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Stephanie Howell

reading, organizing, shopping, momming too close to the sun. Home is wherever the Army sends us.

busy.


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This is the time in my life when I am ridiculously busy.

Everyone I know is ridiculously busy. It’s the season of carpool lines, sports, ballet, gymnastics. It’s the season of “blink and you’ll miss it”.

There are grocery trips, loading the girls in and out of the car 293480238 times a day. There’s the neverending picking up and putting away.

The cleaning itself is a constant battle I can NEVER win. I feel like I run the dishwasher 91382048 times a day.

To do lists, notes from school, coupon cutting, budgeting, forgetting to budget, stressing, more laundry, kissing scrapes and wiping away tears.

Breaking up fights, making up beds, picking up barbies.

Sometimes I feel like Jimmy and I are ships passing in the night. A bump here, a nudge there.

A silent grin or grimace over the heads of the girls…a telepathic conversation might be the best we get until they are all in bed.

Falling into bed at the end of the night because we are just.so.tired. Waking up with little bodies climbing all over us, just as tired as we were the night before.

And guess what?

This does not make us special.

EVERYONE IS BUSY.

It doesn’t mean you are better or more important than someone else because you are busy.

Here’s when I think busy becomes a problem.

When it becomes a badge of honor. When it makes you treat others in an unkind way.

When you use it as an excuse to not make eye contact and not interact.

When you use it to make yourself sound important.

EVERYONE IS BUSY.

It is a gift. It means you’ve been given LIFE.A full-to-the-brim life. A life that doesn’t stop.

A few years ago we had a neighbor. I really liked her. She was loud, outgoing, and funny.

I soon realized that every single time I saw her she’d tell me how busy she was.

Once at the grocery store as I opened my mouth to talk to her? She RAN by me with her cart yelling “sorry! I’m SO BUSY!”.

Every time I saw her on her street, she’d bustle by…the words “I’m so busy!” wafting on the breeze.

And you know what? It made  me feel unimportant.And it was rude.

I stopped trying to talk to her.

Another friend I knew a few years ago constantly backed out of every plan we had.

She’d call the day of or text…saying she was just too busy to make it.

Over and over.

It made me feel insignificant.

I stopped asking her.

People glorify busy.

They use it as an excuse to cut you off in traffic. In line.

To talk on their cell phone all the way through checkout…with no eye contact, no thank you.

You see…they’re busy.

“Busy” can be a power trip in a funny way. As if the busier you are, the better mom you are? As if telling people constantly how busy you are makes you sound super important?

Listen here. We are all busy.

But life is too beautiful to be spent running by,yelling you are busy, making someone feel insignificant.

Life is busy.

And beautiful. And sometimes you have to MAKE yourself sit down (right in the mess of it) and enjoy it, instead of picking it up.

It is always worth it to stop and have a conversation with someone. It is always worth it to look at your children when they are talking to you. And to respond.

It is always worth it to get off the phone and say thank you.

Your busy-ness? Does not make you better or different. It gives us something in common. It makes you like every other woman, man, parent, adult out there.

It’s not an excuse or a badge or a medal.

It’s life.

S

 

 

Comments

  5. So true in the land of Oz as well. We were fortunate a month ago to sell our 7 day a week, 15 hour a day business and I am so relieved to say I am NOT busy! Well, not as busy as I was!! The kids are even having our winter off from sport so we can just catch up on being together and you are so right, my dishes are just going to have to wait sometimes. Best wishes for all you’ve got going on right now and I hope that you get to enjoy your last months in R.I. I have loved sharing this last year with you in this small way.

  6. Thank you! Common courtesy and kindness have fallen victim to “busy” and it needs to stop. You have once again written a beautifully heartfelt, articulate post.

  8. I beleive we will all be busy forever! lol This was such a wonderful post. The other day this woman was complaining about how busy she was and I smiled. She said “oh you don’t get it you are single and no kids”! Ha I thought about ranting after her and jabbing her with well you have a nanny and a maid so what else do you do? But I bit my tounge and smiled and said “wow when did being busy be something that some people are better at than others” Have a good busy day! Ugh. Tires is another response when asked how someone is doing. Just smile say fine thank you…and yourself? Love your blog. Grace xoox

  13. You’re preaching to the choir here! Life is busy & happy & fun & wonderful. I’m still busy – sometimes I wonder how in the heck I did all I used to do. But just because you’re busy doesn’t mean you can’t read a book to your children just because they asked, or go outside to see the funny cloud shapes in the sky, or just stop & really listen. I really don’t like seeing people in a check out line or restaurant on their phone. Last night we were out to dinner & everyone at the table next to us(kids included) spent the entire time on their phones. I didn’t see or hear them interact even once. It doesn’t take much time to smile & say hello to people during the day. It may just be what they needed to get thru a very bad day. Okay, I’ll get off my soapbox now – you have a wonderful busy day with your wonderful family.

