Stephanie Howell

I fought tears the entire time we stood on Omaha Beach. It was windy and gray…perfect really if you thank about it.

I wished it was sunny so that I could put on my big, dark sunglasses and hide the fact that my eyes just wouldn’t stop brimming with tears.

The girls seemed like they weren’t really listening to our tour guide, they made sandcastles and watched the water. They let us listen and think. The tour guide’s words washed over me like the waves on the shore.

 

More than 2500 Americans died here on D-Day.

10,000 Allied casualties on D-day.

The tide would wash the men’s bodies in and then wash them back out.

Many of these men never had any battle training at all.

 

And all of the hair on my arms stood on end. My heart broke a little bit.

It was a tricky situation- I wanted the girls to understand the importance of this place. The sacrifice that was made and the lives that were lost.

Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.

But I didn’t want to scare them too much….because, you see, their daddy goes away a lot to do scary things.

After we finished with the tour guide, we had a bit of free time to just walk and think.

The girls and I walked up the hill and looked out over the beach. They were uncharacteristically quiet and somber…they could feel the mood of the moment even if they didn’t know why.

I heard Sadie’s quiet voice say “Mama?”

“Yes?”

Pause

“All of these families? They were waiting for their daddies to come home just like we were.”

 

 

She got it. She put into words what I couldn’t quite express.

It was a moment I’ll never forget.

 

She…

1. Is officially NINE. Don’t even ask me how that happened. As of this Thursday, she’ll be a fourth grader. Oh my goodness!

 

2. Had her very first voice recital. She sang A Whole New World and crushed it. I cried, as always. I snapped the photo above right before she started singing. She had a brief moment of nervousness and then hit every note perfectly. What a girl. I enrolled her in a music/songwriting workshop in a few weeks and I am so excited to see how she likes it.

 

3. Always has her nose in a book. She devours every book she can get her hands on. A huge stack of books was her birthday present and she was in heaven. Right now the Smile series by Raina Telgemeier is her favorite.

 

4. Is NOT into fashion any more. Don’t you dare call her a fashionista! She does not like that. These days she’s all about sneakers and comfort. Knock me over with a feather!

 

5. Is much more preteen than little girl. I feel like a switch flipped at nine. She spends more time with friends, fights the eye roll, and doesn’t like to hold my hand as much as she did. At first this kind of hurt my feelings, but I know it’s part of life. She’s still sweet as pie.

 

She…

1. Just completed her tennis class and loved it. This summer she’s interested in tennis and volleyball. I love watching her find her niche. She’s super competitive and it’s good for her to learn how to play with other people, and how to lose with grace.

 

2. Is a big reader as well. She’s reading at an end of third grade level and tends to check out and pick books that are way above her level. Stubborn in every facet of life!

 

3. Has taken over the fashionista role from her sister. She LOVES dressing up and accessorizing. She usually lays out her outfits the night before. She wants so badly to wear lipstick and get her ears pierced (OMG).

 

4. Still comes into my bed to snuggle with me in the mornings and wants a selfie with me every single week when I volunteer in her class.

 

5. Is really in to Legos right now. She doesn’t ask for (or want) any help and the more complex the better. Not much holds her attention so I love that she’s become interested in building things!

 

 

She (aka Lucy on the left)…

1. Got a BIG haircut this summer. About 8 inches. She’d been asking me forever and I was so tired of the snarls and tangles every night and morning. So I gave in…and she looks SO cute.

 

2. Still takes her teddy bear (Cozy Baby) everywhere.

 

3. Corrects me on my Italian constantly. Pronunciation, word choice, you name it.

 

4. Sends Cate to me anytime she has a question. It’s actually really hilarious. She’s definitely the more dominant twin!

 

5. Looked at me the other day, sighed and said “Mommy, I LOVE snacks!” HAHAHA! So my child.

 

 

She (aka Cate on the left) …

1. Is the sweetest thing ever. She notices every single time I do my hair or put on makeup and always compliments me. “Mommy, you look so pretty!” “Mommy, I love your face!”

