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Stephanie Howell

reading, organizing, shopping, momming too close to the sun. Home is wherever the Army sends us.

On Learning a New Language.

 

It is hard. Harder than anything I’ve done in a really long time. I leave Italian class each day with a tension headache.

I have a theory that I’ve gotten dumber with each child I’ve given birth to. And the twins were a double whammy.

Italian class proves that theory.

I have a hard enough time with English. Truly. Sometimes I start a sentence and can’t think of the word to complete it. So one of my children fills in the blanks. Often it’s my three year olds.

So mastering a new language…yeah. It’s tough.

I mess up a LOT. The other night I was out with friends for dinner. I wanted exactly what my friend ordered and so I told the waiter

“also to you.”

What I meant to say was “me too”. Yeah. You should have seen his face.

But here’s the deal…I’m trying.

I’m putting myself out there. I am constantly putting myself in situations where I’m surrounded by Italian. I refuse to order meals in English. I have made friends with Italians and I’m perpetually learning, messing up, and asking endless questions.

You want to know something sad? I see a lot of not trying.

Many people just expect Italians to speak English. And I’ve seen frustration that they don’t. Complaints. WHAT? IT’S ITALY! Learn the language.

You know what I overheard the other day?

“I’m not here to learn the customs and language. I’m here because I have to be.”

Um. Ew? Wonder where the phrase ugly American comes from? Not okay.

I might butcher Italian, but I’m trying dammit!!! And I’ve noticed that if you try, people are nice for the most part.

I also smile a LOT. A big, manic, frozen my-brain-does-not-compute-what-you-are-saying panicked smile.

My favorite phrase?

Sono sempre confusa. I am always confused.

But my hope is that in the next 2 1/2 years I will become less and less confused.

I want to leave knowing some Italian. I want to leave just a little confused. I want to leave saying Sono un po’ confusa.

I was not prepared for how terrifying it is to not be able to speak the common language. I wasn’t prepared for how helpless and overwhelmed I felt when we moved here.

Have you ever tried to order a standing rib roast in another language? Using weird facial expressions, hand motions (pointing to YOUR ribs), and Google Translate? Yeah. Not so easy.

So bit by bit, little by little, SO SLOWLY and kind of surely…I’m learning.

Mi chiamo Stephanie.

Sono Americana.

Sono in Italia da sette mesi.

Abito a Vicenza.

Sono sposata, mio marito è Jimmy.

Ho quattro figlie…Harper ha sette anni, Sadie sei. Caterina e Lucia sono gemelle e hanno tre anni.

SONO SEMPRE CONFUSA.

 

xoxo

Comments

  1. bravo to you. i think its wonderful that you are actively trying to learn italian. wait until you get as old as me, then you’ll realize how nimble your brain was at this age.
    Sono orgoglioso di voi
    bev xx

  3. so proud of you!! you’ll get it! it sounds like you are doing really well!! especially considering you just started classes!! 🙂 i was there for 6 months and by the end i could hold my own….or at least understand most of what everyone was saying and be able to say a few things back. ;)im SO EXCITED FOR YOU!!!!

  4. ok, just re-read that. it sounds a little snooty. TOTALLY did NOT mean it that way. you are fabulous!!!!! 😉

  5. I love your attitude! I teach English as a second language and I know how frustrating it can be for adults to learn a new language. But stick to it, and you’ll be just fine.

  6. you made me LAUGH OUT LOUD, seriously, I love you.
    and ick is right, there “cause they have to be” that’s a stinky
    a** spoiled rotten mentality/attitude that terms us SPOILED jerks!
    I love that you are trying, and showing your girls that TRYING is the best thing to do. I love your attitude. xoxo
    tara

  7. I LOVE this and wholeheartedly agree!!! I butcher my French in France but they definitely appreciate that you are trying – and what a WONDERFUL example You are to your girls – you go girl or as translated by google “andate ragazza!”

  8. Holy Crap! I could guess at what the bottom phrases were, but in reality I am pretty confused about the actual translation. I think the fact that you are trying and owning your difficulties is wonderful. It shows your humbleness and your willingness to try. As a teacher, I always love the kid who owns it and tries even when the subject is not their favorite or the easiest for them. I am always frustrated with the kids who are capable and refuse to try. You are setting quite a wonderful example for your kiddos, such a great legacy to pass on. Try, try, and try again, own the mistakes & the successes, because you learn from both!

  9. You are doing a great job representing Americans and military spouses. We forget sometimes that people are watching and listening. Effort goes a long way, so does a fill-your-face kind of smile. Be encouraged and think how far you’ve already come in learning the language and customs. Thanks for sharing the ups and downs of your experience with us.

