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Stephanie Howell

reading, organizing, shopping, momming too close to the sun. Home is wherever the Army sends us.

she shines

she got in the car yesterday full of joy and stories.

she talked and talked. about art,about reading,about a song she is singing in her classroom. she talked about snack,lunch,what she was wearing, what her friends were wearing,she talked about math.

i said what about recess harper? who did you play with?

and there was silence from the back seat. so i asked again. i noticed she was looking out the window.

i gently asked her one last time. she looked at me and said

promise me you won’t feel sad for me mama?

i gulped. and promised.

she said i didn’t play with anyone. i played alone. i’ve been playing alone since yesterday. (they have 2 recess times a day by the way)

so i asked her why. and she told me.

the girls had been chasing the boys, calling them ugly names,and throwing wood chips at them. she said she knew it was wrong and it made her tummy feel yucky to think about acting like that, so she played alone.

all alone harper? were you the only one?

yes mommy. the only one. but i don’t mind. i didn’t want to be part of that so i used my imagination by myself.

apparently the class (except h) got in trouble when they came back in and the teacher talked to them about treating each other in an unkind way.

but my girl? well she had the guts to stand up and say no…and to not do something that everyone else was doing.

you know what? i wasn’t ever brave enough to do that. i usually went along with everyone else (and felt HORRIBLE and guilty while i was doing it).

she’s becoming the girl i pray she will be. and it gives me so much joy and so much pride to see her stand tall and hold her ground. i know there will be harder times, i know that she will give in sometimes. but this was big for her. she just wants to be loved and takes it personally if she’s not (kind of like someone else i know..ahem.).

i bought her a tiny rhinestone star necklace. this weekend i want to take her to our special spot at dunkin donuts:


and i am going to give her the necklace and tell her again how proud i am of her. and that every time she feels scared or alone or worried, she can put her hand to her throat and feel the tiny star. and it will be a reminder that she shines.that she is precious and that she is worth far more than rubies. and wood chips. 🙂

happy friday, y’all. i hope your weekend is beautiful and blessed!

xoxo

Comments

  2. This brought tears to my eyes. You are definitely doing something right as a mama. I pray that my little ones will have the strength, character and compassion to act like this as they grow.

  3. She rocks–and you are obviously doing things right, mama! We are going to the ranch this weekend and I will miss miss MISS having you guys there! Sigh…one of these years–or we’ll meet up in NY!
    xoxo

  5. “Promise me you won’t feel sad for me Mama?” Oh my, what a special girl you have their Steph! She shines just like her Mama <3

  8. goodness, thanks for making me tear up on a friday! 🙂 what a great mom you are – it is always wonderful when there is obvious proof that we are doing SOMEthing right as parents! 🙂

  9. Oh, my that is so wonderful. I love that she also knew it might make you sad for her AND that she had to be asked about it. I wonder what would’ve come up @ the parent teacher conference if you hadn’t asked that question. I hope her teacher says something to you too. Hugs and way to rock it…she didn’t come by that all by herself. 🙂

  10. Oh Stephanie. What a sweet, sweet story. And what a sweet, sweet girl. I don’t even know your little lovely but my heart is so proud of her! And so proud of you for raising such a darling.

  13. ahh…happy tears! thanks for reminding us that it is hard and sometimes scary and lonely to do the right thing…Harper just gave me a pat on the back for something i am struggling with! i may be shopping for a little star necklace for myself! good job, mama!

  15. That story gave me chills and made me cry. Awesome….what a fabulous job you guys are doing raising a strong girl! Way to go Harper!!!!!

  16. TEARS. I have real tears flowing down my face. What a wonderful little lady you are raising. You have much to be proud of. Enjoy your special date with your little STAR.

  18. How amazingly wonderful. You guys are clearly doing it right. I LOVE that she knows right from wrong and acts accordingly, and I LOVE that she didn’t want you to feel bad/sad. She is a star!!!

  19. You have a knack for writing things about your girls that brings tears to my eyes and a lump to my throat. Thanks so sharing this wonderful story. She is truly a special and strong little girl!