 

2. Doesn’t have a stuffed animal but loves her blanket (White Blankey) to pieces. God help us all if she can’t find it at bedtime.

 

3. Asks for “dream sprinkles” every night. This is when I pretend I’m tossing sprinkles on them and name happy things they can dream about. They yell ideas at me. Usually Cate yells PONIES! PRINCESSES! PUPPIES! JUMPY CASTLES! FRESH BEAT BAND!

 

4. Has to wear a headband Every.Single.Day.

 

5. Has a silly stretch she does for me every morning. It’s accompanied by an exxxxcellent face (very similar to her sour lemon face). She does it for me every day and stares at me until I laugh.

 

 

He…

 

1. Is gone more than he is here. But when he is here, he is such a wonderful daddy and husband. We are so proud of him.

 

2. Counted the other day and realized he has been to 20 countries in this part of the world. So crazy!

 

3. Always likes to give a life lesson when I ask questions. Like in the photo above. I asked a simple geography question and the laser pointer came out. BAHAHAHA!

 

4. Likes to “read” ten books at the same time. But he never finishes any of them.

 

5. Had two hour long massages in the span of 12 hours a couple of weekends ago. We had a babymoon getaway to a spa about 2 hours away. When he filled out the pre-massage forms they said “are you stressed?” He gave me a funny look and drew a big ole circle around “yes”. The next morning, 2 massages later, he was like a different man. His shoulders were several inches lower, I swear.

 

 

She…

1. Will be six months pregnant on Friday and she can’t believe it. Time flies when you are pregnant with your 5th!

 

2. Is in a blogging conundrum. She isn’t in the industry game anymore, she isn’t interested in monetizing, and she isn’t selling anything. Sometimes she isn’t sure where this leaves her. She feels self-indulgent babbling on to herself and about herself, but she does miss blogging terribly.

 

3. Has read 43 books so far this year.

 

4. Had to stop working out and seeing a trainer due to three separate occasions where she has had spotting and cramping due to lifting something (usually just groceries). She’s feeling frustrated and a bit defeated – this throws a BIG wrench into her “strong mom” plan – but she’s going to have to learn to ask for help.

 

5. Is 99 percent sure she’s having a girl, she just feels it.

 

 

 

xoxo

S

Happy Monday everyone! It’s gray, rainy, and cold here and I don’t have the energy to edit and upload the photos from the rest of our trip (soon!) so I thought I’d share a recent story that I love and treasure.

I keep meaning to share it here, so that I won’t ever forget it (this blog is my brain and I would forget everything if I didn’t type it here!) and I figured today would be a good time.

So I found out I was pregnant on Sadie’s 7th birthday. When I saw the word “incinta” on the stick a lot of thoughts went through my mind and not all of them were pretty. “OH MY GOODNESS, A SWEET BABY!” was countered with “You are too old.” “Who has FIVE kids?” and “Have you lost your MIND?” Yeah. The self-doubt reared it’s ugly head. Big time.

Moments after taking the test we had to run to base to pick up some antique Italian furniture that we had won in an auction the weekend before.

One of the pieces was a beautiful double hope chest. We hadn’t really looked at it or opened it, we just knew we had to have it for our family.

When we went to pick it up I was still pretty stunned. I think I was just walking around with big eyes and a smile plastered on my face.

My friend had us look it over and confirm that everything was okay and before she and Jimmy carried it to the car she opened it up to show us what was inside.

A handmade baby quilt. Made especially to go inside the chest.

I’m not even kidding.

I got goosebumps from head to toe and my eyes immediately filled with tears. Heart pounding, I looked at Jimmy and he had the biggest grin on his face. I felt the silent “We got this.” pass between us and my heart was calmed.

 

I call those moments nudges from God. That He is in charge, despite my best “I’m in charge!” moments with my lists and my neverending multitasking.

Reminders that He has bigger, better, scarier, and more beautiful plans for us than we EVER could have imagined for ourselves.

 

 

xoxo

S