  11. Learning a language as an adult is so hard, but you are doing it right- keep putting yourself in situations where you have to try and you’ll get there! Plus, you’re teaching your girls to keep trying and trying even if something is tough! Go you!

  12. Kudos to you for making the effort! It sounds like you’re coming along – it may not be as quickly as you like, but obviously the locals appreciate it…I know you’ll appreciate it in a bit when you can communicate so much better. 😉 And since we all know children are sponges, especially with language – are your girls picking up the language well?
    Love to read about your experiences and your family! Thank you!

  13. So, so true about trying to speak the language! I learned a few phrases in French for a trip to Paris. (Like “how much is this?”) When they realized I spoke very little French, they were more than happy to speak English with me. I had a wonderful time! It was, however, terrifying to get off the airplane and realize that nothing was in English! I just followed a group of people thinking they were going to get their luggage, and actually cleared customs before I realized what was going on!

  14. Brava Stephanie! I really admire your guts! I have always had an ear for languages and a crazy obsession with grammar, but I have been terrified to put myself out there and potentially look stupid or not be able to communicate. The result? I have a BA in French but can’t even talk about the weather or order lunch! It may not feel like it, but I believe your skill set puts you at an advantage and I really admire how much you are making of this unique and wonderful opportunity! Keep it up – and I agree that the more you try – even if you fail miserably – the more you are respected by the native speakers.

  15. Learning a Language is so good, i really don’t understand who don’t even try. So, don’t be sad if sometimes is hard, it will be worth. I’m a Brazilian girl and I had live on USA for one year and it was so scary. I remember once I was cleaning my room with the TV on not paying so much attention, but listening Friends – and on a moment I laugh with a joke. It was so good for me that I could automattically understand a joke.
    I would love to learn Italian, it can be hard for who don’t know Latin language (and all the verb conjugation), but sound so beautiful. So, study and don’t give up, Stephanie. You can! 🙂

  16. Good for you Stephanie! When I lived in Germany we lived off base and since I was home all day without a car I learned enough German to shop in our village, pay the phone bill at the post office and order food at the Gasthaus. I’m sure the locals appreciate your effort!
    I never understood the mentality of those who would never venture off base for anything! I wouldn’t trade my time in Europe for anything we had the best
    adventures there. Enjoy every minute and don’t worry you will get the hang of
    the language soon enough.

  18. You’re an absolute star Stephanie for giving it all you’ve got. The way you live your life is a constant inspiration. I know you will learn so much Italian in the time you are there. I think your learning will get faster as you understand more and more as well. I am so enjoying your Italian posts, thank you. CJ xx

  19. Great work!!! You have made only 2 mistakes, it’s correct miO marito, your husband is male, and quatTro and not quatro, there are two T.
    But you are making a great work!!!!
    I’m sorry about my mistakes in english text!!!

  20. grande Stephanie..you rock!
    anyway I was wondering if the twins begin to speak a bit of Italian as they go to an italian kindergarten..?

  22. Keep on trying. It’s amazing how one day it just kind of “clicks”. I bought tapes and books to learn Korean when I lived there and listened to a lot of the pop music, watched their shows on TV, and asked TONS of questions all in the hopes of getting an ear for the language. I spent 3 years there and by the end of it all could hold entire conversations with people out in the farm country where there was no English to be found (and apparently had mastered the accent and phrasing of the region I lived in because the Koreans I came across always asked me if I lived in a certain province – that always blew me away!).
    Yes, locals always appreciate that you try. They will also be helpful with your questions if they see how hard you are trying to master their language. I, too, ran into people who would say, “If they want to talk to me, they can learn English” and my thought was ‘seriously? we’re in THEIR country’. Learning the language will open so many great experiences for you and your family. You can get the nuances of the people in different regions when you don’t have that language barrier and you can definitely capitalize on experiences that are off the beaten path. You will appreciate all your efforts as time passes – I guarantee it! 🙂

  23. Aaaah you totally hit the nail on the head for me! I am living here in Italy with my family as well for my husband’s job. We are in the Reggio Emilia area. My kids are 4 and 1. Sono sempre confusa. I am losing my mind! I love trying to learn the new language, and it is so beautiful, but it is also frustrating. Where we are there are no Expat groups (sigh) so I have no choice but to learn if I want to make any friends! Haha. Don’t you LOVE the little victories though? Like when you walk into a store and they say something and you TOTALLY know what they are SAYING? I had that today when I was trying to sign my son up for swim lessons. I was so proud of myself even though I knew only about 30 percent of what she was saying. We have been here for a few weeks now and I can see myself learning a few new phrases each day. How great that you get to take classes!!!! Best of luck with it, I will be going through the same thing over here so you ARE NOT alone! 🙂

  24. Good for you! I think it’s great to learn the language of the country you are living in. And you are only their for a few years, and are still learning the language. You should be very proud of yourself! My oldest two (14 and 16) think the US should teach foreign languages in 1st grade because it’s easier to learn it then. They have friends their age from other countries that speak 3 languages! And at our school, my kids didn’t start learning French until they were 12 yrs. old. Enjoy your classes and be proud of yourself!

