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Stephanie Howell

reading, organizing, shopping, momming too close to the sun. Home is wherever the Army sends us.

holiday confessions

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i don't even know where our christmas decorations are, they aren't remotely close to coming out of the attic and being put up.

my stockings aren't hung by the chimney with care…there are still pumpkins on my mantel.

i have NO plans for our thanksgiving meal. more than likely we will end up buying something pre-made from fresh market.

i have dreams of bucking tradition and eating out. 🙂

the babies turn one on thursday, i don't have their cakes yet or know where i am getting them.

i just got their birthday presents yesterday.

i'm not doing a december daily, i never have.

i don't have christmas dresses for the girls nor do i have any idea when or if i'll be getting them.

i haven't bought any christmas gifts.

we don't have a photo of all six of us (except for one in the hospital a year ago) so i'm not sure if i'll be doing christmas cards.

i haven't played any christmas music yet (i don't even know that i love christmas music all that much).

i have the ranger ball coming up on dec. 3. i don't have a dress yet, don't have a hair appointment or nail appointment. i don't know when to look for a dress with four kids under five with me all the time.

and here's the big confession? i'm feeling a tiny bit inferior this year.

but that tiny part of me is overshadowed by the part of me that's okay with it. i'm proud we are making it in the day to day.

my girls are happy and healthy, we are all together, we have a roof over our heads and food in our bellies. SO much more than SO many people.

i HAVE a family, I don't need a photo to show me that. christmas is in your heart, not in the stuff. the babies will be okay and won't even know what their cakes look like. i HAVE healthy baby girls that are turning ONE. what a gift! the girls can wear their dresses from last year. jimmy is home again this year, safe with us again for one more year.

it's so easy to get caught up in the have-nots isn't it? the things we don't have or haven't done. when in reality, none of it matters.

perspective is something i'm constantly trying to give myself.

i think today we need to find an angel tree. or give a kiva loan. i need to concentrate less on me and more on others.

the rest? is just the fun stuff. it's not the meat and bones of what life is all about.

the rest will just come together.

isn't it silly what i tend to get caught up in? after looking at this list all typed up…all i could think is WHO CARES?

 

happy tis the season, y'all!

s

Comments

  1. I just have to say – it’s not even thanksgiving! there is no shame in not having your Christmas decorations up!
    I do know the feeling though – I just took down our Halloween decorations on Sunday. And I’m totally skipping Thanksgiving decor this year.

  3. Hey I am right there with you. My big plans for the family dinner this year…Luby’s. Hello to no dishes to clean up. Yes, I feel a bit guilty about it but I just don’t have to the time and energy this year to cook that big meal for 4 people.
    Christmas – I have started shopping a little and I can’t wait to put up that tree for some reason because I am a put up the tree on 12/23 and take it down on 12/26 kind of girl.
    As long as your kids are happy, healthy and clean – who cares if you skip a tradition one year.

  5. I completely get this. We bought a beautiful old home last week and discovered the queen boxspring wouldn’t fit up the stairs and guests coming for Thanksgiving. The moment I tweeted about it, I immediately thought: oh wait, we have a roof over our heads. Boxspring not such a big deal anymore.

  6. um, I’m with you on the decor! I mean, really! you can’t do it all & loving your family is top priority!! happy indeed! xo

  7. i know stephanie…im always needing a dose in perspective. our church is doing a series on their ministry in rwanda. its been a real wake up call to me and j on how selfish we can be.

  9. Pat yourself on the back. YOU have just captured what the holidays ARE all about. Family. Peace. Togetherness. I have followed your blog forever it seems and have always read your posts first. They keep me grounded. A gentle constant reminder of focus and how we MAKE our happiness. This year…happiness for us is NOT traveling a long way and making an extravagant meal. Turkey breast, store bought rolls, Barefoot Contessa’s mac n cheese, and veggies will be on our table. It’s what WE want and what will work for us. Your family is blessed to have YOU. As we all are Stephanie. Happy Thanksgiving to you. Look forward to the post-holiday post-birthday photos of the girls covered in whatever cake you put in front of them. 🙂 God bless.

