juno Beach on D-Day. Thankfully both of them came back alive but so many others didn’t, including my great Uncle who died in the last days of the war in Holland.
My children are small but I make it a point to take them to the cenotaph on Remembrance Day because I feel its important they remember the sacrifices that were made so that when they get older they won’t just see the day as a free day off from school.
Thank you to your husband for the sacrifices he has made and will continue to make and thank you to you and your girls for the sacrifices you make so that he can do his job. Have a blessed Memorial Day.
Well said, Stephanie. My son is only 6 and he knows that soldiers are special, extremely brave, and protect us. And he has a grandpa and a great grandpa who were soldiers. So we honor them each Memorial Day, and we have a display in a large shadow box which we keep on the wall all year long which has the medals and badges and old photos from his grandpas. We take time to reflect, and then we celebrate our lives just by being together. Thank you to your husband for his service. And to you for living with his service every day.
Thank you, Stephanie. Hard post to write, very well written. Have a wonderful day with J and your 4 gorgeous little girls. Please thank Jimmy for all of us.
Well said, Stephanie! Don’t have any members currently serving in my family, but will take a moment tomorrow to remember the sacrifice that all members of the military and their families do for our great nation.
Tell Jimmy a big thank you from all of us! And of course, you and the girls too:)
Thank you Stephanie, you are so much better at putting this into words than I could ever be.
We are spending Memorial Day at a BBQ with other military families, from around the world, and the true meaning of the day will not be lost on us, as we all have friends who never came home.
Thank you Howells, for your service.
I’m always grateful for the reminder of what Memorial Day is truly about, Stephanie. Thank you.
God love little Harper. Thanks for posting this, Steph.
So very well said… As always… Everyone needs to remember…
Beautiful, beautiful post, Stephanie.
Thank you does not seem like enough to express how appreciative I am of all that your family, and families like yours, sacrifices for the rest of us.
God Bless you, and all the military personnel and families around the world.
With much heartfelt gratitude, praise and hugs,
Janell
I admit I didn’t know the difference for a long time, but as I have grown into adulthood, married my own military man and had children, I have come to realize the true meaning and sacrifice. It filled my heart with pride as I watched my boys in their own scout uniforms putting flags on the graves of those that had served their country…AND taking a minute each time to say Thank You. It’s not nearly enough, but it’s the least we can do.
Thank you Stephanie. You’re right, Memorial Day is a hard one to understand until you get a little older. And then the meaning gets lost in the flood of sales, BBQ’s and ‘start of summer’ attitudes.
Stephanie i could not agree more, just from following you and some other friends that are military wives i find this disgusting and that we live in a country that is so screwed as to priorities.
sales celebrating a holiday that is meant to remember those who’ve lost their lives serving our country.
athletes making millions more than our teachers.
football players making millions more than our soldiers.
something is wrong here and i’m so glad someone like you with a voice has come out and said what you’ve said. it needs to change. for us, for our children and for our futures.
Awesome post, Stephanie! These words are wonderful and very balanced I think. This weekend I am celebrating the life of my grandfather (who is not a veteran, by the way) at his funeral and spending time with family. At first I was pretty upset by the timing because for me, Memorial Day has always been about our first annual camping trip of the summer, and now of course we can’t go. I never really realized the importance of this day and the heartbreak that so many people feel. I am so glad that you posted this! So glad also that your husband is home with you. Have a blessed weekend.
Raw Truth. Move over on the sofa, I get a little ragey about it too. ((hugs)) to you, yours and all the families who have stood at the graveside with the flag draped casket, listening to Taps and the ‘salute’.
No need for disclaimers, this is your blog. Thank you for giving this day’s meaning a voice. My grandfather fought in WWII and used to get so upset about the sales flyers. I was probably only 12 when he talked (raged) about this to me. He also showed me his Purple Heart and the back of his calf that was scooped out from his injury. He died when I was 17. I remember his words now, and believe them with my heart. No military members in the family since him, but my heart sinks every time I see a flag at half mast and I cannot control myself when I hear Taps and think about all those left behind. We go to the parades and talk about the soldiers with my kids…acknowledgement without a guilt trip. When we’re away camping we light red, white, and blue candles for the soldiers. Thanks again for the post.
