I’ve had this tab open in my browser for two days. The cursor keeps blinking at me and the publish button is mocking me. And still I can’t write anything.
I’ve thought about it. I could write a book post or a fall fashion post. I could write about Sadie losing her first tooth or Venice or the live chess match we went to.
I could write about lots of things but when I try to type the words out I just end up…not doing it.
I’m sitting here tonight staring at this screen yet again. There are a million things I should be doing but I really want to blog. I want to write something, put it out there, talk to myself, and connect with others all at the same time.
As I sat here pondering what to write about for the zillionth time this week, it hit me. Just write.
So that’s what I’m doing tonight. No rhyme or reason, no topic, no agenda. I’m not going to think about it first or edit myself. No hemming and hawwing. No backspacing. I just feel like getting something down and hitting publish.
This world is so scary right now. I mean, rationally I realize that the world is always scary. But between the sad horrible things that humans are doing to one another, the horrendous diseases ravaging and taking lives, and the other stuff. Terrifying people and things and groups. Things that have me changing the name of my blog and wondering what I can talk about. And again- rationally I realize that terrorists depend on scaring us. And that we simply cannot let them win. But dammit, it’s enough to make me want to crawl into a bubble with my babies and never come out.
What helps? Prayer. Exercise. Being with my friends and my precious family. Just living.
But it can be paralyzing if you let it. The what-ifs can stop you right in your tracks if you let them.
Whew. Feels good just typing that.
What else?
Life is crazy busy (You know I HATE that word and the glorification of it-but it’s true) right now. I feel like the days are passing in a blur and I can barely catch my breath. Volunteering and exploring and traveling and exercising and running a taxi for four little girls. The best kind of crazy but oh it’s crazy. I long for a day in yoga pants and no bra! That sounds like heaven to me right now. To all of you working moms, I wish I could hug and high five each one of you right now. You are my heroes. I realize that I truly don’t have anything on my plate compared to each of you and I just want to tell you you rock.
But life is good. We are all healthy and that is such a gift. I am grateful for each and every day with my girls and J. Even in the midst of the dish washing and endless driving and spill wiping and ponytail tying…even when I’m breaking up fights and yelling too much and pulling my hair out- life is beautiful.
Thanks for listening to my ramblings today. Back to regularly scheduled programming soon. 🙂
xoxo
S
Thank you for your post. I always love reading your words.
I’m so glad you’ve changed the name! Every time I saw it pop up with the old name, I worried.
I dont think it will really do anything and I have no desire to erase the archives, but oh well.
I loved reading your rambley post and I so appreciate the shout out to working moms….while that definitely has challenges of its own, being a stay at home mom is so challenging too. I love how exciting and fun you are making life for your girls! All those special dates/getaways take a lot of time, but so worth it!
You are a wonderful human. That is all.
LOVE reading what you have to say…no matter what it is you say! Always can relate on some level! Thank you!!
I so enjoy seeing your blog come up, I cannot wait to read about your wonderful kids and your adventures.
Sadly, we live in a time where trust is a major issue. Yes, we all have to be careful of what we write, do, and must always be alert. Wasn’t too long ago it just didn’t matter.
Love what you do write, love seeing your beautiful kids, frowns and all.
Take care, be careful, please keep writing so we can all enjoy your visions and life.
In my humble opinion, you don’t always need a reason. When you sit down for coffee with a friend, you don’t have a main topic or agenda (well, most of the time anyway) so reading posts like this one seems like you’re just chatting! Thanks for sharing your perspective! 🙂
Working *single* Mum reading here….yeah, we do need a medal or something 😉
[Unsure why you’ve had to change the name, hoping it’s not due to anything sinister]
I’ve been thinking about you alot lately & truthfully worrying alot too. The world is becoming a very scary place no matter where you live. Just keep enjoying every minute with your sweet girls & share whatever you feel is safe & prudent. Sometimes I don’t know how you cope with everything. Be careful & stay safe.
Oh man, yeah, changing the name was smart. I am AD AF and I took everything off Facebook. I don’t think my family really understands, but they are sweet and haven’t tagged me in anything recently. It’s really sad, though. And definitely scary. I wish I thought things would change, but I doubt it. I think we’ll have to be private people from here on out.
But, as you said- you have those wonderful girls and great husband and even if you can’t share it all here, you can share it with them, and that’s awesome.