  10. wow. thanks nikkie.  i LOVE this…
    This year…happiness for us is NOT traveling a long way and making an
    extravagant meal. Turkey breast, store bought rolls, Barefoot Contessas
    mac n cheese, and veggies will be on our table. Its what WE want and
    what will work for us.
    i hope your day is beautiful and blessed! xxo

  11. You do more by 9 a.m. than I do all day!
    But seriously, I hear you. With my husband working and going to school and me working crazy hours my house is starting to look like hoarders (I only have one kid!). Thanks for the reminder, it’s good to remember what is the cake and what is just the icing on the cake.

  13. I agree! I see all the beautiful posts about holiday decor and it makes me want to go crazy…but I decided last year that enough was enough! The holidays aren’t about getting…they are about spending time with the ones you love, enjoying your children, and giving them love and encouragement. No one cares if your bathroom is decorated to the hilt for the holiday! Really?? People remember your hospitality, your friendship, the things that really matter. We just moved about 7 months ago and I’m just barely getting to know people, so I am so grateful for my beautiful family. We support each other and have become so much closer in the past few months. I will however, be hosting Thanksgiving here…with the trimmings…you can come if you want…we’re only an hour away!! Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family…however you spend it!

  14. Enjoying your family together is more important than all the other “stuff” isn’t it? I was feeling a bit overwhelmed with all the “stuff” but a few gentle reminders, including this one, has given me a fresh perspective. Have a lovely holiday season. 🙂

  16. I was thinking about this the other day, our xmas stuff is in storage in Canada and we’re in the UK this year, there’s no chance I’ll be able to get it shipped but there’s no point buying new; so I don’t know what to do! Your doing a great job with the 4 kids, I have 3 and my husband home on leave till april, the house is STILL a mess, dinners are still quick ones.

  17. what? the twins are turning 1! wow, it seems like you just had them:)
    i totally agree with everything! though, we are having tons of people over on Thanksgiving so we have the place decorated. I love Christmas music but only after Thanksgiving.
    You are right, the twins won’t care about the cake (except to eat it) and the older girls will be fine wearing dresses from last year. I grew up doing that and i think i am ok.
    love your idea to help someone out…i love the Christmas angel tree but i want to do something more personal and different this year.
    do you have a dress that you can wear to the ranger ball in your closet? as for your nails, paint them clear..makes them look finished and it doesn’t show chips;)
    don’t worry you will get it all done!

  19. I so know where you are coming from! I have 2 trees that I put up – one is my gorgeous tree full of peacock feathers and jewel tone ornaments, and the other is our fun family tree. Well, let me tell you, with a 3 yr old and and 18month old, that are crazy and can literally climb walls, we have decided to not decorate either tree. I was so bummed, esp being my 1st year doing a december daily journal, (I envisioned fabulous instagram photos), I cannot hang the stocking on the mantel, blah, blah, blah, but then the other night, sitting with my hubby, with the trees lit, and the kids asleep, I realized, who cares. If there is nothing out for them to ruin, then I won’t yell, so I’ll be a better mom, and they will be happier kids! On the plus side, I’ll give it 15 minutes on boxing day, and my house should be completely dechristmasfied <---my own word!

  23. You are doing just fine – you have a fun,laughter(&a few tears)house full of happy little girls!We’re going to Uncle Bubba’s for Thanksgiving. A little pricey but the buffets are amazing. Seafood, turkey,prime rib & a dessert buffet to die for. I think your priorities are just about right!

  24. Good for you!! When we start to focus on the blessings, we can quickly put into perspective the rest of the little things that can seem so big. Thanks for the reminder!

  27. As a mother of twins and an older son, those first few years with the babies forced me to be relaxed on the holidays. I only put the tree up, but all the other decorations stayed in storage. And thankfully for me, my mother-in-law buys my kids’ xmas outfits each year so I don’t have to ever worry about that. I am grateful that I even have kids, healthy and very happy kids. Years (5 plus years) of infertility treatments, rounds of IVF and money spent, makes me appreciate that they are healthy!! My kids have taught me to relax and just enjoy the moments!! My best advice is just to go with what they want, and usually it isn’t much, kids only need love!! Happy Thanksgiving to your family and Happy Birthday to those precious babies!!!