  20. oh my what a beautiful story!!! I love the fact that you bought her a star necklace that is a gorgeous idea!!!
    Love it!

  23. I think your necklace idea is super cute … but I also think it’s amazing that Harper already knew that she had a ‘ruby’, ‘star’, ‘shiny heart’ and she acted on that all by herself. 🙂 That’s just awesome. And how mature that she wasn’t going to tell you – she was doing what was right for herself and not for anyone else. Absolute sweetness!

  26. I have never commented before but I am an avid reader. I HAD to respond to this…it brought tears to my eyes. I was bullied in junior high and to read that at your daughter’s age she is strong enough to stand up for what she believes in shows what an amazing young lady she is! i know that it has to do with how she has been raised but also the fact that she “knows” and that is what is amazing! I still have a lump in my throat, I am so proud of your sweet sweet daughter. Giver her an extra hug from me will you? Love your star necklace idea….you have no idea how special you and your family is.
    Hugs to you all of you!

  27. GAH! Now I am crying again! She is a lovely & thoughtful girl. You know who taught her that?? *YOU* Mama!! How awesome that she stuck to her (little) guns and didn’t follow the crowd. I am proud for you!! ((HUGS))

  29. Yea, so I am tearing up! You and Harper are BOTH stars. And cultivate this NOW. After the week I have had with my 11 year old daughter and a mean girl experience, I know now more strongly than ever, how important it is to keep an open dialogue with our daughters. Life is hard but Miss Harper is strong. Go Howells.

  30. Ok, you just made me cry. She is beautiful inside and out. You are doing an amazing job of raising your girls, and it really shows! Can’t wait to hear what she thinks of her necklace 🙂

  31. Such a sweet story.. Made me nervous at first but then smile with the happy ending! I want my children to shine also.. Such a good feeling when what u want ur children to be is coming true. Lots of hard work on ur part:) good job mama!

  34. H is so brave and sweet. I think she is the youngest kid I’ve seen defending her own criteria. She is so sensible and empathic (does this word exist in English?). You’re doing great!
    xoxo, Bea

  35. that is so sweet and wonderful. makes us as parents feel so proud. it’s overwhleming! claire used to spend a lot of time playing alone at parties and playdates and it would make ME sad that she wasn’t being “normal” then one time not long ago the kids were running and chasing while calling ugly names. claire had been playing with the group for a little while which made me happy but once the wild behavior started she went off alone. i realized in that moment what makes her seem not normal to me is actually a blessing becuase she is OK being alone when needed and she knows when to leave the pack to stand up for herself. it’s called independece and that’s exactly what i wanted from her. it was a proud moment and good realization for me as a parent that i needed to stop wanting her to play with the “group” just so she wasn’t left out. it wasn’t hurting her…only me. HUGS! Love ya Steaks!

  39. Seriously that is the BEST story I have heard in a very long time! I LOVE that Harper has the guts of a Ranger at her age!! You and J have done good! She is a rockstar and you should buy yourself a star necklace as well. You deserve it too!

  44. Oh she is a special one for sure. I can only hope that some of those girls in her class, who probably felt horrible and guilty while they were following others, can look to Miss H as a shining example. You and your soldier are doing a fantastic job with those lovely girls.

  46. Om my godness, What a girl, what a proud mama you must be….such a reflection on both you and J. The world needs more of her!

  48. honestly, this post made me cry. You must be bursting with pride – good job, Mama! and –
    Way to go, Harper! Stay true to who you are! I wish I had your courage 🙂

  51. Aww that brought tears to my eyes. Such a gorgeous girl, what an amazing job you’ve done with raising her. xx

  52. Not only should you be proud of Harper, you should be proud of yourself. What a fantastic, grown-up little girl, with a BIG heart, and what a shining example her mama is for her…
    Yay, Harper!
    And yay, Stephanie!

  54. You do make a difference in her life…how very special. I know you feel so proud of her and I feel proud of you for being a great momma! Love from OKC

  55. I know the pride you must feel in her…i dont even know her (other than through your blog!) and I am soooo very [roud of her! The world needs strong, courageous people like her to stand for what is right….even if you stand alone! Thanks for sharing that precious story! You and James have done such a great job! In cooperation with God, of course! Blessings!

