Stephanie Howell

i got a big box this week from 2peas and i couldn’t wait to play. i did a quick, fun layout with my new goodies, and i thought i’d share it today.

patterned paper: American Crafts

gaffer’s tape: 7gypsies

alphabets: american crafts thickers (pink and black), k and company (tiny black/white)

butterflies: Jenni Bowlin

gold sequin dots: Prima

labels: twogirlzstuff

Love those photos of my crazy Sadie.And love all the new CHA stuff rolling in. It’s all so springy and fresh. And that’s my favorite kind of product. Bright and happy!

I wanted to tell you all thank you so much for all of your comments on my baby post yesterday. I read and cherished each and every comment. Thank you for sharing your experiences, advice, and emotions. it meant the world to me, to jimmy too. love you guys!

Have a wonderful day!

xoxo

s

Three years ago:

 

Two years ago:

 

 

One year ago:

 

Now:

 

edited to add: hats from heartsmiles

And we know we want more. Well, one more.

A boy? Maybe. Or maybe we are destined to a lifetime of tears, pink, tulle, theatrics, high heels, broken hearts, dancing, tea parties, emotions…and we are more than fine with that.

we love having little girls. part of me longs to be a mama to a boy. part of jimmy yearns to have a boy.

but if that isn’t what we are given, we will be just fine. we LOVE little girls.

so i’ve been thinking. and we’ve been talking. is it time?

sadie just turned two…we want to be young enough when they leave the house to be able to enjoy and explore, and have dates again….

we want them to be close in age.

but sadie has done me in. a tiny bit. i kind of feel like she needs to be ohhhh, 16 or so? before we have another. just kidding. kinda.

it’s a back and forth.

i love being able to give them the attention they so crave. i love feeling good. i’m not looking forward to the barfing. i am just NOW starting to really believe in myself as a mama. believe that i’m actually good at it (most days). able to have fun, laugh, not take everything so seriously. feeling good about myself, how clothes fit. we are sleeping at night (all of us!!). not locking myself in the bathroom with a glass of wine and crying. not saying NEVER, just not much. 😉

i know i…WE…want another baby with all of our hearts. i love being pregnant. i love being a mother. i love babies, children, i even love changing diapers. i love snuggles. and feeding my babies. and nurturing them. and teaching them how to be kind, and love the Lord. my children make me laugh. and cry. and praise the Lord.

will i ever be “ready”?

i certainly wasn’t ready when harper was 12 months old and we found out about sweet sadie bug.

but oh, what a wonderful maddening trip it’s been.

and i ‘m so glad she happened the way she did. b/c i very well may have never felt ready.

i might just have to jump in.

fingers crossed, praying, holding on…letting go

of my fears and worries. 

and trusting that my future is already chosen and designed. and handing over my anxieties.

and concentrating on being happy…and believing.

xoxo

a small addendum (if you will). i am super sensitive to all of my beautiful, amazing friends who have fertility struggles. i would never want to seem callous or insensitive to their problems at all. i always measure my words very carefully when i’m speaking about motherhood, pregnancy, etc. on this blog. b/c the last thing i would ever intend would be to hurt feelings. regardless, this is a struggle i’m having right now.

i am soooo aware of the fact that it’s a blessing to have ANY children. let alone to debate whether to have more than we have already been blessed with. i know i’m lucky to have a choice, but i still want to be responsible with that choice. i think a lot of it has to do with what J does, how often he is gone, the fears i have for his safety and how i feel like his mortality is SO fragile sometimes.

and i wanted to share my thoughts. i hope you will take them as they are intended…honest thoughts.

love you all.

there’s something so sweet about watching pure joy on the face of your child.

example a (at breakfast):

 

i mean, how could she not be excited with a breakfast like that? let’s just say i saw the effects of said breakfast while we were grocery shopping.

cause=birthday breakfast effect=gyrating on the floor and running in circles whilst quacking like a duck.

but hey, it was her birthday. not the day to deny a girl sugar.

 

example b: dinner

 

 

 

 

that last one kills me. look at her little eyes.

i have to say, it’s days like yesterday that give ME pure joy. i’m so happy j is home for milestones like these this year.

it’s just so nice having him in our everyday lives. the newness of it still hasn’t worn off. sometimes i walk into scenes like the one below, and it just makes me teary.

 

and right at that moment (well, right before this moment), i closed my eyes and said a silent prayer. it only had two words…

thank you.

i hope you have a sweet moment in your day today.

xoxo

s

in the 2 years since you came along,

i’m 2 times as tired

life’s 2 times as wild

2 times as loud

as it was before.

my heart is 2 times bigger

i feel 2 times more vulnerable

more scared

more happy

more complete.

sometimes it feels like it’s you and me kid…we have a special bond.

no matter how fiercely independent you may be, there’s nowhere you’d rather be than in my arms. that half drives me crazy and half makes my heart sing.

you came into this world in one push.

sounded like a champagne cork popping.

and that was weird. and wonderful. and turns out…so YOU.

daddy wasn’t there. i held you and cried. and you looked at me with those beautiful eyes and cried, and the cleft in your chin was his. and i fell in love with you.

each day i’m learning with you.

you’re wild.

my little sadie bug

monkey

wild child.

i love you with all of my heart.

happy 2nd birthday, baby!

hey guys- just a SUPER quick post w/ something i forgot to mention the other day.

you may remember that we went to NYC back in october and on our trip happened to get a chance to meet the NBC gang that covered the Viper Company story during jimmy’s deployment

everybody was beyond nice. but the biggest surprise? brian williams.

he was down to earth, kind, and there were NO walls around him  like you expect with a “famous person”. he was just lovely. with us AND the girls. he told me all about his children and what they were doing..and asked about us. and really listened.

and the whole team was like that. they have our christmas card framed on the desk there.

genuine…nice people, you know?

regardless of political affiliations or opinions it’s possible to be friends. to carry on an intelligent discussion.  and some people don’t seem to understand that. but it’s true.

so anyway, brian did a fantastic blog the other night on the topic of obituaries, how he writes them, and his belief in respecting those who have passed.

i left a comment, i was compelled to do so. mind you i’ve NEVER done so before and i did not in any way, shape or form expect a response. i just felt like saying something.

 

Brian-
I knew you were a good egg before I met you. You and your team covered Viper Company with such thoughtfulness and compassion. The time my family spent with you confirmed this. This blog entry doubly confirms my feelings. Thanks for your sincerity, kindness, and integrity.
stephanie howell

Then I went about my merry way and a day or so later i got an email from ML Flynn, a producer at NBC who has become a friend…and she sent me a link.

 

and then? i peed my pants. not really, but i freaked. and then i calmed down and realized “Hey! maybe this kindness stuff really does work!” even with someone like him- it doesn’t go unnoticed. glad i made that choice. and glad that i’m sticking to it.

brief sidenote- i never handed him a picture of j, not sure what that’s all about?!?!!?!?!? myyyystery.

alright. random post over.

thanks for your sweet words on the post below. a friend told me that the wife always out-ranks the husband b/c of all the hard work they do at home,

so i’m signing this

LTC Howell heeeeee

xxoox