Stephanie Howell

so, looking back, it appears i unintentionally skipped a  month. oops! sorry y'all…i guess life got in the way. 🙂

a reminder- blog your heart is whatever you want it to be (silly,humorous,dark,sarcastic,angry,happy)…as long as it's authentic. no trying to look perfect, no saying what you think others want to hear.

no judging.

so, in no particular order, here's my heart this month.

1. i'm worried a little bit about our time in rhode island. i've never spent a year with jimmy home every day. i'm worried i'll learn to depend on him too much. i'm worried i'll resent him and the army when we have to go back to the real world. i'm worried i won't be as good of a parent with him to depend on.

2. i need to work on my scrapbooking. i read kelly purkey's blog post this morning and part of it spoke to me. i'm tired of feeling like scrapbooking is my job. guess what? it's NOT. it neither qualifies as a full time or part time job.

it's a hobby. i have loved it for seven years and lately it's lost its luster. time to play again. time to get passionate again. time to stop caring if i'm doing what i'm supposed to be doing. time to get back to me. i am going to make things i'm proud of again. learn some techniques. put my heart back into my pages. i want to make things i'll treasure, not things i'm getting done just to get them done.

conversly, i do the design teams to share what i LOVE and to inspire. it might not be a full time or part time job but it IS my job to inspire. it's not happening lately. i am going to work on it. try harder. work harder. this year i will get back to loving (and having FUN) creating.

3.i am done having babies. this both terrifies and exhilarates me. last night we sat next to a family with four children (probably 9 to 16 or so). they were having a family dinner. with conversation. and laughter. no crayons or potty breaks. i am ready to grow together. i am ready for new stages. but i will miss babies so much…in such an intense way. i can't even type it out here or do that feeling justice so i won't try.

4.i need to get back to the gym. and back to taking care of myself. there. i said it.

5.i am so in love with my husband. more so every day. some days we irritate each other. some days we barely see each other except in passing and some days that's okay b/c i need to be independent. but i love him so much it makes my heart hurt. he is every bit the man i dreamed i'd marry one day (but never dared to think such a guy was real). he's brave and handsome. flawed but he is perfect to me.

6.i am ready for the girls to go back to school this week. i love them so much and love having them home, but i think we are all sick of one another. HA! sadie and harper are fighting so much. we need a break. when we have a break a few hours a day, it makes our time together so much sweeter.

7.i am content. but at the same time there is much i want to learn, see, and do this year. i want to take better care of myself. make more of an effort with the way i look. make more of an effort with my heart, with my spiritual growth. but with every passing year, i feel more of a peace in my heart. more of a stilness. more of a "this is me" and "this is where i'm supposed to be".

there's more i could say…always more. 🙂 but i think i'll stop there.

if you blog your heart, please link me. feel free to use my icon and link back. 🙂 i have read and commented on each and every post every month i do this. and i always will.

love to you all, and happy 2012~ xoxo