Guys. I’m doing that thing again.
The thing where I look at Instagram and feel like a disaster.
You know what I mean. I see the flawless white homes, perfectly wavy Victoria’s Secret hair, and the sun flare.
I see the painted toes and the glossy lips and the perfectly accessorized children.
And I start to feel less than.
WHAT IS THAT ALL ABOUT ANYWAY?
I am 40 freaking years old. I’m not an insecure teenager. But man…she’s still in there and she still comes out. Nothing can lure her like a perfectly applied IG filter.
So let’s talk. Friend to friend.
This morning I stuck my hand deep into a poopy diaper. DEEP. Like two knuckles deep.
I spilled an entire container of salsa fresca on the kitchen floor. There were chunks ON THE CEILING.
I drove the girls to school in the shirt I slept in and no shoes.
I’m battling Cora over the binkie, Harper over social media, and myself over getting ready to move to Alaska.
I don’t like pumpkin spice lattes.
I’m not wearing makeup. I actually don’t wear makeup unless it’s a special occasion.
My hair is in a ponytail, as always, and I still have thinning spots and gaps.
I’m on my last day of prednisone and I am a speed-talking, speed-cleaning mess.
Cora watches Elmo on a YouTube loop sometimes. I don’t feel bad about this.
I have a load of clothes in the washer that I’ve restarted THREE times.
Harper referred to wings as “bird arms” this weekend. This concerns me.
I just lost a job I really loved and I’m having to make some changes and moves to replace the income. I needed the money- Northern VA with five kids is no joke.
I’m working hard to make my Thirty-One business succeed but I refuse to be agressive, insincere, pushy, or make people uncomfortable.
When Jimmy was out of town this weekend I made the deployment special. This is pasta. With butter. And chunks of ham. The lunch meat kind. We also ate “sister soup”. That’s ice cream with marshmallows, chocolate chips, sprinkles, and candy corn on top. And then I let them zap it in the microwave. And slurp it down.
I wear yoga pants every day. I have no fancy skin care regimen and I don’t get manicures.
I tried to take a fall picture this weekend and Cora ripped up my mums in the process.
I haven’t been to the gym in three weeks. Last time I went I ended up hiding and reading instead of going to class.
Does any of this make me better or worse than my beautiful IG friends? NO. No it doesn’t. I’m assuming that they aren’t that different from me. I bet they are hot messes too. It’s just hard to remember that when facing the perfect beauty. Many of those accounts are brands. I’m not a brand. Or if I am…it’s a unique brand. HA!
Does any of this have any bearing on my worth as a woman or a mother or a human? NO.
I also choose the pretty parts to show. That’s what we do, right?
No. I don’t want to see the proverbial poop or salsa or arguments on IG. But let’s talk about it more!
Never compare your insides to someone else’s outsides.
So, tell me. How are YOU today? How are you truly? What are your struggles and insecurities and hidden disasters?
I’m not the only one…right?
xoxo
S
Definitely feeling Hot Mess Express with you sister! At the risk of TMI, I have a UTI on the way, no doctor in Texas, still have boxes, my main office/craft room is packed to the ceiling in boxes still with nothing to put the stuff in/on., my foster kid decided she wanted to upgrade her phone this weekend, so she went to the Verizon store with her mom (who she is NOT supposed to be driving with) and upgraded to an iphone 7 and then called me for $150. Now she’s not calling me back and I’m ready to just sign out on her and cancel her phone altogether and take a $500 hit. My bf is in NY trying to close on his house and get it packed and rented, while I’m here trying to buy a house that I’m not sure I have enough downpayment for…Phew! That felt good! Thanks for letting me verbalize all of my “hotmessness” this a.m. Hang in there Steph, I’m sure your kids are happy and that’s all that matters, whether they are fed something really healthy or just have bellies full, find some time to just do something for YOU today! Signed a sister who understands…!
