I’ve been a military spouse for 20+ years. 7 deployments, 5 kids, every scenario possible.
And you know one thing I will never do?
Make you feel like crap because you’re missing your non-military husband.
It’s something I’ve seen over and over in the military community, a sense of superiority and condescension.
Oh you miss your husband because he’s on a work trip? IMAGINE YOUR HUSBAND BEING IN AFGHANISTAN FOR A YEAR!
Oh your pregnancy was difficult? IMAGINE HAVING A BABY WHILE YOUR HUSBAND IS DEPLOYED.
Oh you feel lonely? IMAGINE LIVING ALONE WHILE YOUR SPOUSE IS DEPLOYED.
Please. It makes me crazy. It’s so rude and dismissive and why would you take that approach when instead you could encourage, mentor, and love another human?
It’s hard to be apart from the person you love. Missing someone is an indicator of love and connection and it’s a human emotion. Missing is HARD. And why would you invalidate and dismiss that just because you feel like you feel you have some sort of leg up or some sort of superiority?
I want my friends to know they can come to me and find solace and comfort in my presence when they are missing the person they love.
Whether it’s a weekend in Cleveland or Dallas or Phoenix or a year in Afghanistan, Syria, or Iraq. I want to love and encourage other women feeling the sense of isolation, worry, and loneliness that I’ve felt. I want to empower them to know that they can do it. And not only do it, but grow and flourish, and become a better woman through the minutes, weeks, months, years apart.
It’s not a competition, y’all.
We’ve got to fix each other’s crowns and be one another’s biggest hype woman. We need to love and build each other up. Every time you say something dismissive to someone who is struggling, all it does is make that person feel more alone.
Stop rolling your eyes and clucking your tongue and making milspouses look like some elite group of insufferable snobs.
And if you’ve made someone feel like this it’s never too late to mend those bridges and apologize. Being the port in a storm for another woman is something they will never forget.
Anyway, looks like I’m blogging again? What is this, 2009?