Thank you for your words, friend.
Thank you so much for posting this; I am incredibly blessed to still have my husband by my side after three tours, but many are not so lucky. And thank you for clarifying the difference between Memorial Day and Veteran’s Day for the many who don’t know- I actually had someone comment on an IG photo last year, “Don’t you think one day is enough?!” in reference to a picture I posted on Memorial Day of flags and a caption that read, “Remember the reason for this ‘day off'”. You are such a strong voice for military families; thank you, thank you!
Very well said. It’s a ‘pet peeve’ of mine as well that people see Memorial day as just another excuse to drink beer and bbq. But it annoys me that people mistake it for Veterans day. I saw a sign for a clothing store that said ‘Big sale for those who gave us freedom’… uhh.. yeah. Thank you for putting that reminder out of what this day represents.
Thank you for this Stephanie. Last year on this day ( the Sunday before Memorial Day) I was with my sweet 15 y o son at the DFW National Cemetery and some of his fellow cadets from his Sea Cadet Squadron placing flags on the graves there. I was overwhelmed with pride and sadness as I watched these boys place flags on these soldiers and sailors graves, particularly those that were young when they passed. Tomorrow he will be participating in a color guard at a Dallas nursing home that house veterans from several wars including WWII ,Korean and Vietnam. I tell you this because when I was his age ( and well into my adult years) I DIDN’T know and I’m embarrassed to admit it. I thank your husband, you and your precious family for his service . Have a wonderful day tomorrow and enjoy your family.
AMEN!
Amen…I also have heard grown adults say they can’t remember which day is which between Memorial Day and Labor Day. It blows my mind. Thank you Jimmy for your service to this country and God Bless all of you.
Great post Stephanie. I think a lot of people confuse Memorial Day and Veterans Day. I asked the kids if they talk about the difference in school. We try to watch on tv when the president visits Arlington National Cemetery. My grandfather is buried there. He was killed in WWII when my mother was only one. We visit there every summer when we go to Maryland and at Christmas.
Thank you for your post. I am a Canadian who has been living in the United States for 14 years. I did not know the true meaning of Memorial Day…I thought it was to honor all veterans, living or dead. But I now know that day is Veterans Day. I have followed your blog since the days of the “Fee farket.” (If memory serves correctly on Harper’s pronunciation of Flea Market!) Anyway, I thank you for your honest, raw posts bc they have opened my eyes to the hard lives of military families. You are a special young woman with a great gift of writing. Thank you for sharing your lives with us. God bless you and your sweet family.
I love this post! It is so well written and such a great reminder for everyone about the importance of Memorial Day! Thank you for the reminder and thank all of you for J’s service.
Hi Stephanie. We are finishing up our posting here in Ft. Leavenworth and had the opportunity to place flags with our scout kids at the Leavenworth National Cementery. Since we live on post, all weekend long I’ve seen people stop in the cemetery and bring in their flowers to decorate many graves. It is such a wonderful sight to see so many being honored.
My heart aches for the many families that lost their loved ones and I myself have a hard time reconciling the word “Happy” with “Memorial Day.” I feel a little knot in my stomach whenever I see that Gold Star parking spot at the Commissary or the PX. I’ll be hugging my Soldier extra tight tonight.
I confessed that when I came to America, i saw this day as the kind of day those flyers are advertising. I love all the things I have learn about the real life of a military family. I now pay more attention to thins kind of things, I know make sure to include in my prayers all the brave men and women and their families serving their country.
I love this post! This is so true. I hate that its another excuse for a sale. I’m remembering all those who fought and lost their lives to let us live ours.
Wow Stephanie this post is beautiful. I think you did a beautiful job writing it. Not an easy one to write. O that pic breaks my heart. So much sadness and pain on this day. May they all find peace in God and our Lord and Savior. I totally agree that it is NOT appropriate to have big sales on Memorial day:( I’ve always felt a bit odd when I see that.
May God bless you and your precious family and all those of serve and those who have sacrificed everything!! Thank you so much for all you sacrifice for me and my family. Tell J we thank him too!