I’m at a different stage of parenting then you are w/ my girls. But my hot mess is that my youngest left for college 4 weeks ago. I had all these plans of Home, craft & fitness projects that I would accomplish with all my free time. I’ve done some, but mostly I’m just floundering around getting no where. I’m kind of lost in this new parenting role.
But I will get thru it & so will you! Your kids are well loved & cared for. That’s what matters. Sometimes kids that grow up in a perfect world don’t learn any coping skills. Life is not perfect.
Hang in there & be kind to yourself.! Your life looks pretty wonderful on this side of IG. Be proud! 🙂
Rebecca I was there just 6 years ago. Baby went to college, the other 3 were still in college–all different colleges I might add. What did I do, decide it was time to organize all the photos. There I sat in my scrap room, sobbing, looking at pictures of my babies. Those babies were having the time of their lives in college and I was a sad sap crying in the scraproom. So, we went to Parents Day and had fun, took pics, went to the football game, and sort of relived our college days but got to go home to a quiet house. I am still working so I really haven’t started any large projects but that is on the plan soon. My motto has always been to love every stage the kids are in–even the terrible twos and the terrible teens. They don’t last long and we all get through it.
Carol and Rebecca, I can SO RELATE!!! We get theough it – and wonder HOW on earth we did, but yay us!!! We can do big things! Stephanie, you are such a refreshing change from the pristine white homes/life/kids we all see portrayed. Your family is beautiful and REAL, and we can all relate – to the good and the bad.
Rebecca and Carol, every once in a while I’m a sobbing mess and my oldest hasn’t even left yet. He’s a senior….and it’s going too fast…
I feel like all I do is clean up after the family all day everyday. Seriously I feel like cleaning is all I do! All I wear is Capri sweats or gym shorts and a v-neck t-shirt. That’s all I wear everyday and I even go out to the grocery store and it. We own a house a half mile away from our current house and we are trying to sell it. And that house seems to take up all my time doing yard work and watering. We live in Pittsburgh where we get rain all the time. But the six weeks we have been getting the house ready and the yard ready we’ve only had 6 total hours of rain.So I was watering today and i had my yardwork outfit on. I stopped at the grocery store on the way home. I couldn’t even be bothered with going home to change first. On the other hand when I was in high school, college and Law School I never left the house without perfectly curled hair and makeup and did my nails every week. I don’t get manicures either. Can’t afford it. I don’t even do my nails at home regularly anymore my nails are always chipped. So don’t feel bad! I feel like I could have almost written your post!
Oh girl. You’re so not alone. Mom of 3 boys here and I homeschool. I snoozed my alarm one too many times. Didn’t shower. Am in the comfiest clothes I can find. Know that I desperately need a work out routine but I’m resigned to my fluffiness. Just did the dishes from the past two days and left some stuff to “soak”. My house looks like a cyclone hit it. I’d much rather hide and read then go start school with my boys.
Feel better yet?
I’m a 69 year old grandmother with some of those same issues plus some of my own: I’m wearing glasses instead of contacts, I’m fluffy and need to get this poundage off, I’m retired and my house is a dusty mess today, and I’m still in my gown at 9:15! Don’t beat yourself up! You are an amazing mom for even inventing sister soup! You are still making fabulous memories with your tribe! Can’t you just see in the future when they are talking about the fun times. Give yourself time to enjoy all those memory making moments (sketchy or not)!
I’m there with you!! It’s 9 am and I’m still in my jammies…retired a year ago…the last grandkid started kindergarten this fall…I am sorta lost!! I have to get 20 lbs off I gained last winter…and here it is almost THIS winter…I wish I could tell those young moms that someday THEY WILL MISS THEIR HOT MESSES!!! EMBRACE THEM NOW!!