  15. You described a friend of mine. If I text her I only find out she is in another state. Calling her house always means leaving a message. Well, I had a medical condition for this entire past year. Every store I visited, I refused to chat with the staff. I was grumpy. I can see this now. Could not see it at the time. I was not busy, just in pain. I am hoping to make a greater effort this year. I know there are many others who would love a kind word. I know I would have benefited. I hope to start with my retired neighbors. And then the ones with lots of kids. But then I rarely see them. They are in those school car pool lanes…. 🙂

  17. love these beautiful words! It definitely gives a new perspective to my “busy” life :)….thank you!!!

  18. Amen! Being in the moment is something many forget, myself included…you get it. Thank you for your post, it was very well said.

  19. Thank you for taking the time to write this post. It truly hits home. We have forgotten one thing in society and that is love thy neighbor. You do not need to be a push over, but you can politely tell a person that you have to be somewhere rather than be busy. Before I had moved I to, was a very “busy” person. I am now too, but I am taking the time to talk to people and make that eye contact. Thank you again for writing this.

  21. I totally agree. You even see it in a lot of blog posts & my initial thought is “oh they must have really important things going on” but that is not true just like with my real life friends some people handle “busy” better than others. Great post! I get sick of losing contact with friends because of this or seeing how rude people are because they act like they just don’t have time.

  23. I totally, completely, absolutely agree with what you said in this post. I think it’s important to cherish what good things we have in our lives and not be “too busy” to let people know that they are acknowledged and appreciated. It’s the human experience that needs to be preserved.

  24. This is it! So it! I am glad you said it out loud. I am happy to be busy. So busy with my job, so busy trucking my daughter to all her activities, so busy chasing my grandson around to the point of exhaustion. I love busy!
    Blessed to be busy. It should be a motto.
    Have a fantastic day, Stephanie!!

  27. So, so true. And tired, everyone is busy and everyone is tired, especially in the mining town we live in where 12 hour working days are the norm. But there is no reason not to smile, take a minute to chat to the checkout operator, the lady in the post office, the mother trying to shop with a trolley full of children. Being kind and taking a moment gives me a breather too, a chance to think about someone else for a moment. It. Life shouldn’t be a competitive sport – being busier than you doesn’t make me more important. My husband and I are planning for our retirement in a couple of years and not being busy is top of our list. Time to grow a garden, read our ever lengthening lists of books and sit in the sun and talk to each other. That is a real life, not rushing here and there doing busywork. As our eldest turns 30 this month let me encourage young mothers to treasure their busy time with youngsters as the years truly do go by so fast. And take a minute to smile at one another as you rush from one place to another 🙂

  29. Thank you!! I was just talking to my girlfriend about this, I was just too busy to write a blog post about it (ha, I’m kidding!!).
    Well said, Stephanie!

  30. GOOD JOB STEPHANIE! As usual, you have hit the nail on the head. I so enjoy all of your posts. Thank you for making us, your blog readers, feel important by taking the time out to write!

  31. So well-written. Perfect. Thanks for sharing this, I feel the same way at times….so insignificant, ignored, run-over and left in the dust. It’s comforting to know I’m not the only one who feels this way! Thank you.

  32. Wow, thank you so much for these words. Thank You. Thank You. Thank You. This is such a good reminder for everybody. A good reminder to remember that common curtsey is so important and so very lacking in today’s world. A good reminder that making some one feel special is so much more important than that pile of laundry waiting to be folded. A good reminder to just so down and enjoy life because it is so precious. Love. This. Post.

  33. Well said!!! I completely agree and although I can easily get overwhelmed with how busy my days seem…I ALWAYS remind myself that I am busy because I have been blessed with 3 kiddos who are happy, healthy and love to play sports, great friends, a large family, a beautiful home and a job…..I am not busy, I am lucky and I wouldn’t want it any other way!

  36. Stephanie, Someone once told me that B.U.S.Y. stood for Being Under Satan’s Yoke. It really made me stop and take stock of exactly what I was so B.U.S.Y. with. You are right, a life full-to-the-brim is a BLESSING (and that is different from being B.U.S.Y.!)

