Stephanie Howell

FIVE!!!

November 24, 2015

I can’t even believe I’m typing this, but Cate and Lucy are five today!

It’s no coincidence that these two are my “turkey” babies, my babies born Thanksgiving week. I am so so grateful for the joy and pure love that they have brought into our lives.

They are simply amazing.

They are funny and have us in giggles almost every day. They are full of whimsy…on any given day you might see them in cat ears or an Olaf costume. And Elsa and Anna…always Elsa and Anna.

They can speak Italian, though they won’t do it at home. They are excellent helpers and listeners, and super snuggly.

They are my heart.

They are pure, unadulterated joy. They are uncomplicated, no-strings-attached love. They are light and magic and laughter. They are hand holders, hug givers, and proof of God’s love.

Happy 5th Birthday, Cate and Lucy!

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Photos by Katie Currid

Déjà Vu

October 23, 2015

Hi everyone!! I’ve had this post on my mind (just like the post where I tell you about Cora’s birth story) for the past three weeks. And I figured it was time I took the time to type it out.

I’ve been a mom for almost ten years. And it’s funny. I think I had mommy amnesia for every stage.

Me before Cora:

Oh- I’ll be able to get through Cora’s birth without an epidural! (turned out being right on this one but it was a close call) It doesn’t hurt that much anyway (WRONG).

It’s not THAT difficult to have a newborn. It will be a piece of cake this time! (WRONG).

Oh, breastfeeding will be a SNAP with just one. I don’t need support. Or a pump. Or bottles or anything just in case. This will be a cinch! (WRONG!)

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

Wroooooooong.

Man, look at that sweet face. I love her SO much.

But let me tell you something. It doesn’t matter that this is my fifth time. This new mom stuff is HARD AS HELL.

Picture me with my head on my best friend’s shoulder (she’s an amazing pediatric nurse) crying my heart out because Cora LOST WEIGHT after me nursing her every hour for five days while I pumped on the other side and then fed her that.

I cried and cried and cried.

I felt like a failure. And it broke my heart. And it doesn’t matter that this isn’t my first rodeo and that I KNEW we would survive. It didn’t matter that I damn well know that I’m not a failure as a mom. And that my worth as a woman and a mother doesn’t depend on how successful I am at breastfeeding.

It hurt.

If you are reading this and you are struggling with sleepless nights and weigh ins and pressure from others, I want you to know this.

YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB. YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS. DON’T BE AFRAID TO ASK FOR HELP AND CRY IF YOU NEED TO AND ADMIT YOU ARE OVERWHELMED.

It is scary. And exhausting. And I feel lost every day.

And then it came back to me. Mommy déjà vu.

I have felt this way

every.

single.

time.

Every time I feel like I’m walking with a blindfold on.
Every time I am too hard on myself and every time I care too much what everyone else is doing and the path that everyone else is walking.

There’s a big difference between having a child now and what it was like when I had Harper.

There’s more information out there. Everyone is sharing their opinion and those opinions are right there all the time, thanks to social media. I feel like there is a lot more pressure now.

On the flip side- I am so much more relaxed as an “older mom”. I am able to just hold Cora and love her and enjoy it.

That doesn’t mean I’m not struggling and that it’s not hard for me.

If you are reading this and YOU are struggling…know that it doesn’t matter what anyone else is doing or saying or sharing their opinion about.

You do what works for YOU and YOUR family. That’s what being a good mother is all about. Being a good mother is not about being perfect or being successful at everything you try. Failure happens. Learn from it and be gentle with yourself.

I’m telling myself these words every day.

Being a good mother and a good woman does not hinge on

bottle or breast

home or work

epidural or no epidural

baby wearing or stroller

co-sleeping or bassinet

organic or not

It just doesn’t.

If you are reading this and you are in the thick of it…

I see you. You are a wonderful mom and this will pass.

And then you will be the one saying what a breeze it was (WRONG). And you will look at your beautiful, strong, smart, kind children and know all of this self-doubt and sleeplessness and uncertainty…

well it was all worth it.

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Meet Cora Jane ♡

October 2, 2015

Introducing Cora Jane Howell

Cora Jane Howell

Born September 30 at 12:25 pm

7 lbs 6 oz

Most hair we’ve ever seen on a baby girl- and we know baby girls with hair!

Sweet Cora came into this world quickly and loudly. 2 hours from the moment I walked in the hospital doors!

The moment they said the words “It’s a girl!” I just knew. I knew I was meant to do this. To raise strong, brave, compassionate, fierce little women. She is my joy and my heart and she was a missing puzzle piece that I didn’t even know I was missing.

We are complete.

Cora means “maiden” but for us it’s more of a nod to the Italian word ancora. Ancora means: again, more, another still. Encore. Cora is our little Italian encore. 5 little women.

And Jane means God’s gracious gift.

That she is.

We are in love.

Thanks for sharing in our joy and happiness. Thanks for loving our family. We are so grateful for each of you and your support and encouragement over the years.

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Still Waiting!

September 28, 2015

39 weeks and 3 days. Feeling really good (just tired and suddenly none of my clothes fit, haha!).

Lots of naps and enjoying the relative quiet.

Baby will come when baby is ready to come. I’m enjoying every moment and knowing that fat babies = happy babies. I’m more than happy to keep cooking this little one.

Love to you all!

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