  29. I have lots of stuff going on this time of year – my oldest daughter’s bday is right before Christmas. I got rid of any over the top stuff a couple years ago, told my kids that we could not do everything, and try and make a little time to concentrate on those that go without this time of year. I don’t do Halloween or Thanksgiving decorations anymore – and I laugh when people make comments about it. Getting caught up in the busy-iness of it all makes this time of year so not fun. So I don’t. And as long as you sing those adorable babies of yours a big Happy Birthday – with a little something to for them to smash and smear all over themselves, that’s all you need. Happy Thanksgiving!

  30. Perfect timing Stephanie…I needed to read this-Perhaps I will just print out all the perfect pictures on Pinterest, and just hang those around the house 🙂 It could work, right????

  33. I am so right there with you! So much in the brain that I’d love to do for the holidays but my time is dedicated to my kids. Sometimes, I look at all of the pretty pics on the web and get loads of ideas that I need to store away for when they are older. I just want to say that you are amazing and doing a great job and thank you for sharing. 🙂

  34. I have been feeling the same way lately Stephanie. Thank you so much for your post, I really needed it this morning. Sometimes it seems everything and everyone you see on the Internet is just so ‘perfect’, or at least that is what they show. I always appreciate how real you are and love you for it! Happy birthday to the twins and have a wonderful thanksgiving with your family!

  37. AMEN sister.
    Love your perspective and i completely agree. it makes my heart sad when i get wrapped up in the craziness of the seasons and invite perfection into my household. i have so much to be thankful for, and the other stuff? it’s not worth it.
    the first christmas was spent in a barn with a king in a manger. and it was perfect.
    xoxoxox

  39. Happy Thanksgiving Stephanie to you and J and your 4 gorgeous girls.I almost didn’t put up a tree last year. I had planned on putting our tree up last weekend but life got in the way. This weekend we are dog and cat sitting for two friends at the same time ( 2 extra dogs, our two dogs and their cat). No tree till after the weekend their cat likes to climb the tree. I don’t know how you manage everything with 4 little ones. The kids will remember how they felt growing up (loved) not if the dishes were always done.Wonderful to have J home one less worry but it must be hard to adjust to having him home as well. I love reading about you and your family and I find you keep me grounded as well with your wisdom. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving hugs Ann

  40. Agree lot with above comments.. stop and breathe.. let’s play.. let flow.. Think of this with others who are expecting babies in Dec. My big 40th Birthday in Dec!!
    Moving party in Jan than worry about having it in dec…
    Dislike Black Friday.. however they move up Thursday.. crazy.. rather no pressure.. other than some can order online with good deals or don’t bother.
    I even told my husband.. worry about my Birthday gift after Christmas.

  45. Interesting post…and you are very self aware of what others must have (ie. your list) but I gave up on most of that (except for the food part) when I realized I would always be too far from home (from my parents) to really do up Christmas. But as the kids got older they insisted on a tree (which they helped cut down), and then we started putting outdoor lights up, and then they insisted on specific presents, and well, we sort of now look like the neighbors. All because of the kids, and their insistence. It sort of evolves. And then it’s too late to turn back. And then it goes in reverse. Our senior neighbors stopped with the outdoor lights this year. They stopped with the cookies. They now visit the grandchildren instead. Sigh.

  47. Friend, you have it ALL RIGHT, none of it matters AT ALL!
    We never even get up the tree until December and we only decorate a tree and the mantle….and my girls never have had CHristmas dresses but a couple of times in the last 10-13 years.It’s all good, as long as you are all together, that’s ALL that matters. I LOVE your heart, I love your joyful spirit.
    and I CANNOT believe those baby girls are going to be ONE already!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    xoxo
    tara

  48. Thank you for being normal, and being honest even to share that! Happy birthday wishes to your sweet girls, and in this season of too many “expectations” about things other than the One whom we are to be most eagerly expecting, may you experience fully God’s richest blessings: love, home, and the gift of His Son. Thank you for all the laughter (and tears, on occasion) that your story-filled posts have brought into my life this year. God bless you, Stephanie. 🙂
    Carmen.

