Top

Stephanie Howell

reading, organizing, shopping, momming too close to the sun. Home is wherever the Army sends us.

How Do You Do It All?

How do you do it? // via Stephanie Howell

Disclaimer: This post is NOT intended as a passive agressive call-out. I don’t have any particular “perfect seeming” women in mind and if I did, this post would make me a hypocrite, which isn’t my jam. I’m writing this post as someone who is continually asked this question. xo

The number one question that I hear (well, let’s be honest…it might be tied with Are they all yours?) is how in the WORLD do you do it all?

And you know what my answer is? I don’t.

I don’t y’all!

I.

DON’T.

And it will do me and you and struggling moms a disservice if I lie about it. The simple answer is that I don’t.

I do some things well. I love my family and I love my job. When my house is clean and I’m working out every day, I don’t have time for my quiet time and devotionals in the morning. When I read every day and make healthful dinners I’m not connecting with my husband the way I want to. When I’m spending the time with my children that they deserve and keeping the house clean I’m not spending any time being creative in any way.

I’ts a constant process and a constant juggling act.

I might look like I/we have it all together, but at any given time there is a laundry pile the size of Kilimanjaro in my basement or a pile of dishes sky-high in the sink. I don’t wear makeup but maybe once a month, I don’t get manicures, I don’t do my hair. My bed isn’t ever made. There are too many days in a row, especially when Jimmy is gone, when dinner consists of Eggos or pasta with butter and ham or GASP- Lunchables. I drive a freaking Odyssey/french fry graveyard that’s old as dirt (she’s named the swagger wagon) and any time you see one of those sliding doors open you WILL see trash fall out. Shrug.

I will never live a Pinterest-worthy, influencer worthy life.

And you know what? I DON’T WANT TO.

I have to let those expectations go and not feel guilt about them.

The mess is a happy mess. My children are loved. They are thriving. We are so happy and we are together and that’s alllll we ever want.

Oh, but in the interest of full disclosure…we aren’t always happy and shiny either. There is much fighting. Cats and dogs fighting. Door slamming fighting.  There are many deep breaths and prayers and trying to do this parenting thing right and not always passing with flying colors. There are days where I raise my voice too much and get a little bit sarcastic and go in my bedroom and cry.

But then there are apologizies. And modeling and asking for grace and forgiveness.

There are days where I just give up, sit down, and cry it out.

Oh, and I may not do it all but some things to help to at least give the illusion of having a handle on things.

  • coffee
  • prayer
  • a good planner
  • being really dedicated about organization
  • reading
  • the help of an amazing husband and some great kids
  • sking for (and accepting-the hard part!!) help when I need it
  • a bi-monthly housekeeper
  • a gym membership (where- let’s be honest…I don’t glow and prance around like an enchanted gazelle. I shoot the ceiling with the band and accidentally kick the balls and trip over my limbs)
  • good friends that I can be myself around.

But make sure you leave this post knowing this. I don’t do it all.

Outside the corner of every pretty vignette I post on IG there is guaranteed to be  a pile of crap I’m shoving to the side.

If you, dear reader, were here…I’d invite you into my grimy or shiny kitchen (depending on the day) and pour you a cup of coffee (or prosecco?) and we’d talk it out. I’d invite you to take off your bra and put on pants without a waist band and let the facade drop. Ponytails would be donned and makeup would be removed. Cute shoes would be tossed aside and chipped nail polish would be exposed. We’d talk about the fact that NO ONE has it all together. And that trying to look like we do is exhausting as hell. And the fact a beautiful Instagram full of perfect hair and perfect children and a flawless home is a brand, which is lovely to look at and aesthetically pleasing, but it’s not real life. And it’s not something that should make you feel bad about yourself. We are all flawed. We are all doing the best we can, and NONE OF US are doing it all.

We are just doing the best we can and praying that it’s enough.

If you are struggling today, I see you. You are worthy. You are enough. You are AMAZING.

Love to you all!

xoxo

 

Comments

  1. I love your posts. I am well past the “children” stage and into the “empty nest” stage but I can feel all these emotions, so real all over again. If I could give anyone any advice, it would be to enjoy their children while they are in your home.

  4. My daughter has 7 blessings; 4 girls & 3 boys ages 12 – 3! What ypu wrote abt definitely something that she has had to grow into!

  6. Do you realize how awesome you are? When I first started reading your blog, many years ago (when you only had Harper and Sadie), I was really into scrapbooking. I idolized your scrappy style. The more I read about you and your family, the more amazing I thought you all where. Here we are many years later and I still think you’re amazing. I also think you are extremely humble if you don’t think you are anything other than amazing.

  7. THIS is just one of the reasons I love you and know we would be besties!!! Thank you for such an articulate permission slip to NOT have to be everything at the same time . What a gift.

  8. Love this. It’s 1000% true of everyone. The “influencers” are just hiding it and harming the readers with false expectations. Thanks for sharing this

  9. Stumbled on this piece this morning, and I REALLY needed to read this. So many thank you’s.

  10. Love your real life attitude…..and honesty…..so much love! keep doing what your doing from the smiling faces it seems to be working!

