Top

Stephanie Howell

reading, organizing, shopping, momming too close to the sun. Home is wherever the Army sends us.

15 Confessions on the 15th | November Edition

15 confessions on the 15th


1. I started two half layouts and the first page of an album in the past two weeks. I didn’t finish any of them.

 

2. This time of year terrifies me. These are the days I want to savor most, yet they go the fastest. Where are the days, weeks, months going? They fly. I can’t keep track. And I don’t like it.

 

3. I’m at this weird creative standstill right now. I have so much I want to do. I want to do more with this blog (I’ve had big plans for so long), I want to grow it, offer some things – not all scrapbook related, leave Typepad, go to WordPress, and so much more. And I just don’t have time. I see so many friends and women doing amazing creative things around me. Elise, for example. That girl is my hero. I love her vision, her tenacity, her creative drive, her everything. But I just don’t have the time right now. Or I can’t FIND the time. Will I ever? I don’t know. But there’s so much I want to do and share.

 

4. In many ways I’m the mom I hoped to be and in many I’m not. Luckily I think that the ways I’m not are the ways that don’t really matter. But still. I’m not the mom that ever does my girls hair in cute ways. I imagined braids and bows. Nope, I’m a ponytail girl. If even that. Silly, yes. But still something I think about.

 

5. I just finished Season 1 of Transparent on Amazon. If I thought I loved Jeffrey Tambor from Arrested Development…I truly had no idea how amazing he was until this show. He breaks my heart.

 

6. At least once a day I “lose” my wallet. Every single time it’s in my purse exactly where it’s supposed to be. And every time I can’t find it. And my purse isn’t even that big. I start flapping my hand around like a maniac, digging frantically… and my heart starts pounding and then I find it. Right where it was the last time I used it. Sigh.

 

7. I write things on my left hand as reminders to myself. I realize this is a little weird but I’ve been doing it my entire life. I didn’t even realize it might be weird until I caught myself doing it the other day and said to myself “Self- I don’t think this is something normal people do!”

 

8. I put my coffee pot on the stove without coffee in it all.the.time. And I’m always so confused when only water comes out?!?!?!

 

9. I want to write a series of children’s books about coping with deployments. I envision the books as a mom and her girls going on adventures and becoming stronger+better while daddy is gone.

 

10. Those packages I told you about last month? Haven’t been mailed yet. But they are now in the back of my van and I guarantee I won’t be talking about the post office on next month’s 15 confessions on the 15th.

 

11. J and I are going through a phase where we are watching horror movies. So NOT my thing. I have a blanket over my head the entire time. We don’t really ever watch them, so there are so many to choose from. The other night we watched The Descent. I won’t even tell you how many times I screamed. Seriously scary.

 

12. My hair is so thin. It actually really scares me when I imagine what it will be like ten, twenty, thirty years from now. Do any of you have this problem? Is there anything I can do? I haven’t ever had super thick hair but I lost a LOT with each baby and now it’s so so so thin.

 

13. We have been in this apartment one year and four months and we are STILL putting things up on the wall. We just added this map (saved up for and ordered MANY months ago- it’s just been in a corner) to the wall behind our couch. I LOVE it. We still have many blank walls and bare windows. That’s what the military life does to you, ha!

 

14. We’ve been using Essential oils to try to combat all of the sickies that usually happen around here in the winter. Cate has already been on steroids two times this year for her asthma and I do not want another year like last year (she’d already been in the hospital once by now). I don’t know if oils really work (to be honest, I’m not convinced) but I figure it can’t hurt. She takes Flovent 2x a day, Albuterol as needed, and Cingulair every night. I worry about her a lot. So I’ve been using the diffuser and rubbing oils on her every night. We shall see.

 

15. I know that today isn’t the fifteenth and this is technically “15 things on the 17th” but it took me two freaking days to write this post. HELP!

xoxo

S

 

Comments

  3. The map is super cool. I have on of Nashville like that and love it. confession: I have lived in my house 8 years and still don’t have pics on the wall. Working on that 🙂

  4. Stephanie= You are a hoot! 15 reasons why you are so adorable I’d say! (well maybe 14 because hair loss sucks!, but pony tails rock!)
    Hmmmm, how about 16 reasons why I really rock!!
    Blessings on your day.

  5. I was a total sceptic about essential oils but we have found them excellent for colds, cranky 4 year olds and stressed out Mamas. I have been on an inhaler for the first time since I was 7 as a result of a severe bacterial infection and the haze we get from the forest fires in Indonesia. The EO helped with that too. I totally get your worry about Cate though. Here is hoping she has an easier time of it this winter.

