or shall i say inside the heart of this army wife, as obviously all army wives do not have the same opinions.
inside the heart of this army wife there is
a deep appreciation and admiration for my husband and what he does. especially because i know i could never do what he does. i’d be terrifed. and i’d cry every time someone yelled at me.
the ability (cultivated over years of practice) to smile even when my heart is breaking, even when i’m terrified. the ability to pull myself together.
the intense longing to see pt’s in the washing machine. boots by the door. to smell that “army/infantry smell”. it smells like dirt and sand and sweat…and if i smell it it means he is HOME.
the belief that this life is what you make of it. that it is MY responsibility to make the best of situation. my children are watching me.
i will not be one of the ones who constantly complains about my husband being gone. about having to move all the time. i refuse.
i knew what i was getting into when i said “i do”. he went to west point for goodness sake. it’s not as if he was a shoe salesman who enlisted.
i knew what i was getting into. and i wanted this life. i chose this life.
and when i did that i forfeited the right to complain. having him in my life, by my side, is worth it all.
in the mind of this army wife
is the thought that we are so BLESSED to be able to experience this country. to see all of it.
the belief that it is wonderful that my husband does something he truly LOVES. something he excels at. something that satisfies him.
is the ability to be able to pack up a house in hours and then have it unpacked in a matter of days.
is the idea that it’s my job to make my home a safe place for my husband. to never belittle him or what he does. to always have his back. to defend him and believe in him.
is a constant prayer. for his safety. and to be honest, that nagging “what if”. i always have to prepare for the future. to know what to do. just in case.
a lot of you ask what it is like. it’s hard to explain. it’s amazing, and humbling, and terrifying, and wonderful all at once.
there is nothing scarier than saying goodbye to your husband the day he leaves. i can’t even explain it to you. there is no possible way to put it into words. absolutely, positively, physically, emotionally, and mentally painful.
there is also nothing better than holding your husband in your arms when he returns. it’s pure bliss.
are parts of this life hard? you betcha. i leave friends every few years (if not every year). it’s hard to make new ones. i miss j when he is gone. it’s lonely. it’s scary. sometimes it’s so scary i get physically ill (and that is why i don’t watch the news when he is gone). even when he is home, he’s not here. you don’t “leave your work at the office” when you are a soldier.
sometimes i have to physically restrain myself when i hear women complaining about husbands that play golf too much, or women who say they can’t survive if their husband goes out of town for the night. while everyone has the innate right to feel the way they feel, it hurts to hear things like that. i would give anything to be in that position.
i’ve been married to j for almost 8 years. he’s been gone for about at least half of that.
i am independent. i love being that way. i don’t need to have him here to take care of me. it sure is nice, though!
elizabeth stone said that “Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”
i agree. but i also think that the same can be said of those who marry a soldier.
i would not change this life for anything.
in the heart of this army wife
is the knowledge that i’m right where i am supposed to be.
anticipation, hope and fear for what the future holds,
and an immense sense of pride.
xo
s
p.s. all photos are from jimmy’s promotion to Major last year.