YES!!!!! I get ragey about it too. Your post was perfectly stated. I think this year will be a bit more memorable for my kids. Only two months ago, they were at my grandmother’s funeral (She was an Army Nurse in WWII) – seeing the flag draped on her casket, hearing Taps at her grave, and watching the handsome young men in uniform fold up her flag and present it to my grandfather. I wasn’t in a good enough state to talk to them about it then (she raised me), but you can bet we’ll talk about it tomorrow for sure.
Bless your sweet husband for his service – and your family, and ALL military families for all they do to protect our freedoms in this great land. I’m so glad J’s home to be with you all.
Strange how in different countries – there are very different customs. Here in Israel, memorial day is a day of remembering our fallen soldiers and citizens who died at war/terror attacks. The day includes 2 sirens – one on the eve of the day and one in the morning – during which the entire country stops what they are doing (be it driving, working, public transport), stand up and think about those who are not with us.
I couldn’t even imagine having a BBQ on such a sad day.
Great post, Stephanie. I blogged about honoring those in my family who have died serving our country.
Beautiful words, as always. I’m sad to say I was pretty clueless myself, until a few years ago. And, after finding my way here, I’ve become even more aware and learned so much. Thank you for sharing the hopes, struggles, joy, heartbreak, pride, fear, bravery, and sacrifices that you and other military families endure on a daily basis. Blessings to all of you.
Smart lady you are. You wrote this with so much feeling I have tears. That first photo says it all as well. Many blessing to you and your family <3
Well said.
Stephanie, you have brought me to tears. A truly moving post that I totally agree with. If your post makes just one person “think” they will hopefully pass it on…
Well done you :)xx
Thankyou for a beautifully written post. I think it is a message many need to hear.
Thanks for this important reminder. And thank you to J, you and the girls for all you have sacrificed.
Thank you! My husband is active duty Navy and yesterday service members at our church were asked to where their uniforms. While he wore his proudly, he got very uncomfortable with the idea of being “recognized” on Memorial Day. There are definitely many people who don’t distinguish the two days- Veterans & Memorial, and yet they want to say “thank you for serving” to those who are here. My husband chooses to accept that thanks in honor and memory of those who have sacrificed and died in their service.
Love you, Steph. And thanks for writing this.
Thanks for your heartfelt post. Being from another country, we have Nov. 11th as Rememberance Day. I think that you, your families and your military families have such a deep personal connection, one that perhaps the rest of us could not possibly experience without knowing the loss of someone military in our lives. I really never knew this. I can’t imagine living with the fear and then the loss. I think of all the very young children and families left and it is extremely sad. I know this must be a huge day of remembering those you have known, but also of thanks that your dear J is here. I wish you a lightened heart on this day. Thanks for the education.
I have a question for you. Would it be possible to also be able to celebrate those lives of loved ones lost as well on this day? as another way to honour what they did in their life and their life well lived? I am only asking because after loosing someone very special to me a year go, there was no funeral, but rather a celebration of life. I and we discovered that we could grieve and mourn someone we loved so very dearly, and feel a smile on our face as we all talked about all the wonderful things he did in life, and all of those he loved, as we honoured and celebrated him.
I wish you much peace on this day. All the best to your beautiful family and your very brave husband.
Your words are incredible and a great reminder of how me centered our world has become. To take time to truly remember those who have made the ultimate sacrifice should not be an afterthought that we flippantly think about before heading to the party, it should be something we are grateful for on a consistent basis. Because of someone else’s sacrifice we are living life and living it pretty well. Thank you to you and your husband and family for your sacrifice every day and I will pray for protection for your husband and those he serves with.
Thank you for posting this.
A heartfelt thank you to Jimmy for his valiant service, and hug for you and the girls for standing lovingly behind him in his calling.
Well said my friend! I’ve learned a lot about Memorial Day today- also being Canadian, it’s not something I remember hearing about, even growing up in a military town- or maybe I was too much of a teenager to remember.
Thinking of your beautiful family and your sacrifices, as well as those of countless other families today.
Thanks again, Stephanie. As I said, I thought it was to honor all of the dead, but you explained it perfectly!