It is no different when you work and your kids are grown. Today I have a huge meeting to prepare for this week. But after work, have a church service, a church meeting and a bible study, and finally a weekly prayer time (the bible study and the extra meeting threw this Monday into crazy land). BTW-we are supposed to bring snack to share at church meeting, I am not bringing anything and I will get the judgment somewhere until I say I was just too busy today. Tues/Wed are busy at work days with the head honchos in town. Thurs a different all day meeting at work with a different boss, then drive 4 hours to a conference for Friday work. After conference on Friday, meet with venue on daughters winter wedding and drive another 5 hours to attend family wedding shower on Sunday. Drive 7 hours home and rest to start all again next Monday. My advice is hugs those kids and wear those yoga pants with pride!!
No one has perfect Instagram lives. Those lives are not real. You are keeping a household moving forward, keeping five children fed and dressed and getting them to school, and reading books and memory keeping. You took the time on your own birthday to raise money for other people who were in need. All of that totally trumps makeup and putting on different clothes to drive the kids to school. Let’s see. I seriously didn’t lift a finger to do ANY housework over the weekend. Well, I did a load of laundry and bought groceries — does that count? The whole house is cluttered and in need of a good cleaning. But when the weekend comes I just want to sleep and read and hang out with my family. I lost thirty pounds a few years ago to get down to a healthy weight and I’ve gained almost all of it back. That’s kind of depressing. I’m trying to get myself motivated to do what I need to do, but I’m not feeling it right now. Hoping Monday improves for you, beautiful.
Over the years of reading your blog the one thing I can say about you is that you are authentic. That’s worth so much more than all the fake staged social media “influencers”. Your stories uplift, encourage, inspire and give a laugh that may include a snort or two. Don’t change a thing. You’re one in a million
I would read your stuff over Instagram and FB fake perfection ANY DAY and twice on Sundays. I love your real-ness!!
“I am 40 freaking years old. I’m not an insecure teenager. But man…she’s still in there and she still comes out. ” Save for the fact that I’m 39….YES.
This whole post made my heart hurt something fierce. For you, for me, for women everywhere who are just trying to get by without sun flares and PSLs by the pumpkin patch.
I’ve been reading your blog forever and even though i’m only the mother of one sassy 9yo dragon, you literally speak my language every day. All the truth and ugly parts included. Thank you for being genuine and for being you, Stephanie.
OH yes, right there. IG shows my beautiful daughter with her champion riding ribbons. It does not show the argument with my husband or general tension that morning as we forgot to bring a check book to pay for said riding show, resulting in panicked calls to his parents. It doesn’t show the 10 yo stomping off because I insisted he put yogurt at a level in the fridge where all of his siblings can also reach it. It doesn’t show me trying to figure out pick-up and drop off for my kids so I can be gone for 2 days to a girls weekend that is maybe 7 years in the making. I too feel like we’re constantly cleaning up, constantly discussing logistics, constantly trying to keep the kids (and ourselves) moving… oh, and just for fun we got a rather large puppy a moth or so ago, which means extra crazy. This are, in many moments, as beautiful as those horse-show ribbons, but yeah, in the background somewhere I’m pondering how we afford horse shows with three kids and so many competing expenses. I telecommute so I do have on make up and dress clothes from the waist up because video calls happen at random, but my hair is rarely done and I’m pretty much never wearing shoes. My husband is doing 3 people’s jobs at work for the pay of one Oklahoma teacher. There is a lot. But I am strong, and you are strong, and we are stronger. It is tough, messy, and imperfect, but it is our own unique space and sometimes there are magic moments and riding ribbons before we head back to trying to eat healthy food (total fail this weekend) and exercise (is yoga enough? I did do some yoga). Big hugs to you and keeping it real.
Thanks for sharing such a personal post! Never forget you’re amazing! Your girls are gorgeous and you’re doing a simply stellar job!
By coincidence, I wrote a blog post just last week about comparisons (you can read it here: https://suburbansahm.blogspot.co.uk/2017/09/hard-is-hard.html, but no need to feel you must!)
