it’s funny how we deal with things, isn’t it?
for example…we spend a year being scared for our husband’s life. for what he is seeing. we cry for the men lost. for their families at home. we watch them on the news, with white knuckles and tears in our eyes. we see them in the papers…we hear about how they are in “death valley”.
we go to eight memorial services over that year. each time, losing a little piece of our heart.we hear them call that soldier’s name, and we know that that boy will never be able to answer back. we hear amazing grace and we wonder if that will be us standing there without a husband next time.
and then he was home.
and i treasured it. but felt guilty that so many weren’t.
and then i pushed it in a little box in a back of my heart and smiled.
didn’t think much about that year i spent with the blinds always open in my living room. you see, i didn’t want to be surprised when they pulled up and told me J was gone.
i wanted to be ready.
nothing prepared any of us for this year. nothing. not all of our previous deployments, not our strength or our faith. nothing could have prepared us for this.
but i put it in a box with a yellow bow on it. and pushed the box into the back of my heart.
and then a couple of months ago, we had our very first FRG meeting here at fort benning. the commander started talking about casualty notifications, and protocol..
and i came the closest i’d ever come to a panic attack.
i had to make myself breathe. i had to count. pray.
and then i thought “where in the world did that come from???”.
it was remnants of that year. they will be there for a long time.
i’ve allowed myself to slowly start looking at photos from that year.
all photos by adam ferguson.
and my heart broke in a million little pieces. and that box with the yellow bow came out of my heart, and opened up.
for what all of those guys did that year in the valley. they are the strongest men i will ever have the privilege of knowing. and for the ones that didn’t make it home…my heart will mourn and remember them always.
i think we need to not grow numb and immune to things that are happening this very moment. this is going on every day.
it’s like life is a bubble. and if you don’t have a loved one serving, it’s hard to “get it”. i know that. i know that it’s a whole different way of life that is foreign to many people.i understand sometimes it’s easier just not to think about certain things, especially things that don’t really enter your inner circle…
but please
please pray for these guys/women and their families.
support them in any way you can.
don’t just say “i support the troops”…do something to prove it. write a letter. send a package. say thank you to someone you see in uniform.
b/c what they go through, though it is “what they signed up for”, is harder and more vivid than you could ever imagine.
even when they come home. especially when they come home.
as for me…i’m going to stop trying to forget that year, and start remembering it instead. it made me a better person, a better believer. and it happened. trying to forget it won’t help.
sorry for the serious post, it was just something that was on my heart.
hope you all have a beautiful Tuesday. xo