  25. It really is a helpless feeling when you are in a country where you do not speak the language. Good for you for trying. I do think that learning languages requires a certain part of our brain to be used. The same part that “gets” higher math concepts. I was never able to learn another language (except Latin).
    I have an American friend who lives in Paris…..I cannot tell you how many different kinds of French classes she has taken over the last ten years (yes, she is there for life!) and it is still difficult for her. She has had group classes, private lessons, the ones on tape, and immersion experience for 3 weeks…you name it, she has done it. She will never be fluent and she admits this. But she can get along.
    Good luck — but don’t beat yourself up about this.
    J

  26. I forgot to mention that my friend’s husband is French and so are most of their friends and all of his large family. She has renovated two apartments in Paris with her limited French and also built a home in Provence and another at a beach. So she does get along.

  27. You are so funny Stephanie!
    Your Italian is better than my English and you will speak Italian fluently don’t worry!
    You’ll practice with our language fast as you imagine and later you would like to learn to speak French or Spanish or any other Europen language!
    You are a good student! 😉

  29. I love your desire to want to learn. I took French in high school and college and speak spanish. But when my husband and i went to Paris I was too embarrassed to speak to anyone in French. My husband – who knew nothing – made more of an attempt than I did. I regret that I didn’t let go of my insecurities. It’s true, they appreciate if you try.
    Keep going. And immerse yourself as much as you can. I think you’ll be surprised at how much of it will stick.

  30. Totally understand. And I admire you for admitting being overwhelmed and believing that one should at least try. I think there is a middle ground. Somewhere between trying and realizing you do not have to do this. And I say this because learning a language (I have a son getting a major in language and has been working on two or three over the years) is more of a life long process. AND I lost a lot of sleep when my kids were young and there is medical proof that lack of sleep and STRESS (sound familiar?) obliterates the memory process. Again, there is medical proof. So, I would say your expectations are unrealistic. But admirable. My biggest problem overseas was culture shock, defined here by you as not being able to navigate due to lack of language for the benefit of your children. This is normal I would say and I was certainly expecting it in your situation. However, I assumed you would be in an American enclave of sorts, which the average tourist would not have. My son (living overseas for degree requirements) simply reverted to English in the most trying moments and accepted it. And used Google translator a lot. His ability at German is pretty good now, after 10 years of study. So, deep breaths.

  31. Hey there. 🙂
    I have to respectfully disagree! My goal is to leave knowing a “little Italian”. Today I had a lovely conversation with a little old lady at the girls bus stop. She spoke zero English. And I understood most of what she said and was able to converse. So I don’t think my expectations are unrealistic. I don’t think I’ll be fluent or anything. 🙂

  36. I don’t think I have ever posted to your comments before but I’ve been a reader for years and I just wanted to let you know how much I am enjoying your posts from Italy. Your blog has always been fun to follow but what an awesome opportunity for you and your beautiful family. Your honest and positive outlook on everything is very refreshing. Thanks for letting some of us Americans who will probably never get to ever set foot in beautiful Italy catch a glimpse of your amazing adventure.

  37. It’s awesome that you are trying! We spent 4 years in Germany and struggled even though we used Rosetta Stone and some basic books. German is hard! We always ordered food in German and used our common courtesies while out but we found that once we butchered it enough people switched to English because it was practice for them. We also struggled while traveling within Germany since there are many different dialects and the people from Berlin pronounce things slightly different than the German we spoke in Bavaria. I often told my husband that being stationed in Italy would have been easier since there are some similiarities to Spanish and we both have a good understanding of that.
    Good luck reaching your goal!

  38. How do you say “Bloom where you’re planted” in Italian? You are so good at that, Steph. I know it’s a mindset, but it seems to be something that most people either can’t or don’t care to do. I cannot imagine having the “I have to be here” attitude in Italy of all places!
    I know your girls follow your lead. How awesome that they have a mama who is giving them a great example of making the most of every oppurtunity, even if it means admitting you’re a little (or a lot) confused.