  51. People are nuts and probably goaded into it, in a way, by the retail stores and radio stations who begin to display Christmas before Halloween. The neighbors across the street have had their exterior lights up and on at night and their Christmas tree. Since the weather was balmy (for upstate NY in November) we put up a string of lights on the garage, but we’re not lighting them at night yet.

  53. Steph … thank you!! Everyone {it seems} has their Christmas stuff up and I’m thinking — WHERE’S THANKSGIVING!?!? Seriously, this is a “thankful post” and right on time for November! 🙂 Thanks for the reality check. 🙂

  55. In a way, the whole holiday thing can be like peer pressure — and just like our teenage years, we have to decide for ourselves who we are and how we want to behave and what is important to us. The twins will not remember their first birthday. So, make it fun for the family in a way that makes sense to you all and try for a cute picture or three to scrapbook. If you don’t want to try to find your Christmas ornaments, see if you can find a table top one and have the kids make ornaments for it. One year when my daughter was two, to the barely hidden horror of my husband and his parents, I bought a pre-prepared Christmas dinner from the grocery store — and everyone admitted that it was just fine. (Thank you, Lord!!!) Don’t worry about the small stuff . . . and it’s almost all small stuff. 🙂 We’re with you, Stephanie!

  59. *hugs*
    Your posts are always inspiring:) I love how honest you are about how you’re feeling, and all of the things going on around you. It’s incredibly refreshing.
    I’m sure everything will fall into place for the holidays; that’s just the magic of the holidays. And if its not ‘perfect’ then you’ll just have fun memories and stories to remember it by. As long as you have love in your heart and your babies around you, you’ll always have the holiday magic.
    I’ve been meaning to tell you how incredible I think it is that you’ve raised your girls to be as kind as they are. I don’t think that’d emphasized enough; kindness. And I only hope to be that successful of a mom when I have babies.
    Love and hugs.

  60. Good for you! I wish I could say who cares to my list of holiday plans. You certainly have helped me to get a little bit closer.
    I say get 2 cupcakes for the twins’ birthday. And 2 cupcakes for the bigs too.
    Tell Harper and Sadie it’s there responsibility to decorate the tree this year with ornaments they make. This way you don’t have to dig anything out. Besides, my guess is Lucy and Cate would have a field day with the boxed up ornaments judging by your posts about their mobility.
    I know I am not alone when I say I wish we could help you get some time to go look for a dress. Are any of the other wives around the same size? Perhaps a play date/dress swap might work.
    No matter what, I know it will all come together. Your head and heart are in the right place. HAPPY holidays to you!

  61. I TOTALLY always get YOU, you always make sense, aren’t judgmental, are down to earth, know what’s important to you and stick to your values, and that I can relate to!
    hey, btw, we were watching a show on National Geographic last night and I was thinking J might have been on it because my hubby said there was a Howell on there before I started watching it, but then he never came back on. Could it have been your J? it was 2007 Afghanistan Green Berets….??! I recorded the one that came on after it I think it’s about Iraq….tara

  63. Loved this post but this hit home with me the most “i HAVE a family, I don’t need a photo to show me that. ”
    For months I’ve been thinking/pinning cute ways to announce our pregnancy of our third son and then I thought about having to take those cute creative pictures and would break out in hives. So yesterday after a blessed doctor’s appointment were we learned that he is just perfect I decided that what was “me” was snapping an instagram picture of the ultrasound picture that I couldn’t stop staring at posting that on Facebook and my blog. And it was just perfect.
    I’m learning more and more (baby steps) that its OK to be comfortable with what works for me and not be caught up in the hoopla of it all.
    This Halloween we didn’t put out a single decoration and my boys had just as much fun as the other years. I really think Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday because its about reflection and gratitude and not the hustle.
    With an 18mth old I don’t see myself putting out too many Christmas decorations. My test is going to be, Do I have to tell him no if he sets his sight on it? If the answer is Yes then in the box it stays. I want to enjoy the holiday season with him and not have our house filled with No’s due to his completely age appropriate exploration.
    Thanks so much for this post today it was so nice to read and find connection.

