i’ll admit it.in the past i’ve fallen into the trap.
you know that trap…the one of self doubt regarding my photos.
the trap of thinking that i need to NEVER USE A FLASH!
and that photos i use on layouts need to be amazing. that they shouldn’t be grainy, or composed wrong. and that if my photos don’t have a certain level of perfection i shouldn’t share them. or scrap them.
it’s ridiculous.
below i see my husband meeting his daughter for the first time. i see me telling j that we’ve had a baby girl. i see generations and the love they share. i see so much i could have missed if i waited for the perfect shot. i see love. period.
who cares that they are blurry. who cares if they are grainy.
i do not have time to get my camera on the perfect setting before i take every.single.photo. hopefully one day i will, but today i do not.
sometimes i say screw it and USE THE FLASH. sometimes i SHOOT ON AUTO! GASP! but i’m sorry, when i have a million kids doing a million things at once, and i have ONE second to take one photo…sometimes it’s on auto. shock and horror!
sometimes i use my iPhone. sometimes i don’t have a camera at all. b/c i think it can come between me and living. i want to live the moment…experience it. so sometimes i don’t have a camera at all.
i am not a professional photographer. i’ve never claimed to be, nor do i ever have a desire to be one. i really don’t know how to use PSE.
my snapshots are just that. snapshots. my life is not beautiful and crisp all the time. sometimes it’s messy. and composed wrong. and blurry.
i don’t want to have to edit all of my photos.
and i’ve gotten to the point that i’m okay with that.
because the heart of my photos is there. the love is there. the emotion.the ties. the affection. these ARE perfect to me.
i’d rather have a million messy photos documenting US than hundreds of perfect photos.
i’m not going to get caught up in it anymore.
you want to know something crazy? i don’t think i’ve scrapbooked any of these photos!
photography truly interests me. but now isn’t the time for me to learn how to do it the way i wish i could do it.
i’ll leave the professional quality photos to the professionals. no more pressure on myself to learn how to be an outstanding photographer.
i’ll admire others that are outstanding photographers, and i’ll keep attempting to keep documenting our story in an outstanding way that is realistic for me.
whew! i feel better already. 🙂
eta: this post is not meant as a “oh, woe is me, please tell me i’m fabulous” type of post. it’s a stream of consciousness post about my thought process regarding my photography as just a mom, not a pro. these are thoughts i had yesterday when i came upon the first image of me holding the phone and telling J we’d had a baby girl. i realized how much i loved that photo, even though it was not “technically” a good photo.
this post is about the fact that it doesn’t matter. just like i don’t believe anyone will be scrutinizing my pages one day looking for “the visual triangle” i don’t believe anyone will care, or notice, that i used a flash. 🙂
xoxo
s