  6. You would totally rock at writing those books someday! 🙂 Elise is, indeed, an inspiring force of nature. I think it might be a bit easier to do what she is doing while living domestically and having one child. It’s so hard not to compare yourself, but try not to. {{{hug}}} If I had four children, I’d be writing things on my hand, too. I have one and my brain is scattered half the time! No one tells you that “new mommy brain” doesn’t go away — Gabi is ten! hahahahahahaha

  7. Don’t be too hard on yourself…you have a LOT on your plate right now. The other things will happen when the time is right.

  8. I have a 16 year old son who is a twin and had asthma for the first 7 years of his life. He was on all the same meds that Cate is on and sounds like her experience is similar to his in many ways. I appreciate how stressful it is for mommy. Just love her through it and stay attentive. My boy outgrew it and I will tell you that tears of joy were shed by both parents when the pulmonologist told us the good news. It’s hard, but it does get better. And for what it’s worth, my boys hardly remembers his hospital experiences and meds. He’s taller than me and he is a long distance runner! I hope this give you some encouragement.

  9. LOVE THIS! #13! We have been in our house for 15 months. I hung up four new pictures in mid-October (at the 14 month mark). Right there with you!
    #12. Oprah had a huge article about thinning hair last month. Let me see if I can find it and send you the link. Or, I can just pull the article out of the magazine and mail it to you. I completely sympathize.
    #9 . I can’t think of ANYONE better to write those books than You, You and You! Oh Steph, please go for it!
    #3. I think about scrapbooking, page layouts, memory keeping all. the. time. Have I don’t anything about it? Nope. I suspect my New Year’s resolution will involve WAY less Facebook and internet time and finally starting my Project Life book for England. Again, I completely sympathize.
    #6. This is me and my phone. Every single flipping day.

  10. I have a friend who takes high dose of BIOTIN, I can personally vouch her hair has changed complete from blah to lots of body !!

  13. Hi Steph – I have the thinning hair issue, too. It is SO depressing!! I found some pics of myself from high school recently and was SHOCKED at how much hair I had back then, compared to now. Mine started around age 32, and hasn’t stopped. First, I thought it was stress. Then hormones/fertility treatments. Then from having babies. Now, they are 4, and it’s STILL happening. About 6 months of the year, my hair goes through a massive shedding cycle. Like, handfulls in the shower. I have had every blood test & hormone test under the sun, and everything comes back normal. Iron levels, thyroid, testosterone…all the normal culprits. I eat plenty of protein, exercise, etc. The only thing I can think at this point, is that it is genetic, from my dad’s side. He’s not bald, but has always had thin, fine hair, and not a ton left at 67. Maybe I inherited some form of female hair loss. Anyway. I do also take biotin, which I highly recommend. It really does work. It doesn’t stop the hair loss, but helps the new hair grow back in faster (and makes my nails grow like crazy!). I also have been using an Aveda conditioner that I love from their Invati line. It’s for thinning hair, but mostly due to breakage. But, it is the only conditioner I have ever found that doesn’t weigh my fine hair down, and also really seems to help it feel thicker. I also tried the Nioxin hair care line for awhile, and really didn’t notice much difference from that. I’ll be following this post to see if anyone else has recommendations. Just wanted you to know you are not alone and it is such a frustrating thing to deal with! Hope you and your sweet family are well 🙂

  14. You are a fantastic mom & should never compare yourself to anyone. How you manage everything you do is a mystery to me. Another vote for Biotin – my daughter Amanda’s hair was getting really thin after her weight loss(65 lbs – still off for a whole year!)& she started taking Biotin with a multivitamin. Her hair looks & feels much better.

  15. #6 is me and my phone all the time! we recently went to London for the weekend and a must have ‘lost’ my phone a million times, every time i wanted to take a photo I had a panic attack that it was gone 🙂 Are you planning on visiting the UK while you are in Europe?

  16. Fun post! I am just like #6! Also with my keys. My husband and kids think I am crazy! They really do. But there are always a hundred things going on that I have to stay on top of, so I do feel like I have the memory of a 100 yr. old half the time! But I can tell you the birth month of most everyone whose birthday I have ever heard, even if I met someone once 10 yrs ago and haven’t seen them sense. So that’s why I can’t find anything and have no sense of direction. At all.
    My hair got thinner with each kid too. I have heard that from so many! Not fair, all we go through with pregnancy and childbirth, and then we have to deal with thinner hair.