  39. I’m so PROUD of you for trying. Truly. I LOVE learning languages. That makes it sound like I speak a bunch, and I don.t I know two languages, but whenever I go to a new country I try to pick up at least a few basic phrases because you’re so right. It makes people feel pleasant toward you when you try. It is basic respect.
    And I feel you on the difficulty. When I went to Ukraine in college, the couple I lived with gave me one week to acclimate, then it was all Russian all the time. I’ll never forget the terror I felt the day Serbei tokok me into astore and told me to buy all our ingredients for that nights dinner. I still feel the fear just thinking about it. You’re doing great!

  40. You are doing better than you think! You are teaching us too. I speak English and Spanish but I was able to understand what you wrote at the end. So if we are understanding you and do not speak the language I know they are getting you.

  41. This is so inspiring. I love that you are taking in this Italy experience as much as you possibly can. I feel I would do the same, totally immerse myself. Why not?! I mean, it’s ITALY!! Also, I don’t know from experience but I have heard that when you are learning a new language in a foreign country one day it just *clicks*… and you know this really happens when you have your first dream in that language. Kinda cool. Sweet dreams!

  42. LOVE your posts!! Celebrating the language victories with you! I took Spanish in high school and didn’t use it when I had the chance…foolish!! 🙁 Enjoy hearing how things are going. Living vicariously through you!! Don’t think I’ll make it to Europe any time soon. Have FUN!!

  43. Ciao Stephanie!
    I can understand reading your italiano biography! I started teaching myself Italian 4 years ago and finally took class the past two years and yes, i am terrified of speaking! My situation is awkward…I am profoundly deaf and I am in college to be an English as a second language teacher for the deaf, more specially teaching in Italy to the deaf students. I am still struggling to understand and improving my memory ( i got 5 kids! plus I am an old lady!). The first 3 semesters I couldn’t speak (requirement for grade, ugh!) and right now I am in 4th semester with a different teacher. Yesterday, as I was walking across campus, I ran into my italian professor. I just said “Ciao, come stai?” I actually heard him saying “bene”! Well, as you know that I am deaf and cant speak or hear Italiano, I was just thrilled that I said it and heard his reply.So, that’s progress! Ha! I spent 5 weeks in Siena last summer for school. I learned Italian sign language and it was absolute heaven! I have a blog about my summer school. I want to return back ti Italy! You can do this!

  44. Ha! I have to laugh because I KNOW how hard it is for you not to be able to talk 🙂 You’re amazing, and you’re doing great!! I’m pretty sure your big smile and laugh will more than make up for not knowing a word or two, and you’ll be an Italian-speaking genius by the time you leave.

  45. ROCKSTAR for the effort. Seriously. I took french all through school then tried to take it 10 years later in college. EPIC FAIL. but whenever i try and speak french and make the effort people appreciate it so so much.

  47. Kudos to you for attempting to learn and to soak up the culture. I always get a tension headache when I speak French a lot! But I keep working at it. I think my finest moment was after shopping in Eze, and conducting the entire transaction in French, the shopkeeper asked me (in English) where I was from and when I told him the United States, he responded “Your accent, it is not bad”. I work hard to pronounce things the correct way so to have a native speaker acknowledge that I sounded OK put a huge smile on my face.

  48. You know what, I have never seen anyone ridicule someone for trying to learn the language when I lived in Turkey but I did see the disappointment of the locals when long stay visitors didn’t even try. As you have pointed out, with a smile and a little effort I think barriers come down. I think it is great that you are trying to learn Italian while you are out there. I know how hard it is, and boy did I get frustrated with myself sometimes but I also found out that it was worth the effort. Looking forward to hearing more of your adventures!

  49. You don’t know me but I want to hug the hell out of you. 🙂 My parents are Italian immigrants and although I was born in the US, I didn’t learn to speak English until I was 4. My world consisted of my parents and my relatives–all of whom only spoke Italian. Now, decades later, the only Italian I speak is butchered and, honestly, I only speak it now so my 4 kids don’t know what I’m saying. (Once they learned to spell, I was screwed. 🙂 ) Anyway– I’m pretty certain if you and I were dining at a restaurant, you would be understood much more quickly than I ever would. You’re doing a wonderful job. You really, really are. Brava, Stephanie, brava!

  50. Ho inziati le lezione d’italiano due anni fa perche ho organizzato una vacanza a Italia l’anno scorso. Quando era li, ho provato a dire ma ha avutto difficulta con il vocabulario e la comprensione. Anche frequento una classe una volta alla settimana ma è molto difficulta. Spero che io possa a Italia.
    Brava! Continua cosi.