  70. Is it not acceptable to still have pumpkins on the mantle? Oh well…I have them on both of mine and will at LEAST through Thanksgiving.
    I’m all about being simple and enjoying the little things and your girls definitely won’t care. One year my husband was in the hospital for 2 weeks over Christmas and my daughter’s first birthday. Neither of my kids knew any better because it was all about our (my) attitude during it all. Not saying I wasn’t breaking down alone, but I tried really hard to be positive. They were still happy and knew they were loved and we focused on Daddy coming home. The Christmas hoopla is completely overrated in my opinion. Less is more.
    Take care and good luck finding a dress for the ball!

  71. I like that every single one of our holidays is different, depending on the ages of the children and time (there’s never enough). I like that, I don’t like the same things every single year. I learned to let go last year because both my kids were sick for a week each, back to back. So for two weeks in December we couldn’t do anything anyway…I let go and it wasn’t so bad. When both kids were finally better, we took at drive (I’m sure a lot of towns have these) to the Lights on the Lake (drive through light experience) and dinner. It was the best night of the month for me. It was all of us spending time together at dinner and then in the car and it was better than anything we did that whole month. I made a reminder note (and just read a few minutes ago) not to over plan, just to go with what feels good that day and don’t beat yourself up over what you can’t do.

  72. This is a wonderful post and reminder of what is really important. Thank you for keeping it real!
    We have never met but reading your blog and seeing the pictures of your beautiful and happy girls, you are doing a great job at juggling it all and holding your family together. As you say, in the grand scheme of things that’s what counts and not whether you find the perfect birthday cake, etc.

  73. I feel ya Steph. There seems to be so much pressure on keeping up with DD’s and photo cards and perfectly decorated birthdays and holiday dinners. You seem to know what’s important and that’s all that matters.

  74. I like twinkle lights, too. Shine on!
    The lights my husband (who never buys himself anything) got are LED and have a remote control (genius marketing to guys, no?) and 14 different color-changing patterns. There is one that is red, white, and blue and we joked that we’ll set them to that for the 4th of July. 🙂

  75. I so appreciate your honesty, this will be our 2nd year without decorations/tree/or any kind of order. And I am okay with that, usually. I’m not necessarily worried about what other adults think, but have put pressure on myself to have “traditions” for the kids. They don’t seem concerned 🙂 Thank you for the gracious reminders about what is truly important.

  76. Thanks for sharing your heart. I believe that as a society we are missing the ability to offer others AND ourselves grace. Don’t think twice about it. Enjoy those babies and store bought gravy. Blessings for an unforgettable holiday season filled with love and joy.

  83. YOU ROCK, STEPHANIE! I don’t have any Christmas stuff done, either. Heck, it’s not even Thanksgiving yet. I would also go out for Thanksgiving, but my kids are bringing home bunches of friends from college — so, I’m cooking. But — they are old enough to help, so that’s cool. I never bought birthday presents for my kids until a couple days before, and I always made a boxed cake (which, frankly, everybody loved). Anyway, they are turning one. Do you have a carton of ice cream and a couple candles? And I hope you have a great time at the ball. Your hair always looks darling, anyway. God bless all of you and I’m so glad you’re all together for the holidays! Hugs! 🙂

  85. THANK YOU to the moon and back, to the furthest star and back, and to my heart to years….THANK YOU. I started out feeling wonderful about being relaxed about everything and then POOF, today felt stressed because of seeing all those crazy Black Friday ads which I don’t want to do anyways, but them being out there just makes ME go crazy and feel discontent right after I thought had it all together to NOT be discontent. Even doing crafts with the kids stress me out, make me want to do more, etc etc. Trying to get a family day for just us Friday but again- wanted Turkay, sweet potatoe pie, etc, just for our family, after Thanksgiving, but why? I guess to make tradition, but it meant my poor guy had to go out tonight for me because I was sore and exhausted with my fibromyalgia. And here, I probably don’t make ANY sense, I’m just rambling… LOL…..just know you really said some words that HELPED. and made me release some much needed tears. i just held a yelling fest at my middle child because he has been so hard to deal with today. I feel badly about that. he said he loves me thought several times…he’s a great boy, just a kid. God forgive me for all my mistakes…I made MANY today.

  89. Oh, is there anything we can do to help? Your blog posts bring me such joy each day, I would love the opportunity to do something for you.