  17. Everyone hits this point in their mom career. And, well, I just let go of the expectations. I know a mom who tried really really hard to be the perfect mom. And I have noticed, through the years, she never stops moving. Ever. Not even to read a book. So, I think coming to some sort of reality check, that we only have 24 hours in a day, is actually the solution. And it is stress that makes you forget things. And I think we tend to create stress, all by ourselves. So, been there, done that, and I survived my kids childhood. And of course, you will too. And my hair really improved after I started using shampoo without sulfates. You have to look for it, but it is available even in the grocery stores. I use Aveeno Pure Renewal. I had breathing problems living in LA. We moved, and no more problems. But of course your daughter’s problems are more serious. Never-the-less, there are going to be places to live where she will have fewer problems because the air will be better. And some indoor air is toxic too (my neighbor had this problem). So, trial and error… but certainly ocean air, and perhaps the Pacific Northwest, may help her in her adult years. And once she develops her immune system against all those cold viruses, which takes time, she should also have fewer problems. The Lord’s blessings on all of you during this holiday time of year.

  18. I totally, totally get the creative standstill thing. I feel like I have just lost my sparkle completely during the 9 months my husband has been gone. It is so hard for me to look at IG because I see so many women doing these amazing creative things and then there is me, just trying to survive everyday with 3 little kids and no husband. I know in my brain that I’m not being fair to myself to compare what those women can do and what I can do because our situations are totally different, but it is really hard for me not to feel envious and resentful and disappointed and just sort of adrift. Creativity is so, so important to me. Making things brings me so much joy. So to not be able to do that is kind of soul-killing. I keep telling myself it will be better next year, when he is home again and I’m not in charge of every single thing. I sure hope it is! This current state is not good for my mental health!

  19. Totally with you on #4 & #6, although it’s my keys not my wallet. About #14, I’m asthmatic. I keep up on my meds and am fine. But it terrifies me that my kids may develop it. I know more than anyone that asthma can be dealt with, but it still terrifies me. I know she’s young for this one, but try a neti pot. Kids will do it! I use it to help control my allergies, which in turn helps with my asthma. Also, if I’m starting to get a cold, I use my neti pot several times a day. It keeps the cold at bay and prevents it from moving into my lungs. Good luck!

  20. Try high dose folic acid for your hair. You can also get with biotin which will also help. Folic acid is in prenatal vitamins at higher doses then regular vitamins. It will help.

  21. Hey Steph: try Brighton’s wallet purses. Carry it hands free over your shoulder/neck. I’ll never go back to a real pure! I know the best children’s illustrator 😉 She even has a publisher. Thanks for the updates! maggieb!

  22. LOL, love your honesty. I still write on my hand if I’ve forgotten the errand/project a few times (and I’m 34). Works every time. 🙂

  23. Love love love the book idea! Can it be a dad staying behind with the kids, too? I am the active duty member and will be the one deploying and my BFF has had to leave her daughter a few times, too!

  24. I don’t normally comment but I love your honesty- I am a mommy to 3 and after my last baby (who just turned 1) I lost a TON of hair and it’s still falling out. I also had super thin hair to begin with so it’s been quite depressing. I’ve seen a dermatologist who was not very helpful at all. I am currently taking Iron supplements and Biotin. I’ve also tried a number of shampoos but haven’t really found anything great. You are NOT alone…I guess it’s just another one of those mommy badges we can thank our beautiful children for!!

  26. Just a word of hope for you… My daughter Madelyn had (yes had) breathing trouble too, started out as reactive air wave disease at 2 and turned into asthma not long after. But at her last appointment, they said that her lungs are normal and around age six is the time that lots of kids out grow it! I’m praying that is what happens with you and your Cate. Watching your kiddo struggle to breathe is so hard!

  27. I think you are the perfect person to write that children’s series. What an amazing idea. You could really bring an authentic voice to that topic. I think it would be awesome for your girls to see themselves as the heroes of your stories but it would be beneficial for so many families. I’d buy them and we aren’t even a military family!!! A family friend has a publishing company but I don’t know if she does children’s books…maybe she has a contact if she doesn’t publish them herself. Hmmm…let me know if I can help. I’ve heard the children’s book industry is hard to break into but if anyone can do it, you can!!

  29. I love you for your honesty! You are wonderful just the way you are! I have been reading about the essential oils and have been skeptical about it. Did you purchase them from a reliable source? I feel better when I know you have tried something…it’s like getting a girlfriend’s point of view. Another thing, I COMPLETELY relate to thinning hair. Hugs!