I’m guessing you’re a MKA fan, too?! She’s awesome, isn’t she?
Happy Memorial Day to you and your family.
Very well said Steph. Because we don’t celebrate Memorial Day here, I looked it up last week – I wanted to know the difference between your Veterans’ Day (the same day as our Remembrance Day) and Memorial Day.
I found the same explanation you posted above. I had no idea and it took me 35 years to find out. But now I know.
Today though was a different kind of Memorial day for me – I attended the funeral of a young woman, just 33 years old, mother of a beautiful 6 year old girl, who was brutally killed by her ex (her daughter’s father). Though all the details haven’t come to light yet, he is in custody and will face trial. For me, today was a day to remember Tanya, as a daughter, sister, mother, coworker and friend.
We have holidays set aside to remember those we’ve lost – no matter how we lose those we love – they should (and I’m sure are) remembered every day, not just on a day to mark the beginning of a season.
Bless you Steph and Jimmy and your beautiful girls!! xx
Hi Steph. Thanks for your obedience and integrity. As a military family for nearly 20 years I totally get it. First to go for Operation Iraqi Freedeom, Two tours to Afghanistan, Operation Hope(Somalia), Dessert Storm. My kids and I are very familiar and we understand the TRUE meaning of Memorial Day. Thank Jimmy for his service.
-KRISTOL-
The picture you posted on Instagram was so powerful.
In Britain we only just seem to be waking up to what a military family gives. In the light of recent events happening in London to the off duty soldier, I think it is a timely reminder to us all. America has always honoured it’s heroes well, we need to follow that lead.
Well said, well said.
Hey Stephanie Howell! I’ve nominated you for a blogger-to-blogger award. Go to http://www.peacenerds.com and read the first 2 posts about the Liebster award. We (as a family) value your story and the inspiration it has provided us. I hope you will participate. And if you are interested, my other blogs are http://inspiredartisan.wordpress.com, http://raisingpeacenerds.tumblr.com, and http://drmamamia.wordpress.com
Thanks! Happy traveling!
Well said as usual. I too am uncomfortable with “Happy Memorial Day”. It’s been 17 years since my dh left the Navy so sometimes I have to work to remember what it was like to have him gone all the time, and to worry about him coming home at all. We spend part of Memorial Day in Newport, RI where my dh gave a short speech at the Dedication of a Plaque at the Grave of a Medal of Honor Recipient. If you’d like to read his remarks I posted them on my blog here: http://www.sacredordinariness.com/2013/05/memorial-day-2013-remembering-medal-of.html
Thank you Stephanie and your family and dh for the sacrifices that you’ve made and are making to keep our country safe and free.
Well said as usual! I agree totally. It’s been awhile since I’ve been a Navy wife but I still remember that feeling of wondering if my dh would be okay — way back during the First Gulf War. We spent Memorial Day afternoon in Newport RI where my dh gave a short talk at the unveiling of commemorative plaque for Navy Gunner’s Mate who won a Medal of Honor. If you are interested in his remarks I posted them on my blog here: http://www.sacredordinariness.com/2013/05/memorial-day-2013-remembering-medal-of.html
Sorry about the two comments — I thought the first one hadn’t gone through!
Oh that little tiny sadie face makes me just want to SQUEEEEEEEEEZE her!
Thanks for sharing this–that photo makes me cry. I don’t know if you’ve ever heard about Memorial Day in Israel, but it’s interesting because it’s this really serious, solemn day where there’s a full moment of silence where the entire country grinds to a halt. People even stop and get out of their cards on the highway. I don’t know why it’s so different here, but it’s really hard to remember to look beyond the sales and BBQs and summer celebrations. Thanks for the reminder.
Thanks for sharing! Thanks for your sacrifice. So many people take our soldiers for granted. They do! It is such a sad thing. I can’t thank you enough for sharing your life. Thank God for you and your family.
TRUTH. Thank you for not being afraid to share! Love your genuine, honest, tender heart!!! 🙂
A beautiful post Stephanie. I have been thinking about soldiers who are no longer with us a lot lately here in England, for various reasons. And I always try and make sure the children understand and have respect for those who offer their service and those who have suffered loss.