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Stephanie Howell

reading, organizing, shopping, momming too close to the sun. Home is wherever the Army sends us.

irony

is it ironic that a beginning can also seem like an ending??-1

on saturday afternoon, both of my baby girls took their first steps.

cate first…she let go of my fingers with a grin firmly in place. and she took two wobbly steps before collapsing in my arms with a giggle.

lucy girl was next. she took two lunging steps, interrupting jimmy right as he was saying "who knows when she'll walk with those thunder thi….".

i remember harper's first steps (to jimmy, in her bedroom at 12 months old) and sadie's first steps (to my mother-jimmy was deployed-at 10 months old). i remember them like they were yesterday. but they weren't.

and as the girls walked to me, i tried to hide my teary eyes with loud laughter and whoops of joy. but a tear or two escaped as it hit me-

"these are the last first steps i will witness".

and i think i am okay with that, but it breaks my heart a little bit.

i know there will be so many more firsts. so many more. but for a moment i wanted to treasure THESE first steps. savor them, revel in them, imprint them in my memory.

the day both of my babies walked.my last babies.

now? on to something new. 🙂 BABY CAGES. just kidding. sort of. leashes?

xoxo

s

Comments

  1. OMG!! I’m tearing right now, I never thought of that as the last first steps and I can’t recall. 🙁 my baby is 10 now, I’m sure I have it written down somewhere but I don’t remember it like you do.
    So sweet!

  5. Girl, I think you should have at least TWO MORE babies! come on, you make them sooooo beautifully! please!
    seriously, though, how cool they took their first steps on the same day! that ROCKS! hugs to you mama!
    I may get to scrapbook tonight after all, Parenthood isn’t on ha ha!!!
    tara

  8. I completely hear you on this one. For awhile I was keeping track of Ben’s “lasts”, his last bottle, the last time I fed him, etc. (kind of lost track of that one). I am excited and sad all at the same time. He will be starting kindergarten next fall (he turns 5 next week). He is my last baby. And they grow up so fast. So, yes, soak up those last firsts and imprint them. I just love seeing those first wobbly steps!! And you thought you were busy now??? They are really gonna keep you hopping!! Those baby cages might be needed.. TOTALLY kidding here too!!! 🙂 They are going to go to bed for the night and you are gonna collapse from complete exhaustion from chasing them!! 🙂 It will be fun though.

  10. Karen Kingsbury has a children’s book all
    about “lasts”. I can’t even read it without crying. I think about the firsts/lasts thing too and it’s so hard to know as moms we raise to let go. Love your pic though. Your girls are
    precious!

  11. How sweet 🙂 I’m right there with ya. My last baby is 6 mos old on Friday. And every time she has a ‘first’ I’m happy & sad at the same time. Bittersweet 🙂

  12. Sweet! Love all of your baby posts. My last babies are now 15:( Not sure how well I will handle it when they leave for college at the same time.

  13. So exciting! My brother (who has boy twins) joked, just joked, about knocking them over a few times to keep them from walking too soon.Either that or blocking the one so he couldn’t see his brother walking…haha. Luckily, you have two big sisters to help corral them!
    My brother and his wife..they were clearly outnumbered.
    Seriously, thanks for sharing your pictures, I really enjoy seeing your little girls!

  16. How fabulous: first steps on the same day! Congratulations! These babies never cease to make me smile, laugh and to amaze me….goodness knows how you all must feel.