  30. I have been watching this: http://autoimmunesummit.com/schedule/ the last week. On todays free seminar Dr. Kara Fitzgerald, a naturopathic doctor, talked about Asthma the causes and treatments. Tomorrow is the last day of this seminar and her talk may be included in the recap. If you read this before 6am EST you may be able to watch today’s speakers. This has been very informative.

  31. Hi Stephanie, have you tried salt therapy for Cate, I only recently heard about a friends niece who has major allergies and always sick, after salt therapy she went 5 weeks without medicine, I’m in Australia, I suppose it’s available in Italy, Alison

  32. Hi Stephanie, I had the same issue with hair thinning after four children. Get your Iron checked, specifically FERRITIN. The normal range for ferritin starts at 11 but that is too low. My hair didn’t stop thinning until my ferritin was above 40. Find a good doctor that is familiar with iron/ferritin levels so that you can have it monitored on a regular basis. Don’t take iron supplements unless you truly need them. It took many, many months of being on iron to correct the iron deficiency that I had.

  44. Oh Sarah- When I think of you I think of your beautiful long hair! I’m so encouraged that you are going through the same thing, though that sounds selfish. Thank you so much for your thoughts. Love you!

  52. 1. You are you, not Elise…you have 4 kids and you live in Italy. Isn’t that enough for now?
    2. I hear you about the thin hair..it creeps me out…gonna take some of the suggestions above. I blame it on having had cancer, but it’s really probably because I’m getting old(er).
    3. Those books would be so awesome…….but for now, just keep a notebook of ideas, just jot notes so when the girls are older and you have time…you can do it.
    4. Be easier on yourself….comparison is the thief of joy (someone said…) and it’s true.
    5. Love you and your blog and watching the girls grow up, especially Sadie, who reminds me so much of my younger daughter…..
    kate

  53. Oh, and I lose my wallet in my purse ALL THE TIME! Especially on vacation, when I’m usually carrying something other than my everyday purse….I know that awful pitofthestomach feeling well! So far, so good……haven’t actually lost it…….yet.
    kate

  57. YES!!! Guess what I have on there now? POST OFFICE. Sigh. Do you think the package will be even better because you waited for it for 6 months??!?!

  75. Hi! I’m not sure if someone already mentioned this, but for the thinning hair situation, someone told me that prenatal vitamins are a good supplement to take for this issue, so I take both Biotin and the prenatal vitamin. It works pretty well for me. 🙂

  76. I haven’t read your blog in a while, but I always find it so entertaining and insightful. Life has been so busy. The comment you made about your hair thinning made me think, though. About a year and a half ago, I was diagnosed with a rare, chronic incurable autoimmune disorder. Awesome, right? I am 36 and a healthy marathon runner. How did this happen I wondered? One of the first things to happen? My waist long. thick beautiful hair started getting thinner and thinner every day. It started splitting from the ends. My hairdresser started trimming every couple of weeks. Next thing I know, my hair is at my shoulders and thin and frizzy and just awful. I was in tears. My stylist said to me the only thing to do was a pixie. My doc agreed that my hair needed to be short because it is and will always be so fragile. It’s a hormone thing. Isn’t it always with us poor women? Anyway, after 3 more months of trying to live with my AWFUL ugly frizzy hair, I let my stylist cut it into a pixie. I was devastated, and I just knew that I would cry buckets when I saw it. When he turned me to the mirror, I swear I have never felt more at peace about any hair decision I have ever made. I knew without any doubt that this leap of faith was the right thing. I had a nagging feeling all along that I should cut it, but I wasn’t brave enough. My hair has been super long for 20 or more years. So, I went home and shocked my husband. He honestly didn’t like it then. It still felt too long, so I went back and he cut more off. Then, it was perfect. It’s the shortest kind of pixie that you can have. No bangs. No color or highlights or heat allowed, but I swear, after I did it, I have never felt more beautiful. I cut it a year ago, and since then, I have had so many compliments from strangers saying how they love my hair, my face, my beauty, etc. I got lucky. I have the right face shape for this cut with high cheekbones and porcelain skin. I love it. It is soooo easy. I let it air dry, touch it lightly with wax and go. Takes 2 minutes no joke. Recently, I also took another leap of faith and pierced my nose and a few in my ears. They rock with the short hair. I know I’m rambling, but I just wanted to share. Sometimes, what seems like a terrible thing is truly a blessing in disguise. I had to swallow my fear and just do it. To all women, whatever you are facing, trust your instincts. I have many other problems with my disease, but I try my best every day. It will not win!!! I’m certain your hair situation will turn out just fine. Blessings to you and all of your readers!