First, I am sorry to hear about your job loss. That’s the worst. 🙁 And I am REALLY sorry about that poopy diaper. That may be even worse……
Truly….I am feeling very tired lately and I don’t know why. Well, I do. But I don’t feel like giving up donuts for exercise. I “retired” this year from elementary school PTO because I have been doing it forever and it just wasn’t fun anymore. And also because all my good friends aren’t doing it either because their kids aren’t in elementary school anymore, or they have moved away. And I am lonely. We have moved so much in my life that I don’t have a solid group of girlfriends. And what makes me really said on IG is seeing all those women with their lifelong best friends…..Do they have match.com for friends????
I hope your day/week/month gets better…..
OMG that is your 15 minutes of fame – find a coder and MAKE match.com for friends!!!
I totally feel you on the lonely front – I have a couple friends that I’ve known forever but I never seem to have (or make) the time to see them and connect with them enough. Then at 11pm when I’m still wide awake & hubby is snoring to Friends or Seinfeld reruns, I’m like, I wish I would have called someone today! And I’m with you on the not feeling like giving up donuts for exercise – totally made me snort-laugh!! 😀
You can do this, momma!
My husband and I didn’t finish college until ages 29 & 30. I feel so far behind. We had our duaghter at 22, so that means we will mostly likely still be paying off student loans when she goes off to college. We don’t own a house, we won’t for several more years and I feel so far behind our friends financially. I constantly have to remind myself that we’ve only been out of school for 3 years and have done 2 BIG moves in that time, all while paying for infertility treatments, but even that doesn’t really help.
After 6 years of infertility, we decided to accept the things we cannot change, and more forward, but I still wonder if we should’ve done more.
I have big things I want to do, a blog, a new brand but get scared when I think about hitting the live button, so it just sits there.
I haven’t made any friends living here in California. I don’t think I will either. I’m basically just waiting around to move again.
We homeschool and I am struggling through my lack of motivation. I had plans to be organized and prepare….and every day I’m.kind of scrambling around.
I have always appreciated your authenticity as a crafter and a mom. I hope things with the job work out, we live in so cal, so I understand needing the income.
Love your realness….and thank you for sharing it. That’s what really binds us all together. Imagine…some day it will be you and your hubby…ALONE. it will seem like it went so fast. Love the sister soup and hope you took a picture.
You are rocking this wonderful life you have and I often look at your IG feed with heartfelt envy! I will be 40 in February, still single, no kids and thought I would have a family at this stage in my life! I have a fabulous career, built a house 2 years ago, have a great tribe of friends and family but would love nothing more than filling my home with more than me and my 2 (aborable) cats ;-).
I admire your scrapbooking & memory keeping and just bought a Happy Planner (inspired from your blog post documenting your process) for fitness (determined to get back in shape before the BIG 40!) but struggle with my memory keeping as I don’t have a family to photograph. Yep ~ a single gal with a round trip ticket on the Hot Mess Express!! I find it so hard not to compare my life with others social media profiles! I am blessed and have a very fulfilled life as it is, just have to remind myself of this! Hugs and thanks for being so real!
Stephanie, You are awesome. I love your honesty and your genuineness. I don’t know you personally but I wish I did. I wish we lived closer and could get together and just chat. My kids are 17 and 15 (they could babysit!) so I have gone past the crazy all the time, not having time to read or scrapbook or exercise or ANYTHING it felt like I wanted to do for me. We are moving to the not as busy all the time phase. Part of it is I purposely peeled off from feeling like I had to volunteer for everything that was asked and it is so nice but of course I feel so guilty. Some days I still can’t figure out how we are going to fit dinner in and we have toast and eggs or the ever popular pasta. We always have frozen ravioli in the house…..so that works.
I have tried to stop scrolling through Facebook and I don’t really follow friends on Instagram to avoid that “it’s a long weekend and everyone is doing something and my family wants to do nothing!” or look how beautiful everyone looks! feeling….Why does that always come back? Why can’t we just say “I am good enough the way I am! Who cares what everyone else is posting?”