  90. Yep, it’s easy to fall into a trap of sweating the small stuff, but that’s just what it is…the small insignificant stuff. Who says you must have Christmas dresses? Your pocket book and environment will benefit to wear last Year’s dresses! Fresh Market probably makes an excellent Thanksgiving meal…take the day to just bee with your family instead of cooking all day. Who cares if the stocking are hung today or two weeks from now. Heck, hang them on Christmas eve!
    There’s a great website you should visit called zero waste. Google it…I don’t have address memorized. Anyway, we discovered this blog/family earlier this year and it has been life changing! It’s about ridding yourself of the trappings of stuff and excess that burdens you. At first I was quite skeptical and thought this family radical hippies! It’s just their ideas are quite different and take some thinking about. Anyway, we have simplified our lives dramatically getting rid a a lot of excess, donating lots and lots of things and we’re going forward

  94. With a different outlook. We’re saving money, we’re making an environmental impact and we haven’t put our trash can on the curb since July 11th! We shop at Whole Foods and buy lots of foods in bulk (we bring our own reusable Ball jars) and buy milk in bottles. It’s a work in progress since you can’t incorporate these changes over night. And some you may not wish to do at all. The great part is, anything you do end up doing, makes an impact.

  95. i hear ya – i am finding it hard to get into all prep/details/etc that i usually love…and there are lingering pangs of guilt because of it 🙂 but you are so right – those aren’t the things that make holidays great. thanks for the reminder 🙂

  99. Hey, don’t worry. We still have our Halloween decorations up. And it’s not even time for a Christmas tree yet…at least not until after Thanksgiving. I personally find it annoying that all of the stores are already playing Christmas music and have trees up. And to help with gifts…every year I give Shutterfly books to my family. They LOVE them. I do a year in review book for everyone (one book not ten different ones). I used the free path books this year and it was AWESOME. I got ten gifts done in one day. I guarantee a book like that will be more priceless to your family members than say a sweater 🙂

  102. we don’t do Thanksgiving in Holland, so don’t worry. Tell everyone who bugs you about this that there is some Dutch ancestry in your genes!

  103. Amen! The important stuff isn’t in the ‘stuff’…and besides…I know you will get done the stuff you need to…you are amazing! 3 cheers for you! Blessings!

  108. I promise you…one day you will look back on these days in your beautiful life and you will be overcome with such a wonderful joy knowing…believing…accepting just how very BLESSED you truly were. Even on the days where you feel less than…or could do more than…or want more than. You’ll realize you already had it all.you were already doing your best, being your best and it was MORE than enough. It took my dad’s unexpected death 7 years ago to jolt me into the awesome reality that is my life. Surrounded by my loved ones. Happy and healthy. Perfect? Absolutely not. No way. No how. Not even close. But it’s all I want. It’s all I need. I no longer fixate on making every single detail of everything just perfect and truth be told IM LOVING IT! sure I still go overboard on some things 😉 but no matter how big I plan something…I’m happy with whatever part I actually accomplish! However “little” it ends up being! Oh I’m so much happier and relaxed this way. I guess what I’m trying to say is to be content with the what IS. And yours looks beautiful from the outside looking in…promise :). *E*

  114. what matters is what’s inside your home. i agree with everything you said. you have a beautiful and healthy family. you are so blessed. looking at your little babies’ photos makes me want to have twins myself (to my husband’s horror! haha)!

  116. Definitely a similar feeling-we came home from visiting my family and I was thinking so much about the “who I didn’t see” and “I didn’t spend enough time with…” that I cried. I missed the point that I got to see some people like my aging grandmother, and if even just for a little bit, let her know how much she meant to me. I put up our decorations today, and had my daughters help me… they are 16 and 13. The years go by so quickly, it’s easy to get caught up in that feeling you describe, but we are blessed!! 🙂 Sending you hugs, continued smiles and peace!! 🙂 Happy holidays! 🙂

  118. I know I’m late to the conversation (such is my life)…but I think I needed to see this. I admit that I get frustrated with what we don’t have or can’t do, but in reality we have all we need and more.
    Happy belated birthday to the twins!