  37. This is so true! I never really thought of it like this before, but it makes so much sense!

  39. Word. It is amazing how far you can go to making someone smile just by making eye contact and saying hello and how are you (and meaning it) to the people you meet each day.

  43. Stephanie, I love this! I love that you wrote this and sent it out into the world…it is SO true. I’ve thought this over and over again and am glad I’m not alone. I’m a military wife also, and I find the older I get the harder it is to make new, good quality friendships with people, because they are always too busy and it becomes exhausting! I mean I get it, we’re all busy, but if I can find time for you, it would be really nice if you could find some time for me, and not just when you need something from me! I think so many people get wrapped up in thinking that commenting on your Facebook is cultivating a friendship with you, but its just not.

  44. AMEN! when DID it become a contest to see who could be busier? 🙁 its so sad! thanks for keeping it real!

  45. So so so true, i never am too busy to talk to someone i meet, in fact i love being out and about bumping into friends/neighbours. That said i probably talk more than everyone i know LOL.

  46. I couldn’t have said it better, I admire you and I relate to you, I love your post, your family is beautiful!

  48. Amen…..so true….look at your kiddos and listen…amen to all of your wise words!

  49. In my family we have a phrase that started off as a joke, but now we say it in truth, “we’re all busy.” I have a family member who is always lamenting about how busy she is and uses it as an excuse to eschew responsibilities. Last time I saw her she was going on and on, as usual, and I just blurted out “we’re all busy” and she stopped talking (for once)! Extreme I know, but I, like you, and tired of people using busy as an excuse to be rude or superior. My other pet peeve is people thinking they’re so self-important they don’t need to treat others (and the possessions or others) with respect… I guess sort of in the same vein. Anyway, thank you for your post! I loved it!

  50. Thank you for this. Sadly I think sometimes I’m the person being avoided from having said “too busy” one too many times. I’m learning to see it differently.

  51. So well said. I used to love it when someone would be-little my plans because they were so “busy!” Case in point– I was attending an all day crop and the conversation with said individual went like this:
    Very Busy Person: How long is this event?
    Me: 10-10
    Very Busy Person: That’s 12 hours
    Me: Yes it is
    Very Busy Person: Well it must be nice to have that much time on your hands
    Me: Yes, yes it is. I don’t do it often so it is nice to choose to take the time once in a while to enjoy something I love.
    That was the part she didn’t understand. You can choose to be so very busy all the time or you can choose to enjoy things and perhaps let the beds remain unmade or the dishes stay in the sink for a day.

  52. This is so profound. I am participating in Ali Edwards’ One Little Word, with my intention for April being “Love is Kind.” Your words showed me another way of being kind.
    Also, this reminded me of what a guest speaker we had at a retreat once said. We as a society tend to respond to people asking “how are you?” with “I’m very busy.” She said what if instead of responding with “I’m busy,” we say “I’m blessed.” It forces us and other people to look at their life differently, and allows us all to see beauty and joy and love.

  53. being busy is highly overrated. enjoy the little things, some day they will prove to be the things that really mattered but you were too busy to notice. And by you I don’t mean you, but just anyone. Why do we always need shocking things to wake us up and slow us down? Why do these wake-up calls only last a short time? Do we mix up being happy with being busy? And shouldn’t we put a stop to being busy if we’re no longer happy?

  55. you just said everything I feel!!!
    thank you 😉
    i hate when people wear their business as a badge of honor…..like they are more important. Just like you said! Wish I could just copy and paste this as a post on my blog 😉

  57. Thank you for this post. Man, it felt like you were talking directly to me in this post! Not that I’m one of those ‘too busy for you’ people, but like you said, having friends that are ‘too busy’ to talk, make plans, get together, etc etc etc. It gets frustrating. And I never really thought about it til this post but you hit the nail right on the head – when someone keeps doing this to you it DOES make you feel insignificant. Like you are never important enough to say hi, take a couple hours to hang out, whatever. We’re all busy. It kind of goes along with the ‘I have more kids than you so I’m more busy than you’ comments. Always frustrated me. Everyone’s life is different, everyone has different stresses to deal with. It doesn’t make you better or worse, just different.

  58. Oh my goodness, it’s like you crawled into my head and read my mind. I couldn’t agree more! I remember before I had my son that I felt so busy -now I look back and wonder what I did with all my time. 🙂
    It’s also interesting to me that in my industry (which is outside of the crafty world)in today’s economy, telling someone that you are busy is considered a huge accomplishment that should be celebrated. There are a lot of companies going out of business and laying folks off because business has dropped significantly in the last 5 years. However when people say they are busy when it comes to their personal or home life, it’s always said in a negative way. I prefer to think of it is as a bonus in all parts of my life. I love your phrase “full-to-the-brim life” – that so perfectly captures it! We all have the same 24 hours in a day!