Hang in there and sending a hug across the miles…
I have a seven week old who won’t let me put her down, a five year old sassmonster who is not adjusting well to a new sibling, a suitcase to pack for a solo trip with the baby tomorrow, all (ALL) our clothes are in the laundry baskets waiting to be folded before I can pack them, and I have a doctor appointment for the baby in a few hours and still have to shower (been a few days…) and get us both ready, praying we are done in time to get big sis off the bus.
Your blog/feed is consistently my favorite because it is REAL. Beautiful people and books and food and adventures, but it is REAL. Thank you for that.
I am sorry for all the hurdles right now for you. Hoping it gets better soon. You are doing a wonderful job!
I haven’t been to the gym in three weeks. Last time I went I ended up hiding and reading instead of going to class.
I’ve done this! A few times.
We just need downtime and alone time. We need to get over the idea that “it’s ok” to go to the gym but not “ok” to say… I need a minute to get lost in a book.
Hang in there!
I am in week 7 of achilles surgery. I can only wear baggy pants that will fit over this big old boot. I can’t take a shower unless my husband helps me in & out & I have to sit on a handicapped bench.Couldn’t put on any weight on foot until last week. I feel like a freakin flamingo. Makeup – you have to be kidding I struggle to brush my teeth. I need to find someone to clean my house because I don’t see me doing it soon. I look at IG with all the filters & perfectly staged everything & think this is NOT real life. Don’t worry Stephanie you are doing fine just fine the way you are. You are raising beautiful strong girls & in my opinion doing a wonderful job.
Those IG Brand perfect people annoy me. Just unfollow them. Its not real. You are real, and raising lovely children and giving them a home and family life that will turn them in to amazing adults…just like you and Jimmy. Peace.
Girl! I’m wearing maternity leggings with holes in them and a college t-shirt that’s at least one size too small. Am I pregnant, nope! I’m bloated and the maternity leggings are more comfortable.
I also took my son to school in said outfit with no shower and no make up and greasy hair.
You. Are. Not. Alone!!
We call this #projectreallife
xo
You are not the only one.
I am 51 and I still find myself wondering about those lives out there that look magical. My life is not magical, but it’s one I wouldn’t trade.
I’m about 40 pounds overweight and sometimes think: I’d be better as a thinner woman. I would seem more together if I weighed less.
But the reality is this: no one gives a s#$t about my weight. Not real people, anyway. And besides, many people are too busy thinking about their own insecurities, and how sad is that?
You would not like me more if I weighed 150 pounds. I’m pretty certain of that.
I think many people crave real. I also think many people do not. Each has its upsides and its downsides.
I think you are the shizz. Keep it real, my friend.
Love this!
Thanks for sharing!! Seriously, it is SOOO easy to get dragged into the comparison, I totally feel you. I have decided that I need to back off, let my daughter do more things for herself (she needs to learn how!), and not feel like everything/one relys on me – the world will still turn if we order takeout, or I take a day off to organize my craft supplies & prepare for some projects (totally did that Friday, dammit!).
Your kids are loved, cared for, and you are ROCKING it!
Good luck on the job front – and give yourself a little grace to be stressed & need to do something else but worry.
Hugs!
Stephanie, you are wonderful! I’ve been following you since your Creating Keepsakes days, and I feel like you are someone I could be totally real with. We all have our hot messes, right? I just got out of the hospital for a heart scare, and I need to lose a lot of weight and get healthy. Ugh. Just thinking about that, along with taking care of my kids and working at my new job, makes me tired. Anyway, keep doing what you’re doing – you’re doing a great job! And your family loves you, so that’s all that matters! (And if one of your many moves ever brings you near Chicago, I think we should get together!)
Yes, I had to uninstall Instagram because it was putting me in such an unhealthy headspace. I still check it via a web browser from time to time, but I’m so much happier without it.
