I’ve been a military spouse for 20+ years. 7 deployments, 5 kids, every scenario possible.
And you know one thing I will never do?
Make you feel like crap because you’re missing your non-military husband.
It’s something I’ve seen over and over in the military community, a sense of superiority and condescension.
Oh you miss your husband because he’s on a work trip? IMAGINE YOUR HUSBAND BEING IN AFGHANISTAN FOR A YEAR!
Oh your pregnancy was difficult? IMAGINE HAVING A BABY WHILE YOUR HUSBAND IS DEPLOYED.
Oh you feel lonely? IMAGINE LIVING ALONE WHILE YOUR SPOUSE IS DEPLOYED.
Please. It makes me crazy. It’s so rude and dismissive and why would you take that approach when instead you could encourage, mentor, and love another human?
It’s hard to be apart from the person you love. Missing someone is an indicator of love and connection and it’s a human emotion. Missing is HARD. And why would you invalidate and dismiss that just because you feel like you feel you have some sort of leg up or some sort of superiority?
I want my friends to know they can come to me and find solace and comfort in my presence when they are missing the person they love.
Whether it’s a weekend in Cleveland or Dallas or Phoenix or a year in Afghanistan, Syria, or Iraq. I want to love and encourage other women feeling the sense of isolation, worry, and loneliness that I’ve felt. I want to empower them to know that they can do it. And not only do it, but grow and flourish, and become a better woman through the minutes, weeks, months, years apart.
It’s not a competition, y’all.
We’ve got to fix each other’s crowns and be one another’s biggest hype woman. We need to love and build each other up. Every time you say something dismissive to someone who is struggling, all it does is make that person feel more alone.
Stop rolling your eyes and clucking your tongue and making milspouses look like some elite group of insufferable snobs.
And if you’ve made someone feel like this it’s never too late to mend those bridges and apologize. Being the port in a storm for another woman is something they will never forget.
Anyway, looks like I’m blogging again? What is this, 2009?
So glad to see you back.
Hooray! I met you by way of yourscrapping and blogging (not IRL, unfortunately) so consider me one who is happy to see a new blog post from Stephanie Howell! My sister and I used to have a book blog and when Instagram took over all my time, I stopped posting. My sister, however, has always continued. Since I’m barely working now, maybe I can use some of my free time to update my book blog…
The world needs more people like you!
Yes! We need more love in this world. Help each other, lift each other up. It feels SO wonderful and creates ripples of good. Let’s put those good vibes to work in a world that badly needs it. Thank you for this post.
Love it!! Keep up the good work!
(insert hysterical laughter emojis–the drawback to blogging) (heart heart)
❤️
Yay!
My husband has traveled for work for over 17 years. Never gone as long as a deployment, but recently we are on week 3 here of him being gone with this current project.
I have had friends say, “oh I shouldn’t complain to you about this” in the past when their spouses would be gone for a few days. But I always tell them, your feelings are valid and if anyone can empathize and understand it would be me!
You in fact once a few years back empathized with me through a blog your heart out post about this very thing and it was much appreciated at the time. ♥️
Yay, welcome back! Long live blogs! As usual, I love your thoughts and passion. Well said. ❤️