  56. Hey steph! Kids can be so mean already. My daughter’s in first grade and says a boy is teasing her about our last name. Harper’s story was such an inspiration and I loved your necklace idea!

  63. You are raising a strong little girl who will be a strong middle schooler! You have every reason to be so very very proud! I teach middle school and kids can be so mean!
    Well done Harper and mama!

  71. debbie-thank you so much for sharing. and im so very sorry you had to endure that. i cannot TOLERATE bullying for one second. i couldnt as a teacher and i will not as a mother. big hugs and so much love- S

  73. Oh, Harper, you go girl! You did better than us big girls! God bless you and your mama!!! BTW- where did the adorable horse shirt come from?

  75. This brings tears to my eyes and chills down my spine. We need more Harpers in this world. You have every reason to be proud. You’re raising such wonderful little girls.

  79. 3 cheers to Harper.! My hero! Need to share this with my nieces and nephew. Thanks for sharing Stephanie.

  80. She is such a special girl. But you knew that, right? My girl found her bestie sitting behind a tree at recess in kindergarten. We moved away, but kept things going and I pray those little souls will stay connected forever. I’m hoping H will find a best friend who has been empowered by the same kind of mama!

  81. Man. Tears in my eyes. Proud of your girl. Being braver than sometimes grownups are. So happy you are taking the time (with all that your life holds) to celebrate this moment with her. Good job!!

  83. Well done Harper! I wish I have your courage to stick to my beliefs instead of going with the flow. Thank you Stephanie for sharing this, Reading this really touched my heart. She is so young yet she is so so brave!

  84. Can you be my mom please? Sure I might be older than you, and well, kind of creepy but, I would like a star to wear too. I too am proud of your little girl, it is so brave to stand up for what is right, and knowing she knows that at her age is an AMAZING reflection of you are a parent and the love she has at home.

  86. Thank you for sharing this. I’m going to read it to my seven year old son. I want him to make good choices like Harper did, if he is ever in the same situation. Thank you Harper for doing the right thing, you are a brave girl and a true leader.

  88. WOW, this is sooooo amazing and sweet!!! Thanks for the tears and smile this morning, she is just like YOU!!! Both of you can be proud!!

  89. What a wonderful caring girls she is turning out to be- YES you should be very , very proud of her. I think the necklace idea is wonderful.
    Your raising a fantastic child (children)

  90. What a beautiful post. I’ll say like others, it brought tears to my eyes. Way to go, Harper!! And kudos to Mommy and Daddy for raising her to be such a kind, caring soul. I love your necklace idea – she truly DOES shine!

  91. What a wonderful little girl you have! I can only imagine how the two of you feel. Harper is one special little lady to be proud of!

  92. Way to go Harper!!! You have true courage! As for you Steph…it is a rare time in our child raising to actually see the fruits of our labor or to experience what we have taught our children. I love that you got to experience it…it just opens that tiny window of validation that helps to bolster us on the not so good days (and they are coming…think 15) when you question your parenting. Way to go Steph!

  93. I know how proud you must be! I’m proud of her and I’m not even her mama. She’s got such a pure heart. I hope it stays that way always.

  95. Last weekend I took my almost 19 year old daughter to university, 200 miles away. Your post made brought tears to my eyes because a friend asked me how I was feeling and my response was very similar to yours “she’s becoming the girl i pray she will be. and it gives me so much joy and so much pride to see her stand tall and hold her ground”. Leaving her at Uni reminded me of how I felt when she started school, about her friends and her choices. I always say that being a parent is the most difficult job in the world but the most rewarding. Thank you for sharing this very special moment with us.

  98. This story brought tears to my eyes! Not only does she have a big, wonderful heart she also has an incredible sense of self. It takes a strong sense of self to shun everyone to do what you know is right. You are raising such a wonderful little lady!

  99. Oh Stephanie – what a wonderful thing your girl did! She should definitely be proud of herself. Kindness, thoghtfulness, and empathy are wonderful qualities to have. Especially in 1st grade!