  11. And you’re a great writer/communicator. (I see that Cora was into it!) Happy Monday.

  12. I’m on the precipice of the empty nest but I can still remember and relate to all of this. There may be more me time when the youngest goes off to college this Fall but I will never begrudge a single dirty pile or a bedtime snuggle and read with my boys, You absolutely have your priorities straight!

  13. Thanks for this! I struggle between spending time with my baby boy and trying to keep the house from being a complete disaster.

    I can’t believe how big Sadie looks in this photo! She’s definitely not a baby girl anymore!

  14. I will always think that you are amazing, humble and most of all kind and the mother I wish I had been more of 30+ years ago.

    Add to this that you are a military wife of a husband fully invested in a career that uproots you often and doesn’t allow you to settle in one place for more than a few years. PCS’ing to both foreign and domestic bases is a huge upheaval and to do it with a family of 7 is a constant lesson in diplomacy and grace.

    As others have said, I wish I lived by you because you would be a friend that I would treasure.

  15. I am with you on all points! Martha Stewart I am not. I do raise my voice more than I would like sometimes. I don’t always have all the dishes cleaned and put away. My bed is not made every day. There may be stickiness on my kitchen counters. I don’t have enough hours to do it all. So, I must choose where my focus goes…Last night? I did a mini spa with my girls – fingernails, toenails, a facial that included cucumber slices on their eyes. They loved every minute of it (they are 5 and 8 years old)! I had a great time listening to them ooh and ahh over everything and then erupt into crazy giggles as the cucumber slices kept falling off because they were sneaking peeks at each other. THAT is what we will remember – not the fact that there were still dishes in the sink 😉

  16. Bravo!!!! I adore the honesty and your beautiful words! We are enough…we can’t do it all…its ok to not do it all…love our flaws…recognize that tomorrow is a new day to try again…and finally show your love and accept love from your family! God is good.

  17. Love this picture of you and your little flock of chicks. Hope the ceremony went well — congratulations to your husband!

    And as to what you wrote: Amen, sister! I only have ONE chick and my house is a disaster half the time. I can either have some time to myself after work or on the weekend, or I can have a clean house. I may or may not have had to move aside a pile of dirty laundry yesterday in order to snap an acceptable Instagram picture of the book I was reading. #priorities ha, ha

  18. Absolutely!!! You have spoken my truth as well as countless others. Here is to coffee, knowing bras are uncomfortable, wine, good parenting skills and trying to keep the priorities straight. Our kids will remember we were there for them, no matter what else we did. They will also know friends are important, taking walks, laughing, letting off steam and being our authentic selves.

    Waving from Massachusetts!

  19. You write so well! Thank you for being able to put it into words and share your heart. So encouraging

  20. Yes! Love you and this post. Our bedroom has a constant pile of laundry, because I would rather sleep then sort, and our floor is full of toys as the boys love to play together, (90% of the time).

    Keep up that beautiful smile.

    xoxo to all.

  21. this post is why I love reading your blog! You are truly amazing and know what is important in life…..live it! Thank you.

  22. Thank you for being so real ALL the time! You are amazing!! I just love what you share. Thank you for being a woman that continues to build up other women! We all need to be that for each other!!

  24. Beautifully said, Stephanie! Thank-you!
    Now, where’s that prosecco you were talking about… 😉

  25. Thanks for sharing this… needed to hear it. I second everything that Jen said above too 🙂
    I am also a long time follower / admirer… I think you are an awesome amazing mama and I truly appreciate hearing your honest words and take them to heart. Thanks for sharing pieces of your real life with us.

  26. I am with you!
    I take life day by day. That is my mantra.
    Oh and “All Will Be Well in the End” cause it usually is 🙂
    But things somehow always get done. Maybe not when I’d like it to happen. But eventually!

    And for the record, your post that inspired me to blog again? I am on my third post this month already.
    I forgot how good it feels to blog just for me. 🙂

  27. If our paths ever cross, be it Norfolk or New York, I’ll bring the wine and you bring the books!

  30. This put a huge smile on my face this morning, thank you. I was just discussing this with girlfriends, and we came up with the exact same answer. And I can certainly relate to the laundry and pikes of stuff :). On another note, I see you are in VA now, not to far from where I am in MD. Hope you are enjoying this part of the country!

  31. Beautifully said. You, my friend, are amazing. None of us ever have it all together all of the time. It would be so fun to sit down and talk to you over coffee or prosecco. The boy is begging for a trip to VA to scope out as many historical spots as possible. It would be so amazing to catch up with you.

  33. You are a beautiful soul Stephanie. I wasn’t blessed with the children I so dearly wanted, I cannot imagine the organization that goes into having five beauties like you have, yours is a beautiful, messy, crazy life, that you are rocking! We are blessed you find time in your day to share with us. Thank you for this.