I’ve come to learn that sometimes a lot of crazy seems to coincide all at once, and it just makes life super crazy. And it can sometimes feel like an avalanche that’s falling onto you. So I take things one at a time, prioritizing the critical. It’s like, how do you walk/get through a blizzard? You look down, and put one foot in front of the other. I’m just getting back from a deployment, and after taking some leave, not super excited about returning to work and all of the life adjustments that come with it.
You know what’s funny about this blog post is that your life makes me envious! I grew up with sisters and assumed I would have lots of daughters. I love & adore my sons and I wouldn’t trade them for anything but my heart hurts every day that my one daughter doesn’t have a sister. I love seeing your daughter-filled life. The “imperfections” make it even better.
Yup. Same same same. The details are different, but the messes, the kid drama and worry, the too much on my plate… yup!
Those Instagram posts are at best a slice of the “good times” and at worst, a false representation of life. I know way too many people who have to ignore their kids or spouse or whatever to curate those posts and that doesn’t seem worth it!
Oh heavens, girl, you are not the only one!
I’m glad it wasn’t my hand in the poopy diaper this morning [whew! my kids are older than yours], but we’ve all had our fair share of life’s poopy days, times and moments. In the end, it’s what we do with and how we handle those hot messes. You always handle them with such grace.
Hang on — God has awesome things in store for you!
By the way, yoga pants and no makeup for the win! Just sayin’ — I spend most my days like this, too.
Oh my gosh…you’re life sounds and LOOKS amazing from where I’m sitting. And I’m sitting in my pjs…..by choice. lol I eat TV dinners almost every night-because I want to. Lol yes my nails, toes AND hands, are always perfectly manicured. But the rest of me, not so much. lol I’ve posted before that I’m 67 in the middle of a divorce from my 5time cheater husband and don’t get a dime of support. I’m living in $1018 a month and my home is packed up ready to move into a tiny apartment SOMEWHERE.
Sometimes i go days without getting dressed. I love my Lane Bryant loungewear. Lol Sometimes I only wash my hair once a week because….I don’t want to. I only do laundry once every other week…because I don’t have to. I watch tv whenever I want without having an argument of who’s in charge of the remote. I LOVE my life now. I really do. But I get green with envy when I read about how crazy your life is. It’s just a season, my dear. You are just as normal as everyone else and one day you will look back and laugh with having had such a crazy beautiful life even though your nails aren’t as nice as mine!! Lol lol you are so blessed.
Husband has been in the field for what seems like an eternity. My boys go from sweet angels to demon spawn in .00001 seconds. The fighting and talking back and whining is out of control. I take a nap everyday when the little one naps and the big one is having iPad time just so I can be good mommy from the end of nap time till bedtime. Last week, I lost my temper with them everyday by 8:30 am (how many times do I need to say “get your shoes on so we can go to school?”). Oh, and the little one woke up at 4:30 am today.
I joined an online workout program and have only done it once.
I work from home, which sounds really ideal. However, some days my calls start so early that I sit virtually chained to my computer at 2 in the afternoon without any hope of getting into the shower until dinnertime. Today, I made it into the shower before a crisis occurred, but never dried and straightened my hair. And the only time I put make-up on during the week is when my boss schedules a video call. One time she did this with no advanced warning that I literally threw a shirt on over my pjs and just straightened the front of my hair! There are days that I don’t even get outside except to get the mail or bring in the garbage pails! And then there was Saturday night — or should I say Sunday morning — when I got up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night while staying with friends. When I went to use my phone as a flashlight, I found four desperate texts from my daughter who is away at school. It was not life threatening in the Are you bleeding? Are you in danger? Do you need to go to the hospital? scale. She was disappointed about something that had happened and obviously didn’t want to wait until morning when she texted me at 1:30 a.m.. Not wanting to wake her up, I tossed and turned with worry for the rest of the night until it was a reasonable time to call her. And by that time, her crisis had averted and I had only gotten a collective 3 hours sleep. Instead of Instagramming that, I posted a picture about the wine tasting we went to with our friends later that afternoon! Lol! (BTW, Boordy Vineyards is just a 2.5 hour drive from Reston!) Sure, those perfect Instagram feeds are pretty to look at but I would not consider any one of those Instagrammers my friend, as I do you Stephanie! I love seeing the real life you portray and it has inspired me in so many ways beyond scrapbooking! I love seeing your girls singing in Target or wearing princess costumes in May! You are empowering them to be strong women, And so what if they occasionally have ice cream for dinner? When mine were little and my husband was away on business, I would serve up pancakes and call it an Upside Down Day! And while that may not be something that a Super Instagram mom would post about, my kids thought I was Super Mom for doing it. And that’s what really matters!!! Keep doing what you are doing, Stephanie. Because I would rather see 10 authentic posts from you any day!!!