  60. A – freakin – MEN!!!!!! Agree wholeheartedly. Also found it annoying when I didn’t have a kid and people tried to tell me try we’re so much busier than my childless self. Untrue.

  62. well said! and you just read my mind! … BLINK! i have my second child graduating in 2 months.. and i love the ride!

  63. You are so right! I know someone who is constantly telling me how busy she is and then goes on to give me every little detail of how busy she is. I can’t be rude but what I really want to say is “So do you want a gold star? Why are you telling me how busy you are as if I’m sitting around eating bonbons?” As always thank you for brightening my day with your blog.

  67. Amen! You have no idea how much this applies to me. Due to health reasons ( and the last 2 years, serious surgery and health reasons), I cannot keep up with people much anymore. I always did everything with and for everyone, partaking of everything that I could with everyone that I could. Now, they’re all too busy to call and ask how I am, or offer a drive to do an errand. This is not the world I was brought up in. I would never cut someone off because I was busy and they were living a different life. I was brought up to make time for all friends and family, and offer help before someone asked.
    I hear this too much! sometimes the words are not even spoken, but the person’s absence speaks volumes.
    With your permission, can I have a copy of this? and if I email it to some friends for food for thought of course, would you like your name on the bottom? They are not blog readers, they’re too busy!
    Thank you.

  68. You put this so perfectly, Stephanie. It goes hand-in-hand with a reading from my yoga class yesterday about being present, in the moment, and enjoying what’s around you. Thank you!

  69. It really is this…badge of honor…especially on Facebook. That drives me insane. But, of course, one has time to post all the busyness. Lol. Grrrr. I’m trying to go against the flow….being still in His presence can bring rest and peace..that’s what I want for my family. Even tiny moments of just being, you know?

  71. This happened to me at church, of all places, the other day. I really needed one of the other moms coming out of bible study after it was over to sit for 5 min. in my car with my sleeping baby while I took L. into the potty. She really had to go. So, I asked one of the girls who was parked next to me when she came out to her car if she was in a hurry. Before I even got my simple request out of my mouth, I got this long story about how she was in a major hurry and had to rush off. So, I hauled the sleeping babe out of car seat and woke her up so big sis could potty. It was such a good reminder to me to stop and look around and observe my surroundings to see if I can help someone out.
    Preach on Sista Steph!

  74. LOVE THIS!! Well written and so true!! We have a family with 5 boys in our town. They join every sport and the travel sport for that team, constanstly running from one game/practice to another and into other towns for the travel games. Their one son is the same age as our son and they have class together and are on 2 sport teams together. Well this whole family along with the grandparents only talk about how busy their lives are because of all the sports the kids are on so most days all they do is drive and sit then drive and sit again. It’s like they are bragging about it. I finally had to stop sitting by them so I wouldn’t have to hear this at every game.
    I like what Kate above said “blessed to be busy” should be a motto.
    Thanks so much for writing this!! Enjoy your busy day!

  79. I agree 100% with everything you said. Can’t STAND it when people are too busy on their cell phone to even LOOK at the cashier, much less say “thank you”. I also have a friend who is always too busy. Stephanie, she’s RETIRED and has been for 10 years! I’m the one who still works full-time and she’s too busy? She always replies to my texts about 8-10 hours later saying “Argh! Been busy and just now saw your text!” I finally gave up because the friendship felt very one-way. Bravo to people who ignore the dirty dishes and take time to live out loud!!

  83. I am in love with this post. I have been catching myself do this lately and I don’t like. I am making a conscious effort to not use being “busy” as an excuse. I am giving myself deadlines to get things done – not only does it give me a sense of accomplishment, but it helps me feel less busy. If I get my tasks done on time, I can’t use the busy excuse.

  86. Shout it from the roof tops Girl! As a former work outside the home Mom who is now a stay-at-home Mom, I am constantly hearing how busy people are and how it must be nice to have so much time on my hands! Ha! I love my crazy life and am so thankful for it.

  88. You are so spot on with your post. Makes me feel better about the fact that I have people I don’t call anymore either because they were always “so busy”. We are all busy these days but it’s so worth it to just stop for a moment to listen once in a while and to be present in our lives. Thanks so much for your thoughts. 🙂 Have a great day!!