  18. Okay, sort of related and sort of not. When I was a senior in high school I was THE quintessential band nerd. Seriously. I lived for band and everything about band. Ate and slept band. I was one of those seniors who practically spent my entire senior year in the band room. (Might explain why I became a high school band director later in life). Anyway, I spent the entire year telling everyone in the band, “This is the LAST time I’m going to get to march in the first game of the year …. This is the LAST time I’m going to get to march at homecoming … This is the LAST time I’m going to go to an away game … THIS is the last time I’m going to get to be in a parade …” and on and on. It became a huge joke among my fellow band members. So much so, they would sometimes beat me to it. “Hey Melissa, isn’t this the LAST time you’ll get to ride a bus with the band …” And on and on. But, come March of senior year, we traveled to the biggest competition of the year. The highest score you can achieve is a “One”. And ideally, you want a “One” from all three judges so that you get “straight ones across the board”. We were all sitting on the bus waiting to leave the competition, when the band director climbed the stairs to board the bus. Everyone got extremely quiet, waiting to hear the news. But instead of telling the whole band, he took that moment to look straight at me and say, “Well Melissa, I guess this is the last time you’re going to get a One”. Of course, by telling me, he told the whole bus and we erupted in deafening cheers. My point is simple. “The last time” is important. Whether it’s the last time you are going to see your babies walk for the first time or the last time you achieve something important in your young life or the last time you kiss your child before she leaves for college or walks down the isle to get married. Savor every second. Enjoy it. Let is wash over you. Life moves SO fast. It’s just so important to savor those “last” times. I still remember exactly what it felt like to hear that news, over 25 years ago. You will always remember this last time. And soon. Very soon, your babies will start remembering their “last times” too.

  19. Oh my gosh…both girls on the same day. That’s awesome! I totally get what you are talking about, and as you know there will be many more…like for me, when did my 16 year old baby girl stop calling me mommy, mostly it’s “mother” these days. Yikes!
    But the wonderful thing is you were in the moment, you reconized it, you savored it and you’ve recorded it here. That’s special!!!

  20. You will find this bittersweetness with almost all of your experiences with these babies. Every first for them will be a last for you. I thought I would get over noticing this, but I don’t. (My youngest “baby” is an independent 6-year-old now.) Long ago I decided just to savor it. To cry if I feel like crying. Because…you are right. This IS the last time you’ll experience those things. Knowing it is the last time makes you feel it more I think.
    and, on a lighter note: squeeeee! So cute!!!!

  22. so bittersweet and precious! i share the same feelings…some days i’d like to just stop time…my youngest turned two this year and it’s sad to have nobody under the age of one in the house….we just have to treasure every single day.

  23. I think I would opt for the baby cages…seems like they would just get tangled up in the leashes… ha-ha 🙂 Bless you and your “last babies” on their first steps!! xoxoxoxox

  24. Oh no you didn’t say baby leashes!!!!!! While practical in theory they are the WORST thing invented to keep your children close…if I see you “walking” your girlies, I WILL cut them loose lol!! You are one lucky woman. XOXO

  25. you have such a gift for words that bring you to tears only to follow with out-loud-laughter. 🙂 i understand where you’re coming from completely. would you believe i kind of miss changing diapers and seeing my baby suck her thumb? these moments are bittersweet…i am such a baby person, but i have to say that seeing my babies grow into such wonderful, tender, and fun little people is such a blessing. it does just get better and better.

  26. First: adorable! Second: congratulations, babies! Third: I, too, am savoring the last of the firsts with my (third and final) baby girl. It is intensely bittersweet, as you have captured so beautifully here.

  27. you know, I thought the same thing with my little one, I have a son who’s 14, daughter who’s 12 and an almost four year old little guy and I remember his first steps and thinking “this is the last first step moment I will experience…” so I know how you feel, how adorable that they did this together !!

  28. Your girls just couldn’t be any cuter! My last turns 3 on Saturday. I remember each of my last “firsts”. Except one – the last diaper. Still waiting for that one. Something tells me I will not be sentimental that day 😉
    Oh yeah – baby leashes are great. Both my boys are runners (as in the instant you set them down they’re off) and a leash has saved us at least twice, both times in airports. I’m not advocating them for everyday use, but in dangerous/crowded situations where a stroller won’t work, they are a blessing. I did have one old lady criticize me for using one. My reply was “Would you like to hold my screaming infant while I chase him down the terminal? No? How about my luggage and the other toddler?” I’m sure she’ll think twice about harassing another mom just doing what works for her.

  30. You may someday witness the first steps of your grand babies. :). My daughter finally took her first steps at 16 months. Now she’s toddling all over the house after 3 weeks. I was a little sad, but there’s so much too look forward to.