Love this post. Some days are just hard but you just keep going. Things like sister soup are what your girls will remember one day.
My girls are in their teens and I am now 50 – not sure how that happened. Struggling with the letting go and helping my eldest learn to drive. My house is definitely not instagram worthy and I never wear makeup. We moved countries 15 years ago and then my eldest was diagnosed with autism and I basically just shut myself away so I feel lonely most days.
Just got to get up and keep moving. Keep doing what you are doing and sharing in the way you do as you are making a difference in the lives of your girls as well as people you have never met.
I’ve totally done the hide-and-read at the gym. AT the gym, not even at a coffee shop NEAR the gym. It was pretty awesome, actually.
And this is why I love reading your blog! Thanks for keeping it real! ps – totally have hidden in the closet and ate a chocolate bar so I wouldn’t have to share with my kids LOL. You are freaking awesome!
Yes. yes. yes.
My house is clean in SOME room about 30% of the time, the other rooms (that I can shut the door to) look like a bomb went off and then someone threw every piece of clothing we own around the room.
I always have dishes in the sink.
My floors are ALWAYS dirty. no matter how often I sweep/mop them. And I’ve bought just about every device they sell trying to find something that keeps them clean. I’ve resulted to swooning hardcore over a very expensive vacuum that mops while it vacuums as well. Some days it’s literally all I can think about.
I wash my hair once a week, twice if I’m lucky.
I could go on and on……… 🙂
Love you sister.
When my oldest was 3 and I was pregnant with the second kiddo, I would pick him up from Montessori preschool after work, he would fall asleep on the way home, then he would wake up screaming for white powdered sugar donuts for dinner. Then he would watch Air Bud or dirt bike videos on a loop so I could doze because I was so freaking exhausted.
When he was 5, he saw me deleting some gross X-rated SPAM (this was back in dial-up MSN days and SPAM filters weren’t invented yet) and said “Is that sex? I love sex!” Still can’t believe he didn’t grow up to be a psycho.
I used to speed clean before anyone came over, then I read a column by Erma Bombeck or Ann Landers about how guests felt much more at home in a lived-in house and not a spotless house. That is my permission slip to let housework slide. Dust comes back. The sink always gets filled up. Who CARES!?!
I quit watching HGTV years ago because it depressed me. I rarely watch Food Network. And I have drastically cut back on social media. It all helps improve my sanity. And I love every one of your posts. You are doing awesome, and your daughters will have so many funny stories to tell their own kids. You really do live the width and the length of life. God bless you 🙂
Loved reading your honesty. I am at home with 1 of 3 children, mostly adults now. The house stays clean and tidy and quiet – horribly empty quiet and I miss it. Not the poop and hot mess, the Aw so sweet moments that peppered the other moments. Hang in there you are doing us as women proud!
I always feel like those people don’t really live they just stage everything.
My house is 100% lived in and messy 10 minutes after it’s cleaned. I literally have four pairs of pants that are not lounge pants. My kids are messy. I haven’t had a pedicure since I was in a wedding back in June. I think It’s been that long since I fixed my hair outside a messy bun too.