  100. HARPER YOU ARE SO SO AWESOME!!! This is so so sweet and I love that you are taking her out for a special time and telling her she shines. SO SO sweet!!!

  101. hopefully she will make some new friends soon, they can’t all be bullies. She must have been really nervous about her first day at a new school. Even more special that she decided to stay true to herself.

  105. Ahh sweet tears <3 Being 7 months pregnant makes me even more emotional than normal. But THIS story(thank you for sharing with us by the way) would have made me cry any day. I am a Momma to a beautiful 7 year old girl named Raine, and she is very similar to Harper. My daughter recently asked me why kids point their eyes up and saying I am turning chinese, I am turning japanese. She said it was very rude of them and she thought maybe they did not know that. You and J are doing a FANTASTIC job with your girls. <3

  107. you are such a good mama. your kids will have great heads on their shoulders. they already do. harper-proof. i just want to squeeze her and tell her i am so proud of her.

  109. So lovely , glad she feels so confident in herself and her convictions to be herself and strong under the strain of peer pressure. Being a school teacher before I became a mum it’s a very special little girl you have there…. But I am guessing you already know that 🙂

  110. Good job Harper! and good job Stephanie for raising her to be kind and not to be the kind of girl that is mean to boys. Too many people think it’s not nice for boys to tease girls, but have no problem when it’s girls teasing boys. What a wise girl you have to know when something isn’t right. This is for sure a parenting moment to make you proud of your daughter. What a great post. She looks so cute in that top picture!

  112. This is one of the sweetest things I have ever heard. And not just because of Harper’s decision to do what she knew was right, or the fact that she was perfectly okay to be by herself. Or that she was concerned about what her mama would feel/say/think if she told her. All of that is so tender and moving. But the part that REALLY sent me over the edge was this: “every time she feels scared or alone or worried, she can put her hand to her throat and feel the tiny star. and it will be a reminder that she shines.” Yes she does. She shines brightly. So does her mama. Very brightly indeed. xoxo

  113. Hi Stephanie,
    You are just beginning to see how the hard work, blood, sweat and tears, and PRAYERs are going to pay off BIG time in your lovely daughters lives! I haven’t been able to comment in a while, because my teenage boys, 19 and 16 have kept me running. But I check in often and pray that you and Jimmy will be blessed 🙂 Thank him for what he does, and thank YOU for what you do 🙂
    much love,
    tonyad

  115. What a proud moment INDEED!!! Heck! I’m proud of her and she’s not even my daughter!!!
    Whatever you are doing, including praying :), you’re doing it RIGHT!!!! 🙂
    I LOVE the star, ‘You SHINE!’ necklace idea!!!!
    Way to go Harper!!!!!

  116. Wow, that is truly and amazing story about your amazing little girl! What a wonderful feeling to know that all the hard work you have putting into teaching her is paying off right in front of your eyes. I can only hope my children will be the same way! By God’s grace!

  117. Steph, your post brought tears to my eyes. You have such an amazing, independent, and loving girl there. How precious! And, that necklace will be such a special reminder for her. 🙂

  118. Ok…. I am all teary eyed reading this. What a wonderful girl. You are such a great Mama. I’m praying I have days like this when my littles are older.

  119. oh my goodness! I LOVE what you shared! She is amazing! I love what you are doing with the necklace! You are amazing too! I’m so glad I popped into your blog. I always am anytime I do! I’m going to share this story with my girls. Thanks you 2!

  120. WOW!! we grown ups could learn from her!! hugs to miss harper and her bravery…and to you..such a sweet story..thanks for sharing…made my day..there still is kindness in the world!

  121. This made me have a lump in my throat! When I read “the promise you won’t be sad for me mama” part. But oh man, when she said she knew it wasn;t right so she just played alone….WOW! The bravest little princess!!!!! I can only imagine how proud you felt of her at that monent. Kindness! I’ve seen you talk about that before here on your blog and she learned from the example you have been. I love the star necklace idea too!

  122. seriously. this made me tear up (damn hormones!) i only hope my madelyn and some day girl #2 will have the same brave and lovely outlook on life! kudos to you steph for raising such a fabulous little girl!!