  89. I’ve been saying this for years!!!! It’s laughable when people are like your neighbor. You hit the nail on the head with this one!

  90. I love everything about this post. I linked it in Facebook. The most hurtful thing that was ever said to me “don’t assume that just because I don’t have kids, I am not busy”. That word. Busy. Ugh! Thank you for this!

  91. So true, and as always, you write it in such a relatable, eloquent, heartfelt way. I’m guilty of using busy-ness (i.e. “I gotta run!”) as an excuse not to interact due to social awkwardness and anxiety. But reading this, I’m betting that it often comes across in some of the negative ways you described. I’m committing now to work on this, starting with my next social interaction, my next text from a friend. Thank you for the wise words, Stephanie.

  92. This is quite possibly my favorite post of yours – and that says a lot!! It’s a huge pet peeve of mine how so many people act like they are the busiest people in the world! We all have the same amount of hours in the day and we are only as busy as we allow ourselves to be! It’s so important to remember to make time for the important things!!

  94. I needed this reminder. I haven’t spent enough time with my mom lately, because I am so busy! Yikes – that sounds awful. Going to call her right now and make some plans. Thank you. 🙂

  95. seriously, this is exactly what i needed to hear. RIGHT NOW. thank you. i have been feeling very overwhelmed for the past 5 months and had just about “had it”. i needed to hear this. especially from you. so happy for you and a little envious about the adventure you and your family will be taking to Italy. ciao!

  97. Thank you for this! I have been trying to do soak up every second of every insignificant moment lately. There is an extremely glorifying feeling when you go out of your way to be nice- repeatedly. It will change a person. I love your outlook on life. 🙂

  100. Dear Stephanie,
    I’ve never commented on your blog. This post is so timely, as it has seemed like people have been this way for decades, even before cell phones. If they don’t want to interact or be friendly, there is always an excuse. What is the saying…”What makes your problems more important than someone else’s, they’re YOUR problems”. Well everyone is busy and everyone has problems but that doesn’t give anyone the right to treat people rudely. I’m off my soapbox. Thanks for putting it out there. Maybe we can all learn a lesson from this post.
    Trish

  102. Wow, well said Steph!!! Totally true and such a great message… Gives everyone something to think about! Makes me want to call my friends and make plans to catch up in the midst of our busy lives! 🙂 xoxo

  108. I’m ashamed to admit this post made me cry. I have had the same best friend since I was 6 but lately she is always “busy” We make plans to do something and then at the last minute she will text and say something came up. I’m starting to feel insignificant like you said. We went from talking and texting almost everyday to hearing from each other once every two or three weeks because I no longer feel like texting her or trying to make plans when she constantly cancels. I have two small kids so I know busy and I still try to make the effort. Why? And why am I rambling on in your comments..sorry. Just had to get it off my chest.

  109. Love this. I think I will print it off and hang it up. I will add your credits of course. Oh so true. Love your blog.

  110. OMG, I almost went on my fav msg board to vent about the excuse of being ‘too busy’. It’s not a valid excuse to use! You don’t have 5 mins out of your entire week to say hi? You can’t find 30 minutes to visit? It has caused such a wedge between me and my sister and we stopped talking for a period because she was always ‘too busy’ to get together. She has plenty of time to do other things like waste the day away on pinterest. So I finally took it as a hint, “too busy” means “you’re not worth it”. I stopped trying with her and I think she wonders, ‘what the hell?’ but I now spend my time with friends or cousins that are also very busy but find time to have meaningful relationships. I always drop everything if someone wants to spend time with me.

  111. Amen, Stephanie! You nailed it girl! Funny how I thought my life would slow down when I retired… It seems to have become even busier, although I feel like I accomplish less. Things tend to get done around here if they are important enough. My house is never neat as a pin, but we are content in doing what we do!

  112. I thought this post beautiful. I am so guilty of this myself. Even my step mother doesnt want to ring us because we are *so busy* i do keep saying please, we will definately take the time to stop and spend it with you if you want to visit. We dont mean to exclude people. I am a hermit and do like my own company and that of my family, but a visit from family is always a welcome reprieve from whatever we may be *busy* with

  113. It’s been awhile since I’ve checked in. I always come away inspired by your attitude to your kids and your life. Thanks Steph, this post was a cracker, spot on.
    Steph xxx

  114. Stephanie! I’ve always felt just what you wrote, but haven’t been able to put it into words! I’m so glad you talked about your “busy” friends – I thought that only bothered me!

  115. You know.. I have the same feelings but couldn’t put a finger on it. Thank you for this post!