I also continually wonder how in the heck they pay for everything too no way my kids are wearing $50 jeans and $200 boots – I spend $1400 a month in daycare? Don’t these people have daycare expense? Do these people even have mortgages?
I have followed you for a few years now and I love reading your posts! They are so raw and real and pretty much bring tears to my eyes every time! It is sooooo easy to get wrapped up in what we think “mom life” should be or look like and IG certainly does not help for the most part! However, there are many mamas out there who are using their social media platforms to talk not only about the days that they totally rocked but also the days where there was much blood, sweat and tears and I love the authenticity! Being a mama (just being a parent for that matter) is one of the most complicated roles out there and we need to take advantage of the social outlets that we have at our fingertips to support each other and band together. We are all in this thing together and we all share a common goal…to do the best job that we can and raise the best kids that we can. Sure I have days where I totally nail it and then I also have days where I did anything but nail it! I just try to reflect on the highs and lows of each day and laugh.a.lot! Anyway, you are doing a fab job….keep writing these “real” posts because you are helping maaaany other mamas out there to get through their day!……..and I can’t wait until the season 2 premier of This Is Us!…..my husband and I saw the preview on tv last night and he was like “oh man, I’m not ready to start crying again”….but I too love this show for all the reasons that you listed!!! Have a great day!!!
I am 70 years old. My kids are grown but their lives are still messy. My husband and I are retired and we have time to do things but our lives are still messy. Everyone’s is. Even the ones that look perfect on IG. When my kids were young they played a lot of sports which meant that dinner was often Zoodles because we had to be a some practice or game. My husband had to fend for himself . We all survived. I think the most important thing that I have learned in my old age is that no one cares about what you’re wearing or what your house looks like or what you’re doing (or not doing). For some reason women think that everyone is looking at them and judging them, but I don’t think that’s true. Everyone is dealing with their own issues and messes. They don’t care about you. The same with scrapbook pages. The only one who cares what they look like is you. Hopefully your family will enjoy looking at the pictures, but they won’t care about the “scrapbooking” part of it. Life is short and it’s never going to be perfect. So it’s more important to enjoy all the good times and just deal with the not-so-good times and move on. And turn off social media. It’s a killer
I just love you. That is all. 🙂
Oh my dear – we are of the same tribe! I don’t often wear make-up and often have my hair up. If I could be in yoga pants or pajama pants I would (I can’t get away with that at work, unfortunately). My house is not perfectly clean, nor will it ever be (I have 2 kids, 2 dogs and my husband). I know what you are talking about – I see these posts of pristine rooms and clear countertops (am I the only one with clutter?!), perfect artwork on the walls that goes with all the beautiful furniture with the throws that land just so…my throws look like we were just sleeping with them…crumbs are on my floor and sometimes I just call the dogs over to lick them up. I am always at war with my dishes…it never ends! However, I have learned to pick one battle at a time and that not everything needs to be perfect. I was always quite the perfectionist, but am always working at letting go. If I worry about everything being perfect, I will be cleaning into the wee hours of the morning every single day and will not get to enjoy time with my girls (now 8 & 5). So I choose to sit down and make a craft with them and ignore the items that need dusting – they will eventually get a wipedown. Will my girls be saying, “Remember how clean and spotless the house was growing up?” – I doubt it. However, they will be saying, “Remember when we were building forts with the couch cushions and blankets and would leave them up for a week? How about the garlands we used to make and hang up at Christmas? Then, of course, there were the many pictures we drew and paintings we painted. That was always fun!” I choose memories over perfection (but I do still have my freak-out moments – lol).
Stephanie, I promise you are a great mom to your girls and a great wife to Jimmy and I’d share a bottle of wine with you while we wore yoga pants and laughed about your poor mums anyday. Crap happens, don’t sweat the small stuff.