  123. Kids..they do the darndest things! My oldest boy was at an 8th grade Halloween party at a private home, and the kids all decided to go out egging..things I guess..and my son said,”No, I’ll stay and watch a movie” Go figure! But finally after he turned 19 he started to feel the peer pressure which meant changing his wardrobe style. Bowing to peer pressure, I knew it had to happen eventually.

  124. wow…just another little sign that no matter how hard the journey has been…YOU. HAVE. BEEN. AN. AWESOME. MOMMA. So very proud of H!!!

  126. Proud of both of you – you (and Jimmy) for raising her so well and Harper for being so STRONG! I’m not sure I would’ve been that strong and sure of myself at her age.

  128. What an amazing, amazing, amazing little girl! I work so hard to make sure my kids are kind. It’s nice to see there are other mamas out there doing the same! You should be so very proud! 🙂

  129. Thank you very much for sharing Harper’s story. As many mentioned here, you have done a FANTASTIC job being a wonderful and confidant Mama to 4 beautiful girls. you have set a great example for me to be the same to my son:) I hope I will get to share similar story with you someday. This post tug at my heart whole heartedly…

  130. ok.
    this just made me cry.
    i love that girl.
    and i love you SO MUCH.
    you inspire me all the time, steph.
    you both– you ALL– are amazing.
    xoxoxo.

  131. I read all your post, but don’t usually comment, but omgoodnes I got teary eyed reading this. I can’t pass up the chance tell this little girl how precious she is. We should all take a lesson from her. Way to go Harper.

  132. I’ve been reading your blog for a couple years now (friends with some of the same scrapbookers:) and I always am amazed at the similarities of our girls. My oldest, 8, is a quiet, sweet, sensative, rule following dancing princess. My four year old is a fun loving, loud, soccer playing, comedian that loves to entertain and has one liners that make us laugh out loud. Just the other day my 8 year old came home upset about a classmate that told her to get up during lunch in the cafeteria and tell a boy to come sit with them. She wouldn’t do it because you’re not allowed up walking around during lunch. The other girl got angry with her. It’s not fair sometimes what our sensative sweet girlies have to put up with. It took 2 years but my oldest finally found a group of girlies to play with on the playground that wasn’t chasing boys playing vampires, that didn’t have private clubs that not everyone was welcome…..Harper and my girlie are shining examples of amazing kids that will do the right thing and be examples to everyone they meet. 🙂

  135. she is just beautiful and that would make me one proud mama, but also teary like you. amazing little Harper. xxxx

  139. OMG girl!!! This is so awesome. I have a 5 year old little boy that is struggling with preschool and not wanting to play with anyone. (Not bc of a serious issue like H’s) but it does break my heart when I hear him tell me that he plays alone. I hope he will be strong enough to stand up to his peers when the time is needed, just like H has. You must be so proud.

  141. This just brings tears to my eyes!! Darn it.. and I’m at work too!! 🙂
    She’s such an amazing girl, your Harper.. and you’re an awesome mama!
    One day when i have kids, I want to be like you!

  143. oh stephanie, i am so very Proud for both You & H! i have watched you both grow so much over the years, you are doing such a Wonderful job with your little ladies my friend & it shows. my heart just smiled when i read this, thank you.

  145. hi Stephanie,
    i loved this post about Harper. you have done an amazing job teaching her this life lesson! i have just co-authored a children’s book about this subject. it is based on this blog post, http://jillandcharlieb.blogspot.com/2009/01/happy-birthday-zella-marie.html about my daughter, Zella Marie. right now my book is at the illustrator, and we should have a hard copy in a few months. i would love to send you a book when they come out. i love reading your blog, and your girls are just too cute! and thank you so much for all of the sacrifices you and the girls make so that Jimmy can be a brave soldier. i am very proud of your family. a simple thank you doesn’t sound like enough…
    jill b

  147. What.A.Superstar.
    You, Jimmy and Harper – what a team and what a young woman you are raising. Huge applause from Western Australia 🙂

  149. I keep sharing this story and every time I do, I have visions of this adorably sweet children’s book with beautiful cartoon illustrations of your sweet Harper.