Great ramblings today! Rambling is good, for us mamas to four (10 and 6 year old girls and 4 1/2 year old twin boys).
I echo your thoughts today as well. Not often afraid of health scares, as an RN, I can admit I am more these days and happy I have left the hospital world and am in an office environment 4 days a week.
Living in a relatively small city means we have to travel to a big city to the children’s hospital where our youngest son gets violated for lack of a better word, on a yearly basis…a trip we reluctantly make. On one hand being frustrated that our little steel town lacks the proper healthcare to take care of his kidneys…a condition found when I was pregnant with he and his twin brother.
The healthcare frustration of my town turns to happiness for this little town as the trip we made very recently to the big city included a downtown shopping trip that makes me just want to run from this crazy crime, hate filled world and like you said perfectly, hide out with my babies!!!
A little sight-seeing, me dragging my feet, trying to be “that” mom , taking too many photos…annoying my husband as usual. Wanting to stop again for another photo, my husband saying noooooo….me sulking as we turned the corner and made our way back to the hotel where only a hundred yards from the corner and we heard, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop…then screaming. Never have I been happier to return to my little steel town.
I have always loved how you despise the word busy. It’s my most despised word and I sometimes get so upset at people asking the same thing…how do you do it? You must be so buuuuusssssyyyyyyy.
I know it’s because they probably don’t know what else to us mamas who like me, had 4 kiddos in 5 years.
Yep, maybe they want to hear some secret trick on “how” I do it.
Perhaps they want me to say that my kids are served heart shaped pancakes for breakfast from Pinterest everyday and they have the best mama love notes in their organic lunch boxes every day.
Then I want to hug the very people who are asking me the “how”….that mama with one who is feeling like she is just having a hard time managing it all.
I want to say, how do I do it? Well, a lot of the time I don’t.
I do my best, which means I just love them and I do my best.
I’m overwhelmed all the time and it’s ok to just lock the door to the bathroom and cry sometimes….then I pull up my big girl undies and just put one foot in front of the other.
Being healthy is really all that matters and having love in your four walls and just being true to you, your kids and your partner. We all have lots on our plates…no kids, one or 10 kids. Working outside the home or inside the home…cause you do! Skinnygirl margaritas are my wine 🙂
Please always keep your blog real…ramblings and all! That’s what I live about coming here the best…we all need to help rise each other up instead of trying to out do each other so much.
the perfect post…
Perfect. And I’m a working mom, PTA president at the high school (what was I thinking????) mom, softball mom, but I do believe you’re a busier mom than I am, so high five to us both. And thanks for The Language of Flowers. I’m listening to it and loving it.
So much of what you say resonates Stephanie. I think the same feelings are washing over many of us at the moment, the world seems quite overwhelming at times. All we can do is keep going onwards, ever onwards. I’m hugging and high fiving you back, you’re my hero too, you totally rock. CJ xx
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. A lot of us are thinking the same things, but we need to live in the here and now and be present in our lives of what is, not what could be. But. It’s hard being the adult and wanting to protect our kids. All we can do is the best we can do. Keep up the posts, please. Random or not, they are real life and you will love looking back at them someday.
I love your honesty. (hugs)
I am that working mom you speak of & I totally applaud you as a stay at home mom. I am lucky enough to have some of my summer off since I’m a middle grade school librarian and I crave those carefree summer days. But by the end of the summer we are tired of one another & ready for more structure & time away from each other. I have no idea how you do it every day. You must be blessed with incredible patience! Our world is full of atrocities right now and it scares me. I worry about our family’s safety & more importantly I worry about the future for my boys. We try so hard not to let the ugliness consume us and to educate the boys about the world and that God calls us to serve those less fortunate & in need. But it’s tough, every day when I just want to keep them home and safe….it’s tough. I refuse to give into the fears and let that dictate the future. I still have a responsibility to our boys to raise them into great Christian, young men. Thank you for your post & your honesty. It’s good to know that there are other moms out there who feel the same as I do.
Love when you ‘just write’.
🙂
Great post.
Even when you just “ramble” it’s pretty awesome. xx.
loved The Language of Flowers.. Never would’ve thought I’d love that book. It just didn’t seem like anything I’d really enjoy but I really did! Love your sharing… Thanks for your heart!
Oh gosh I hadn’t even thought of the name of your blog. Shoot that sucks that you had to change it as it was a great name but I totally get it. You have a gift for writing. Thanks for taking the time to do it.